I’ve been into self improvement for quite some time now. And even though it has helped me a lot..I’ve fallen into the trap of constantly finding things within me which I want to improve. It was okay at first because it gave me new goals to work towards but now It’s not even productive..it’s just giving me anxiety and ruining my mental health.

For example, I started self improvement so that I could get out there and live life and one thing that I was still self conscious about was sex as I was and still am a virgin. Of course that’s not the only thing I wanted to improve which I have but it’s relevant in this case so I’m taking that example

So I knew I wanted to have sex but then I figured hey I can’t have sex without first getting in shape. I was in no way obese or skinny but I needed to get the confidence of having a good bod so I got to work

Now I have a good enough body which I’m proud of. And I was in an intimate situation a couple months ago when I could’ve lost my virginity but I was probably nervous so I couldn’t get it up. IMO it was just performance anxiety as I had no problems getting erections prior to that.

But then I planted this in my head that I just have to improve getting sure shot erections irrespective of the situation and that I just can’t have sex without guaranteeing that I’ll have a rock hard erection in each encounter. So now I’m trying to find a way to work on that.

But you see the problem? I just keep making shit up to improve upon and keep overthinking to the point that I’m just making shit up and living inside my head. I know having sex is common and you will suck the first few times but it even though I know all this...why can’t I give myself permission to suck? I am too hard on myself. And this is just one example...because the situation was fairly recent. I have done the same shit academic wise and even physically when I was too hard on myself when I couldn’t live up to the potential I think I have in my head .

I know this was not really well written but if you get a point and have some advise please do tell. I am meditating daily and that hasn’t really helped all that much. Any other advice is appreciated