The person I’m in love with encourage me to post on here. I know I will get banned but I don’t post on Reddit anyway. She wants me to show you ladies that there are some men who do wish to improve and respect you.

It’s great there is a community like this to help women gain confidence and value. Kindness isn’t popular enough regardless of gender. Due to this sub, she has grown and free herself from a lot of toxicity. A place where people truly understand her and her struggles.

But it’s not just her, this sub has actually help me out. Ever since she told me about it I’ve been reading it daily. Trying to learn as much as I can. Trying to better myself and our relationship.

I’ve mess up several times in our relationship and truly wish I had known about this place. I could of gain rich insight instead I got my insight from other dating subs or forums that have only damage our relationship.

Don’t know all the jargon or terms what I can share is what I’ve learn from this sub and the dating advice I’ve used that was extremely harmful.

I’m an early 30s guy who has been single for the last 8 years. Only one gf and a handful of dates. Here is the kicker I’m attractive and I’ve always wanted a long term relationship. Guess it helps to mention I’m a nerd.

Before Reddit I would sign up to some PUA (pickup artist) email list. That’s how I learn to date. Thinking there was something wrong with me , as a guy I naturally try to fix the problem. A lot of these PUA teach guys how to walk up and talk to women. I’ve always found strong women sexy but many men are intimidated by it.

PUA preaches using these strategies to find love while getting laid in the process of finding it. PUA didn’t teach me to lead women on because I’ve been lead on and refuse to do that to anyone. It did teach me to treat women not like individuals but a generalization.

As a result I came off with douchebag tendencies mix in with my tendencies to be chivalrous. I’m sure it was super confusing for anyone I’ve dated. Was told things like I needed to become this overly outgoing and expressive guy. Because women love romance they love communication.

That’s not a lie but it is a lie if it’s fake romantic gestures and there is such a thing as over communication. The goal wasn’t to get to know a women but to win her over. That was a major mistake for me and it has done lots of damage to my relationship. You can’t fully love someone until you take time to get to know them.

Which leads me to the next thing Respect and respecting boundaries. Various dating advice i read and learn never spoke about these types of things. They preach touching a women to gage her comfort, limiting the number of text and effort I put in order to show her I’m busy and have value. That I’m a great catch by ignoring her. Aka people want what they can’t have.

Let’s talk about “No” because this has been problems for me in the past. Tho I have manage to purge this by gaining new perspective from her and insight from this Sub. Not only did the last two women I dated were into heavy controlling stuff. The dating advice I receive told me a man has to be persistent. If a women tells you she isn’t interested if you keep trying it can sway her. Not taking about rape but I’m talking about what is consider harassment.

Here is my dilemma as a guy. I was pretending to be someone I’m not. That got me dates however it never got me love. The one thing I wanted.

What did FDS do for me? It’s only been 2 weeks since I’ve started reading the posts here. It open up my eyes to the daily struggles a female goes thru. The problems the women I’m in love with has told me about. How guys see you as just a hole with a pretty face. Before this sub I didn’t even know about shit test and power struggles.

I’m pretty dense at times and thought as a guy you have to prove your worth. So you pay for dates you show her interest. This whole I’m entitle to sex just because I got you dinner. Like it’s shocking to me people think that’s enough. Yet at the same time I know almost every single women on here has exp something like this.

Let’s get back to the topic of “No” , yesterday I read the Compliance Test post. How women have been socialize or thru violent men to give “soft no”. Then how most men hear “No” and they start to negotiate. I have done this I was taught this. I’ve seen this in movies, I’m not even talking about guys movies but romance movies.

The Notebook for example and a lot of romance movies has the guy being persistent and not taking No for an answer. As a guy who wanted a gf , I saw this and thought that women wanted this. It’s so romantic it’s so chivalrous but that was ignorant of me. In fact that’s how a person can quickly get a restraining order put on them.

Then there’s the physical and emotional abuse you may go thru. To know that you could face verbal and possibly physically harm for rejecting a guy. That’s scary stuff and it all makes sense why you have to be on your guard.

The women I’m in love with has dealt with absolutely horrible men. I’m talking about men I would literally shove in moving traffic horrible. She’s told me a lot about her past. But then I see what struggles and stories you ladies have been thru. It helps me truly understand her frustrations and why her heart is so guarded. She doesn’t even fully trust me as a result.

Not all men are toxic some have mental health issues but damn there’s sure a lot of them. I don’t know about the whole alpha and beta stuff but I do know there are strong men and then there weak men. A strong man isn’t afraid to admit when he is wrong. He is constantly trying to improve for he does not know everything. He doesn’t look to control a women, he wants a partnership with her. A relationship is about growth not dragging someone down.

I’m not a feminist or Pro anything outside of being Pro fairness and not being taken advantage of. As a man I understand how violent we can be. If you look at all the crimes happening today it’s generally males. Rapist are usually men. Mass shootings, serial killers, pedos, kidnappers, terrorist. A gay man gets assaulted I’ve never once heard a women did it.

Women are doing better overall in terms of education and slowly taking over the workforce in higher positions. Especially with the internet women are rising up and gaining freedom and equality never before seen.

What am I doing about my relationship? Seeing things from her perspective, taking time to understand and listen. Learning how to communicate, how to deal with arguments. Because of her she taught me how to love and what it really means to love. Showing my love by giving her what few men ever have. Respect, trust, patience and unconditional love. We aren’t official , she even dates other people and that always breaks my heart. However she isn’t my property nor have I ever view her as such. It’s up to me to show her I’m worth her risking her heart. I’ll gladly take on that challenge every day.

Keep staying strong Ladies.