Four years. I gave four years to a man that lies pathologically, manipulates, gaslights, calls me crazy, hurls abuse, is doing fucking *heroin* again, throws trash on the floor, leaches off his parents, can't hold a job, refuses to get his license back after multiple DUIs and bullies and abuses me to drive my car, can't figure out hygiene, the list goes on and on. I would be writing for hours.

I let him treat me like I was stupid, and why wouldn't he? I allowed it. I told him it was ok with my actions.

He gave me my daughter, even though I told him I didn't want children. He coerced me into having a child, and while I love her more than the air I breathe, it was not something I wanted. I am humiliated and upset that I allowed someone to treat me so poorly for so long and I gave so many excuses and reasons and *bullshit*.

Well, I'm done. Something in me snapped and I can't do it anymore. I refuse to allow someone to lie to my face while screaming how stupid I am because they got caught. I won't let my daughter use me as an example to be treated like shit from pieces of trash. This cycle ends right the fuck now. I'm not fucking stupid, I'm not fucking crazy, and you know what? Adults should be able to put dirty clothes in a fucking laundry basket or not throw literal pieces of trash on the ground. But the magical fucking cleaning fairy was always behind him to pick everything up. He had so little respect for me that he wouldn't walk across a room to throw trash away, knowing that I am right behind him to pick it up.

When I suspected he started using drugs again, I started squirreling money away and changed all my passwords for banking information for my account. I had to figure out how to do everything, because he "took care of it for me" ie: he made sure he controlled every aspect down to the cent so I was completely dependent on him for everything, especially finances.

I feel so stupid and used but most of all I'm fucking angry. Angry that I'm tied to this piece of shit loser for however long because of my daughter. Well, guess what? You want to do drugs and scream at me and scare our baby? I swear on everything that is holy its the last time. I took my daughter and I went to my mom's. I have a few thousand squirreled away in an account he has no access to and I just started school a few weeks ago after ten years. I'm pouring every anxious second into making myself an educated, worthwhile woman so my daughter only has to rely on ME. He's such a loser I need to make sure I can support us completely.

Fuck him, I'm done. He can eat shit. I don't deserve this bullshit anymore. I never did, but I'm not showing my daughter how to be treated like shit.