Harmony

The sexes are different

Men and women are fundamentally different in many ways. One may be indifferent or even disinterested in that which is a necessity for the other.

What's enjoyable to one may be tolerated or not enjoyable to the other.

What one needs from the other might be something that takes physical, mental or emotional effort for the other to fulfill.

This is true of both men and women albeit with regards to different things.

Individually together

In addition to all the tension caused by the actual differences between the needs, wants, desires and character makeup between the sexes - there's the issue of harmonizing the two opposite ideas of being individuals and being together.

As an individual, you're independent. You don't need to ask anyone permission for anything nor do you need to notify anyone of that which you'd like to do. You do whatever pleases you whenever it pleases you. You're answerable to no one but yourself.

As a couple, you're interdependent. You need to ask permission before doing certain things (Example - making a big purchase). You need to notify your spouse before doing other things (Example - leaving the house). You need to be considerate of that which is pleasing and displeasing to your spouse. You're answerable to your spouse.

OTOH, even as a couple, you need to retain your individuality. There's you, your spouse and the two of you as a unit. You may “lose yourself” in the unit, but you can't lose yourself entirely. Balance is good, but harmony is even better.

Examples of harmony

First example - the captain and first mate dynamic.

The male need is to be the useful leader, to accomplish great things for his wife and children, for his wife to believe in him and his capabilities.

The female need is to be taken care of, to be loved and cherished, always, forever.

The man can easily lose his individuality by devoting all his time, resources and energy into that which his wife and children need. In his zeal to prioritize them, he can forget about himself and what he needs.

The woman can easily lose her individuality through her surrender of herself in her submission to her man and everywhere he leads her. To the point that she has no opinions nor any identity remaining.

When his leadership is well received by her receptivity towards him, he can feel useful and accomplished, she can feel taken care of and neither loses their individuality in the process because it's a continuous conversation, a two way street.

Second example - sex.

The male need is to be sexually desired and to have lots of sex and sexual variety. The female need for sex isn't nearly as frequent or as powerful. Many wives aren't in the mood nearly as often as their husbands.

A man can easily feel sexually frustrated and unfulfilled if he leaves sex for when she's in the mood. A woman can easily feel sexually taken advantage of if she just gives in and gives her husband sex whenever he wants it. Neither pathway is good for the marriage.

When he takes the time and effort to warm her up. When she mentally prepares herself and puts herself in a receptive state of mind during the times that they're both home together. They can have a happy and healthy sexual relationship that satisfies both their needs.

Conclusion

There are many areas of life where men and women have differing needs. When we get married, we give up a degree of our autonomy but we must still retain some of our individuality. Finding balance is good, finding harmony is spectacular!

Harmony in song is when one sings high and the other sings low (etc) and these two individual notes blend together in perfect harmony to produce something beautiful. Your marriage too can be harmonious.

Cheers!