Not sure if this is allowed. If not, feel free to remove.

To clarify what I mean by "feminine," I'm naturally a nearly 50-50 mix of masculine and feminine, but leaning a little more towards the masculine side. Comparing to most other guys I know, I'm less masculine than them; but comparing to stereotypically effeminate guys, I'm less feminine than them. I guess I'm just not stereotypically masculine. I'm soft, empathetic, and like to express myself. I like to be cute, so I practice some hair & skin care; I sometimes crossdress, wear makeup, jewellery, polish, but am not really into it much. I'm not into gaming, sports, etc. In a sense, I guess the labels "androgynous" or maybe even "masculine" apply, but "feminine" kind of sums it all up without going into all that. I also take estrogen by choice for aesthetics. I'm straight.

I'm in my 20s. Growing up I struggled with rigid gender roles imposed on me, like what I have to do/be, what I can't do/be, because I was a boy. For example, I didn't like that I had to wear short hair to school or that I couldn't express my emotions. These rules were pushed to me by both men and women, but it kinda hurt more when it came from women. As a teenager, I was emotionally and sexually abused repeatedly by some adult women who'd known me as a child. When I tried to reach out, my issues were shrugged away or even downplayed. "You're a boy. You'll be fine." they said. At around this time, I started to form what I now know as red-pill thoughts on my own, based on personal experiences and trauma, despite never having heard about it. I also formed some mgtow thoughts, but I never followed through with it since I lacked guidance at the time. I've never been in a relationship and have dodged a few bullets, and I'm proud of that. I recently discovered the red pill and mgtow, and have been lurking ever since. I find that a lot of things mentioned by trp really reflects what I've observed in gender dynamics, women, and society, and resonates with some of my experiences.

I've never bought into feminism, although it did make me feel worse mentally with all the vocal misandry and vilification of masculinity. Afterall, masculinity is very much a part of me even as a feminine guy, right? Now, I don't care for politics, gender or not. I've decided to go my own way. I'm beginning to adopt stoicism and practise new skills.

That's my introduction. Any advice appreciated. As for the questions:

  1. Am I welcome here on this subreddit as a feminine guy? Would I be welcome in other MGTOW communities?

  2. The reason I prefer this sub over the main one is that this one is more focused on self-improvement, motivation, and positivity; whereas the main one is more focused on current events, women, society, and being rambly in general. I do value the focus on the outside world as it can help to feel related and to better understand the situation, hence I occasionally watch Alexander Grace and Sandman, but having already been through a lot of trauma and stuff I don't think I need to hear about it all the time. I also watch Bjørn Andreas Bull-Hansen as a masculine role model. What resources would you recommend on MGTOW and masculinity that is more focused on self-improvement and positivity?

  3. I noticed that the red pill mostly covers the dynamics where masculinity belongs to the man and femininity belongs to the woman. I know it's mostly this way in society, i.e. there are more feminine women than masculine women and more masculine men than feminine men. I also know the red pill focuses on the general, majority of cases. However, I can't help but wonder what trp says about more masculine women. Do they have the same nature and goals as feminine women? Sometimes my brain gets excited thinking they're NAWALT even though I know they wouldn't be my type and I don't logically want a relationship. Like, would they care about men's feelings and emotions?

Thanks!