First of all I’m so happy this community exists! Thank you all, Queens, for your wisdom!

So I didn’t know anything about FDS until recently when I got increasingly confronted with LVM behavior through OLD. Of course I was aware of no-good dudes before but I didn’t know dating red flags as well as I know now.

I decided to try meeting people online, clearly stating I want nothing other than friends in my profile but I’m somewhat open to relationships after getting to know each other (I thought it’s a good way to vet plus had more time to chat on my hands and wanted more social interaction because of the pandemic.) Next thing you know this guy messaged me and we started chatting. It was lovely and we realized we have a lot in common. He came off as incredibly intelligent and courteous in communication. So he told me he’ll be lucky to be my friend but he’s also interested in more. I told him well we can get to know if we’re compatible, so we started chatting about relationship goals and dealbreakers among other things. 2 weeks in I realized it’s weird he doesn’t want to call or video chat. Absolutely no initiative. He told me he liked me so far and saw potential. So I told him it’s important to check for conversational chemistry and attraction. Eye contact and vibes are very important. Now I realize it probably came off as asking for it. Was it too bad? Lol

He said we have a lot in common so we should meet. I ignored that because it wasn’t an invitation and felt kind of off to me for him to say that without following up. But I kept chatting like nothing happened (FOR FRIENDSHIP! That’s pre-FDS me for ya lol)

Then almost one month in he started mentioning personal struggles. And I told him I prefer to discuss mine in person. What I meant albeit ambiguously is that I would only share in person with someone who I know cares about me. But he reacted to that saying we’ll speak soon. That’s where I felt like it was complete BS but still was wondering what the hell is he thinking so I played along saying looking forward to speak then. And what do I get, ladies? A walk suggestion. That’s where I had to quit the shitshow baffled how he can say he’s interested in more than friendship but only cares to take me on a walk instead of planning a date.

I also decided to google walk dates just for giggles and the search led me here. I’m so much better off for it now. I was so naive taking his interest seriously in the beginning 😅

Now I also recognize (thanks to that HPV post) that it’s more dangerous than I knew to have casual sex because there’s no test for men and condoms don’t necessarily protect you, but what drives me absolutely crazy is even if I wanted to filter out the fuckboys there’s absolutely no way to be sure about a man’s sexual history. They can easily lie about only having sex with past exclusive partners. Dating doesn’t seem promising at all now and I also realize that friendship is not a thing for most of them. Well, at least it saves me time. But it puts a major damper on my hope of meeting someone who meets my standards (had only few exclusive sexual partners or virgin). Sigh.