Hi guys. Relatively new to this sub but I think I’ve read enough posts over the last few weeks to get the gist of the philosophy here and I agree or mostly agree. Where I’m not sure if I agree fully is that some posts seem to be so anti women that they presuppose a life either totally or mostly without sex or the pursuit of sex. Same with female companionship. Other posts seem more ok with both sex and companionship with women as long as marriage and cohabitation are avoided. Now some background and then my question.
I’m 51. I’ve been divorced for eight years, and was married for almost 20 years before that. I was raised in a strict Mormon family, and I was very Mormon until about 3 1/2 years ago when I did a lot of research and found my way out of what I now look back on as a cult. At 23 years old, while still a virgin (bc of my strict religious beliefs and adherence, not bc of a lack of opportunity ... I was athletic, attractive, confident, successful early, etc etc ... hell my name is Chad so it’s always funny when I see you guys refer to Chads here in your posts and comments) ... anyway at 23 and still a virgin due to my devotion to Mormon teachings, I married someone I wasn’t very attracted to and would have never even dated, and certainly didn’t have much in common with… All because of my religion and the weird brainwashing that came from it. By the time I divorced and finally found my way out of this cult and felt free sexually for the first time in my life, I was 47 years old. Joseph Smith and his successors and other leaders of the Mormon church, through their fraud and deceit, stole my life. In Utah where my divorce played out, my ex has used lies and biased judges to totally screw me financially but I’ve bounced back pretty fast and pretty well.
What baffles me is how so many posts here seem to be from men who are understandably done taking shit from women and done being taken advantage of by women (especially financially) but who see no alternative other than to walk away from women completely, sex and all. And many of these types of posts seem like the guys are trying to convince themselves that sex isn’t that good anyway etc.
I can understand being done with marriage and co habitation - but I honestly have to wonder how bad the sex must have been for these guys for them to even be able to fathom a life without it. At 47 years old, for the very first time in my life, I finally had sex with someone I was attracted to. And guys ... I was wildly attracted to her. Virgin, then married almost 20 years, then divorced but Mormon so I lived celibate for almost 5 years ... then 47 years old and finally experiencing what sex could be. It was absolutely mind blowing and changed forever how I view sex. The only way I can imagine anyone thinking they could live without sex is if they’ve never experienced anything close to sex that amazing. Since then, although not as frequent as I would like, I’ve been with others and had similar experiences.
So I guess I’ll say to you younger guys, don’t you think there’s a way to be able to continue to enjoy the benefits of being sexually active with women without giving in to marriage and co habitation etc?
And now for the advice I came here to seek. I’m writing this from a quarantine hotel room in Thailand right now. After quarantine I’ll work and date here for a month or two then head back to the USA. I stumbled into the paradise of dating in Southeast Asia purely by chance about five years ago when passing through Thailand on my way to meet friends in Europe to run with the bulls etc. And after about five years of dating a ton here in Southeast Asia, taking many trips here every year except for last year during Covid, I’m now absolutely so spoiled when it comes to dating that its nearly impossible to date back in the US, especially in Utah. The women here and in other Southeast Asian countries are so drawn to Caucasian, foreign men, and there are so many beautiful women here that don’t care at all about age difference, that I’ve been able to date some ridiculously beautiful, accomplished, sweet, respectful, chill women that are at the peak of their beauty. And just as we get used to the food we eat or the beds we sleep on or the climate or altitude we live at, dating women like this here in SE Asia has completely ruined me for dating in the USA. I try when I’m there but it’s only about once every six or nine months that I’m able to pull someone there that I’m super attracted to, like the women here. The rest of the time I’m in the US, I live pretty celibate, but I’ve had way too many years of that shit already because of the Mormon bullshit and my sham marriage. But my life for the next several years will continue to be mostly based in utah where my kids are. While I’m sure it’s a first world problem to have, the way my dating in Southeast Asia has changed me has made it pretty much impossible for me to feel attracted to most women that will date me back in the states. I’m in good shape for my age, decent looking for my age, financially successful, athletic, private pilot, decent game, etc. But in the United States, especially in Utah, 25 to 37-year-old petite, fit, ridiculously attractive women usually don’t want to date me unless they’re looking for a sugar daddy. I keep busy with my kids and my internet startups, so it isn’t about boredom. So much of my life was lived without sex, or with very unsatisfying sex with someone I never wanted to have sex with in the first place, that I hate the idea of burning through month after month of my life in Utah not having regular sex ... especially now that I’m in this phase of life where my religious beliefs don’t prevent me from having sex.
Some of you might recommend prostitutes, but I’m never going to pay for sex transactionally like that. It’s not for me for many reasons. And maybe with Covid ending, I’ll just keep coming back to Southeast Asia and dating here, but that’s an expensive solution, both with time and money, and the back and forth travel make it hard to build a social and friendship circle back home, hard to be there consistently for my kids, etc . And for me, it simply is not an option to just walk away from sex like many of the people who post here seem to be willing to do. I’ve tried lowering my standards and expectations, tried dating women in Utah or California that I’m not as attracted to bc they’re the best I can pull at the time so that I don’t have to go as long in between when I’m back home. But I’ve learned that’s something that can’t be forced. Just doesn’t work.
Maybe I’m stuck? Or am I missing something? Any ideas of advice other than “we don’t need women or sex”? Thx in advance -
