•How old are you (and how old is your partner) and how familiar are you with RPW? I am a 23-year-old man. She is 21-year-old. I have been lurking RP and RPW subreddits for a couple of years and may have commented once or twice.

• What is your relationship status? How long have you been together? I am in a long-term relationship that has been official for about 4 months.

• Is your relationship long-distance? No

• Do you have an active bedroom life? Yes

• What is the problem? *Note we live in Mexico.

I think some context is needed to understand the problem. She was raised as a Jehovah Witness by a very conservative and kind of dysfunctional family. She was expelled from the community when she was 18 years old because she had sex with a dude who then dipped on her. After that she went from the typical ultra-religious conservative girl to doing hard drugs, partying a ton, etc. for about two years. She now has some very big problems with feeling like someone wants to have authority over her. She is a vegan, kind of feminist and thinks that relationships should be equal on EVERYTHING to an absurd extent.

I was raised by a conservative and traditional catholic family, mine was amazing though. Lots of love, comprehension and good raising from my parents, grandparents, and uncles from both sides. Really close family. So, while I had a little rebellious phase when I was a teen, I soon realized the benefit and importance of a traditional family, religion, and discipline, so that is what I want in my life. To build a family with an amazing woman, have a bunch of kids, have traditional gender roles, etc.

Another big difference is that I was raised in a wealthy family, have my own home, I am starting my master’s degree next year and basically, I am finally secure for the foreseeing future. Her family was low middle class and then basically abandoning her when she turned 18 did not help her at all. She only finished high school and does not have much money however she is smart, and I know she can be quite successful in the future.

I believe we are both average / above average looking, however I am fit/muscular (gym 5x week, yoga 2x week and used to box before COVID) and short while she is a little bit overweight (not for long as she has been losing it steadily) and about 2 inches taller than me.

I have slowly influenced her to become a little bit more conservative, and I believe I have been a good leader. I can 100% say I have improved her life in numerous ways, she has a healthier lifestyle, more work motivation, I have helped her with her goals and encouraged her to start college, which she will next year. She has treated me nicely, cooks for me, gives me a lot of physical affection and cheers for me to succeed in my career and hobbies.

Here is where the problem starts. This differences in outlooks of life means we are fighting a ton, we have different boundaries, we both try to impose our views on the other and feel mutually disrespected. I am a patient person, but it has become incredibly frustrating not being able to discuss something without walking on eggshells or her becoming super defensive and not even trying to listen to me. She is one of the most stubborn people I know and so am I.

I also get quite angry as she has tried to get external validation from other men through social media posts (which she does not admit being doing, but it’s stupidly obvious, and it’s preposterous that she tries to fool me about it instead of just admitting it.) I believe she wants to get me jealous as I do not question her fidelity or affection to me but the only thing that happens is it makes me less interested in her and I feel like I cannot trust her. I am quite close to breaking up with her over this kind of attitude but I do value and love her so it will be a big shame.

I want to know if it’s possible for me to improve our communication, stop her from looking for external validation and have the healthiest coexistence possible and how to achieve that.

• How have you contributed to the problem?

She pointed out once that I do not give her many compliments verbally. I, however, am extremely physically affective, do a ton of acts of service and some gift giving. I do not know if she wants more from me in this area.

I am a blunt person, and she has a lot of issues with “feeling like I want to control her” so a lot of times I believe our issues have stemmed from wording.

Ex: We were going to visit a very traditional and religious family in a small town, and she wanted to wear a weird translucent blouse/ not wear a bra. I told her “Do you think it is a good idea to dress like that? Please put something different on.”

We had an hour-long discussion and me explaining to her why it was not the best occasion to wear her top until she changed it to a normal one. (Not that I think she should wear that ever as I believe one should dress modestly.) And her argument was basically "do not tell me what to do, you do not own me, I’ll wear whatever I want."

This kind of discussion has happened on numerous occasions basically since day one about different topics but basically boil down to the same.

• How long has this been an issue? We have fought about boundaries, the way we conduct our relationship as a whole and basically everything related to what being in a LTR means since day one.

• What have you done to resolve this problem? I have never dismissed her thoughts and always listen respectfully to her opinions. I try to be the best possible boyfriend I can be daily and try to fulfill her validation needs. I do not really know what else can I do.