Dear -

My granny died recently, as you know. I’d say it was a life-changing experience but I wouldn’t like to attach a positive to an awful loss. I think about her every day. I can still feel the love she had for me as I go about life. There are so many small things she gifted me through her years of living that mean a little part of her is with me always. She lives on through her family.

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The overwhelming emotion I have from all of this is gratitude. I am so very grateful to have been able to know her for 21 years. I feel so blessed to have a granny like mine and I hope she knows that because I tell her everyday. She has made me a stronger, more confident woman, through everything.

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That’s what I mean about it being a life-changing experience. In the past few weeks and months I have become a woman. It’s easy when I always have the lady that my granny was in my mind and my heart guiding me.

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Bit cringey to say but it’s true.

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As a woman, I have been able to transform the life I was living. I am filled with anger because now I see how emotionally manipulated I was by people who viewed me (rightfully) as a teenager. I know the world’s not fair and that I don’t deserve “justice” for this. Shit happens. But tfuck I’m going to let awful men in my life anymore.

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You’re a prick.

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From the minute I met you, you were belittling me. Implying that I was desperate for the men I worked with. Telling me I looked like a hooker. Seeking a friendship with me that I didn’t even want because you needed somebody and having the audacity to tell me that I seemed lonely and you could tell that I needed somebody too.

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I have never needed anybody in my life. Nobody does.

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Insulting my personality. Saying I’m too hot-headed and emotional for you. Saying I seem like I’m always in a rush. I’m 21, I was 20 when we met, of course I was always in a rush, I’m young. Too young to be emotionally comparable to you at 26. Do you ever stop and think that it’s a problem that your "best match" is somebody so young?

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Which I’m not, you added all these traits you had yourself and applied to me, you can’t read people by the clothes they wear and the things they say, nobody is that intelligent.

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You got jealous when you saw me with other men while maintaining that you were not interested in me. What was that about? Trying to keep me on a string? Do you not realise that I’m 10x the person you are?

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I mention my granny because I was stupid enough to think we were actually friends at one point. I’d seen my granny before I moved away and told you I thought it was going to be the last time I’d see her alive, which it was. That wasn’t an interesting enough topic for you that night, you changed the conversation to the fantasy of “what would’ve happened the night we’d kissed? Would the 99 universes you’d had me in your bed be worth the 1 universe you had a girlfriend?”

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I thought that was okay, but I was a child.

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I’m a woman now, so when you chatted me exactly two weeks after my Granny passed, because I’d been ignoring your pleas for my attention, begging for me to talk to you about your depression I saw right through it. Exactly. Two. Weeks. Trying to bond us, my grief and your depression. What do we have to bond about? You’re depressed because you don’t have hobbies, and grieving isn’t just depression. It’s a difficult journey. With sadness, happiness, regret, fear, gratitude, and love. So much love.

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A journey you’ll never be part of. I didn’t get to say goodbye to my granny, which I’m okay with, as I’ve said, I can talk to her everyday, she’s in my heart. So I’m certainly not saying goodbye to you before I block you, you can figure out what you did so wrong for yourself.

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P.S I reported you for fraudulently claiming coronavirus unemployment payments and I’m just sad I’ll never find out what happened x x