Let me start by saying I’ve had a rough last 12 months. It’s felt like everything I’ve tried to do or start has just gone nowhere or taken me multiple steps backwards. A lot of that is due to my own choices but a lot of it is also due to circumstances beyond my control. Basically before Covid I’ve been on a lockdown of sorts. Ironically it was only after Covid started that more opportunities opened up for me but even then things have been hard.

In all this I’ve just been feeling empty - like I lost a lot of my swagger. I’m at a loss at the moment on what to do to regain it. My life feels aimless and directionless. I have no passion and the idea of the future illicits no excitement or even fear. I just feel numb. I think about suicide pretty regularly and while I clearly haven’t followed through, I feel like it’s gonna be any day now that somethings going to give.

Ironically a lot of these feelings began surfacing after seeing a therapist so I’m not sure if that’s something that will give me any more help, if I’m to go down that route again, not to mention its stupid expensive to get mental health assistance.

To be honest I’m not sure why I’m posting this here. I guess I just needed to vent a little. Thanks for reading and sorry for taking up your time.