My Christmas gift to you all is this amazing OLD story:

I matched with this dude recently on Tinder. His bio had his Insta hooked up to it, so I did my due diligence, saw he was on the cover of a magazine, and realized this guy was the lead singer of a band I'm familiar with. So I googled him.

And what came up? A Rolling Stone article about him hiring someone to kill his wife. And why would he try to hire someone to kill his wife? Because she had the audacity to try and divorce him. Luckily, this genius accidentally tried to hire an undercover agent and landed in jail for solicitation of murder. After jail, he had a "change of heart," dated a bodybuilder, broke up with the body builder, joined Tinder, and then somehow managed to set himself on fire.

Anyway, thank you baby Jesus for keeping me single. Merry Christmas, you angels.