my parents have been together for 20 years .on the outside it looks like it is a succesful marriage. it isnt. i was once going through my dads phone and i saw him texting his colleague things like "i want to kiss you". i then realised he was cheating on my mom.

i confronted him about it . he told me i was wrong and i shd do smthg else. He is a porn addict.he scratches his crotch in front of me and my brother. he complains all the time about the smallest things.

he continually gaslights my mom and calls her names. in february i was looking through his phone again. and i found a nude. it was of the same woman he told me he wasn't cheating with. i lost it. i had a mental breakdown. the last straw was when he hit my mom. i could not handle it .

my mother has been the best my whole life. she is the most beautiful person i know. seeing my dad hit her made my blood boil. i convinced my mom to leave my dad. she seemed to agree. but then lock down happened. my mom has been tolerating my dads inexcusable behaviour for years . i think she is traumatised.

how can i help my mom to heal ? and how can i make sure i dont subconciously go for a guy similar to my dad?