Back story-I (21f) am the legal guardian of my 13 year old sister “A” , 14 year old twin brothers “B and C” and recently turned 16 year old brother “D”. Our parents died back 2015,they were driving home one evening after going on their date night and they were hit by a drunk driver,they died on impact. Our maternal grandmother then became our legal guardian, she was my rock and my co-parent but she unfortunately passed back in March 2018. I have since been the sole and legal carer of my siblings.
I am worried about my brother D. D has some really warped and disgusting views when it comes to women. He somehow excludes me and our baby sister A from his strong held views as we are “not like the other girls”. Back in December 2019 I got a call from a parent from his school complaining about his online bullying of their daughter. Apparently my brother and some other boys had been dm’ing her and “saying”he wished she was raped, beaten and lit on fire. He didn’t use those words specifically but the memes he sent were very violent and could only be taken to mean as such. extra info on the incident I confronted my brother and he tried to say it wasn’t “that deep”. He tried to say it was just memes and gifs but I wasn’t having that bs excuse. We got into big argument and eventually I took away his access to our wifi, I confiscated all his devices including his phone and had him on house arrest for 3 months. He was only allowed to go to school and back,so no friends no activities, no tv or internet, no phone, literally nothing. He eventually calmed down from the initial shock of the length of his punishment and then I had him write long letters apologising to the poor girl and her mother. We went and hand delivered it with our apologies. Thankfully they accepted our apology. I then continued to keep a close eye on him and I believed he was behaving.
Last month I did one of my random checks to see the kids internet usage and to check which websites they regularly used and who they spoke to or what they spoke off. I noticed that D has been on what I can only describe as incel sites were disrespectful young boys and crazed grown ass men congregate to trash talk women and girls. I guess that’s were he learned the word simp. I never knew what it was but he’s been using it so much that the B and C were regularly using it. Our little sister A is really interested in makeup and the boys especially D have made several disparaging comments towards her dream job or the women she looked up to. A wanted to one day own her own make up brand. She no longer talks about her love for make up,fashion or design as freely as she once did. The boys are literally killing her confidence,her believe in herself,other women and even in men.
I don’t know why D hates women or doesn’t respect them. He has been loved and cared for by women all his life. How do I help him? (I can’t afford a therapist or do much that cost money. FYI we already go to a free grief counselling program in our area. Also when advising please factor in that I am poor)
FYI: D is very popular at school, he has many friends (both online and real world) and he has many girls chasing him. He gets along easily with most girls/women and people in general are drawn to him. This behaviour has been going on since I would say late 2018(November/December) I only noticed it around April/May 2019 and took it very seriously from his online bullying incident. I don’t feel like he’s lost as he understand things when I sit down with him and explain why the things these men say is so hurtful and why he shouldn’t be replicating it.
Edit- I gave up my childhood so that my siblings could have one. So I really don’t understand why he feels the way he does. He has no real responsibility other than to himself. The only thing the kids are responsible for are their chores(walking and feeding the dog, feeding the cat, cleaning their rooms, doing their homework and filling their laundry baskets and every three months we deep clean the house together from top to bottom)
I do everything else on the regular like cook them dinner, make them breakfast/lunch, sort out their laundry,clean the house, help them with their homework, drive them to and from their extracurricular activities,outgoings and their friends.
an explanation on why I check up on their internet and phone usage
Edit: Some of the advice I will be implementing or looking into. He will be getting a job as soon as this whole lockdown is done(so that he has something productive to do and he gets to have a little money) I will be looking into the big brother/sister program for all of them. I also will be signing him up on some sort of sport related activity. He likes to run and so that may be something. The twins already take swimming. I will also be focusing on A more so she doesn’t lose her confidence and knows that I am always on her side. I will hopefully be able to find her something with fashion and make up, so she can pursue it with confidence and my support.
Edit: I know what the word simp is and I understand it can be used in a humorous way. That is not the way the D and his friends use it in. Also we don’t believe in a god, so church, synagogue or mosque support/youth services aren’t an option but thank you.
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