Is there a simple guide to make good conversation with people (not just women)?

MattyAnon · 2016-12-02T02:38:03+00:00

Is the trick "relax, stay in the moment, focus on understanding the other person and say the first thing that comes to your mind"?

Not at first, no. See below.

What if I'm an asshole/inconsiderate/socially inapt? I sometimes say offending things to people without realizing it.

Work on this. Work out what offends people. It's fun to do it on purpose, but don't do it accidentally because that benefits noone. So figure this shit out (find someone you can trust to ask about this, and do not ask them about social stuff all the time. I don't mind helping, but I hate to be the fucking person explaining every god damned tiny little thing).

PS. By good conversation, I mean an interaction where other person likes you and actively "wants to" see you again.

Ok, this isn't as realistic as you might think. With men, it takes 2-3 meetings before they really accept/like you. So take it easy... short interaction at first, longer each time. Don't rush it. Don't need anything, don't have a destination in mind beyond the current convo.

With women, flirting and attraction mean you can reach the point where you want to see each other again after one meeting. Still, easier after 2-3 if you have the chance.

How to have a good convo: lead but make it interactive. Talk first, then ask, then talk more, then ask. Feel your way with the right amount of talking. Don't ask many questions. Have something of fucking interest or worth to say. Spout your opinions by all means, but don't pretend they are facts or that anyone else is wrong. Do and say fun stuff. Push the envelope and risk things each time. Just slightly. Just push it a bit. Not much, just a bit more than last time.

By all means analyse what you said afterwards, but don't beat yourself up about it. I have interactions where I can see people think "fuck, that was a dumb fucking retarded thing to say, I wish I'd never said that". Happens to everyone. It's no biggie. It's not hard to get it 95% right and that's plenty to be normal.

Ultimately what you want though is to be constantly edgy and polarising. That needs confidence, SMV and charisma to pull off without being hated, but it's a great place to aim for.

In short... you need to talk the right amount, interact with people, and offer some fucking value to the world. (Value = be someone worth something if that makes sense. Not offering money or emotional tampon services).

GayLubeOil · 2016-12-02T12:05:50+00:00

Ask them alot of questions. People love an opportunity to talk about themselves

pm_me_ur_bantz · 2016-12-02T07:51:01+00:00

i used to be (and still am) the same way. i'd be next to someone i'm talking with and i end up just having the conversation in my head trying to figure out the perfect thing to say.

i still do this but now i force myself to say something within a second even though i know it's not perfect. at least it's something.

then, i lie in bed at night going over all the possible conversation paths i could have taken instead and make sure to remember the better paths for next time i encounter the same conversation. and yes, you do come across the same conversations over and over again and remembering the good paths is much quicker than thinking them through. it's instant.

in regards to the offensive stuff, yes that's me too because i just don't see why anything is offensive ever to anyone. i was called a dirty jew to my face and i found it more interesting than offensive. anyway, what i do is just avoid any statements that have had a negative reaction in the past. i also NEVER reveal my true opinions about anything unless i know for sure that i can hold frame.

Orig_analUse_rname · 2016-12-02T13:19:45+00:00

r/SocialEngineering

PantsonFire1234 · 2016-12-03T01:19:40+00:00

Yes, find real interests in their life. How? Be interested in constantly learning and improving yourself. You will be asking other people about things they are planning to do or think about in order to improve yourself. It's a selfish reason but they will think you are genuinely interested and explode at the thought of getting stage time.

Title	Is there a simple guide to make good conversation with people (not just women)?
Author	hellnomrrmrm
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	December 2, 2016 12:53 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5g0ac4/is_there_a_simple_guide_to_make_good_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-there-a-simple-guide-to-make-good-conversation.78439 https://theredarchive.com/post/78439

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