So long story short I've made up my mind that I'm never going to be with another woman. I mean sexually or romantically. I think a lot of people hear me say this and instinctively they assume I'm gay. That's not the case.
I find women beautiful physically and mentally they are attractive to me as well. The older I get the more I'm seeing that the system will always be rigged against the nice guys trying to do the right thing.
At work I am super quiet and never go out of my way to talk to women- because we'll you know I'll probably get charged with sexual assault if I even say "hello" to them. Anyways, one guy told me I have potential and that I need to walk into a room with swag/confidence. I explained that I'm all set and was with a girl for almost a decade.
He then went on to tell me that I have "oneitis" I didn't know what that was so he explained it. He then told me that I'm putting the p**** on a pedestal. I was like okay and walked away.
How does me essentially saying "I'm all set with p I don't need it" translate into " I worship p" ? This is the kind of stuff I deal with all the time. It's easy to ignore this one incident- but it's an ongoing thing throughout my life. I have been single doing my own thing banking up money for 5 years now and co-workers and family just don't understand I am fine being alone.
I don't go out to bars, I don't drink, I don't do hard drugs so what is the problem? If I want to be anti social and can find happiness as a hermit then why does everyone feel the need to tell me what I need in order to be happy? I'm so sick of it. I'm debating just telling everyone that i am gay just so they leave me alone about women.
I don't want kids. I don't need/want sex. I don't need validation of my life choices by people I barely even know- and never hang out with. The problem I have though is all those people make me feel worthless when they say these things like my life is meaningless unless I confirm to society and put it up on a pedestal like everyone else.
I just find the hypocrisy in all walks of life absolutely staggering.
Is it impossible for me to find meaning/happiness? Or have I completely fallen from grace at this point.
