#KICKHIMOUT2020

Well, this was longer than I expected and probably disorganized.

I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) since highschool. It's been around 16 years. We were long distance at first for quite a few years and then moved in together.

Since living together just us, he started by not paying any rent because he didn't have a job. This was fine, he can't pay what he doesn't have. But when he would stay home he wouldn't help with anything. No dishes were done, laundry, garbage taken out, dog walked. Nothing. I was pretty vocal about how I needed help but would only get assistance if I asked for it (coming home from work and asking can you do the dishes kind of thing)

Eventually he got a job (after about a year) and started to contribute half which was such a relief.

I got a really good job and we decided to move out of the shitty place we were in. We moved to a condo and it was wonderful except all of a sudden I was paying everything again. It started with him not sending me his half of the rent to send to the landlord. Then all the bills were under my account because I was the only one who thought to set them up. Then I would ask for his part of the rent and he would say he couldn't afford it. I offered for him to pay less then half and he would send it every once in a while (maybe 4 times in a year).

While this is going on, he's still not contributing. I would come home to the dog crying to go out, the house a mess and him playing video games. Not only that, he would hog the ps4 so I couldn't play as well.

I ended up getting a maid service to help me. I was that desperate for help.

Anytime I would be at my last straw with him, he would all of a sudden clean up. He would go a month without helping and I would call my mom being like "that's it I'm done" and suddenly he would make supper, clean, offer to play ps4 with me. Total shift so I would stay and think maybe he's getting better.

We now both have really good jobs and he's paying rent more consistently but I'm still paying the most due to bills and paying the most in rent. I'm trying to save up for a house and hes.... Buying electronics.

The icing on the shit cake here is that we don't have sex. I am far too tired from working and cleaning and honestly... I don't want to have sex with him. He doesn't help me. Why the fuck should I pay for everything, clean AND fuck him?

The issue is though he tries to have sex with me in my sleep. He did this years ago and recently started it again. He grabs my hand, puts it on him and thinks playing with my boobs will make my hand move? I have no idea but it's freaking annoying. It wakes me up and then I can't get back to sleep.

A few years ago when he did this I started sleeping on the floor in the living room. For about 3 years I slept on the floor instead so I wouldn't be bothered.

I don't know what to do here. He talks about how I don't want to have sex with him and I told him he doesn't contribute enough or even do anything loving for me at all. Then, of course, I'll see dinner made and dishes done but... I'm still tired.

It's been 16 years of my life.... Was this a waste? What do I do? I've offered to see a couples therapist but he doesn't seem keen on it. I just want to be happy again and I can't remember the last time I was.

TL;DR boyfriend of 16 years doesn't pay much rent, if at all, and doesn't help with tidying up. He tries to have sex with me in my sleep which is messing up my sleep and my ability to work. We don't have sex because of all this.

Edit: I know the answer is probably to leave him but I wanted to mention I feel bad thinking about that. He doesn't know how to do things on his own. I don't know what would happen to him and it's unpleasant to think about. I do care about him. I just want to be in a partnership and not be used I guess.

Edit 2: I'm sorry I haven't responded to anyone I'm a little overwhelmed by the response. Thank you for all the kind messages. I'm looking into a therapist currently and need to sit down with my bf and have a conversation. If anyone has advice on how to do that, I'm grateful.

I also wanted to say, he does do some things that are good (to those who commented about how negative I was). I can't drive (VI) so he does take me places when I need it. I'm in the hospital quite often and he never complains about driving me places. He's also really funny and we know each other so well. I just don't know if I can deal with the negatives anymore. I'm tired.