Ok, so I have a question and I'm trying to figure out if technically I experienced rape by deception. I wanted to ask on another forum but this is one of the only actual subreddits left where women get to be honest about men. The subreddit I wanted to post this on got deleted.
I know I know this was stupid, but I fell into the friends with benefits trap and had sex with my ex a year ago. I stopped because I left and went to another state. When I was over there he started to beg me to come back because he wanted me and he said he wanted to "protect" me since I was out by myself. We ended up arguing one day and I ghosted him for a while. I got this email from him saying he was in love with me and how he wanted to get back together. I know I shouldn't have, but I ended up talking to him again and he started telling me all of these things I haven't heard from him before.
He kept asking me to come back everyday and how he missed me. He kept saying how he needed me. We would be on the phone for hours and he would constantly tell me how cute I was. I ended up moving back to the state I was in for other reasons and he ended up picking me up from the airport.
I asked him if we were together or not and he told me he wanted to take it slow, but that he liked me. We ended up making out in the car. Eventually we started having sex again for a while for months. He would tell me," I don't want to be in a relationship right now,, but I really like you." And would get really irritated if I even hinted at the possibility of dating someone else.
One day he just told me while we were talking that he didn't want a relationship with me. I told him that he said he wanted me for months and he said he never said that. I had sex with him a few more times until I cut him off. I never really had a chance to process how I felt. He just lied...so was everything a lie?
I've been processing my emotions and I've been feeling really emotional and enraged everytime I think about it. No I shouldn't have had sex with him or even done the fwb thing but he just lied to me for sex..I just feel like I kept having sex with him afterwards because I thought maybe I was lying to myself and what he was saying was true until I looked at our old messages today of him begging for me to come back and being so in love with me.
I'm probably going to delete this after a while. I don't know how to feel. I know what I did was stupid, but he just lied to me and pretends like he didn't do anything wrong...
