Recently I've come across the pro revenge, petty revenge, and malicious compliance genre on YouTube. I must admit these stories when true and not from some contemptuous douchebag for a while, were my daily consumption. Dunno if it is the karmic justice or just how amusing the stories are when they realize they messed over the wrong person. Regardless I've noticed a trend that continues even into the AITA genre. Manipulators are calling people an ahole because they know you'll react to prove it wrong.
How do I know this? How do I know that this is purely manipulation and not someone trying to snap you out of some stupidity? Simple, I am an avowed ahole. That's not a colorful joke either, but before proceeding let me define my terms. To me, there is nothing wrong with being an ahole. An ahole is a person that will defend themselves and generally retaliate if you mess with them. They'll tell you straight to your face they don't care. Then there are JA who go around looking for trouble to start. Those are the kind of people that go around looking to ruin people's lives. Unless someone gives me a reason I am the nicest person you will likely meet. I also don't take this 100% seriously, which is essential to understand.
When not messed with, I just want to enjoy my life the way I see fit without intruding onto other people's lives. I don't like to bother people, and I don't like drama. That's just the kind of person I am, but I am an ahole. As an ahole I can tell you it is 100% pointless to call an ahole an ahole. We don't care.
My brother and father were having an argument I entered to defused because my father has childish tendencies and my brother is stubborn. During this argument, he turned on me and said "You’re a hypocritical a**hole!” Without skipping a beat and in the calmest voice I think I’ve ever mustered I responded with, “I’ve never represented myself as anything but.” Instant end of the argument on him and I made my father and brother apologize to each other resolving further hurt feelings going forward. Why? I hate drama! Drama is the source of stress. (Disclaimer: I consider there two be two magnitudes of Hypocracy. The first is failing to live up to lofty principles or keeping on your path. The second is the worse order which is just being a lying deceitful POS who says one thing and does another.)
It’s the same with any “you’re evil” argument. Things that are evil unless you are unmasking them for everyone to see don’t care if you call them evil. I lion doesn’t care if it is called a predator. Nor does a shark or a whale. If it is part of something's inherent nature, it will be unphased by your pronouncement. It would be like me telling you that you walk on two legs. Sure there might be some profound meaning in the context, but it’s an “AND???” declaration.
If you’re POS you’re not going to care if someone calls you a POS. If you’re a JA not only will you not care, but you’ll note down in your little list of next that person’s name. That’s just the nature of life and Platonic philosophy really.
Only those that are not and have no desire to be will care if they are evil. Now that doesn’t mean ignore everyone when they say it, but think about it first. Are they telling you that you’re an ahole because your actions are going against your principle values by which you live and judge your life? If yes then thank them for calling you out on your stint of stupidity and leading you out of your own way. If no, then they’re just manipulating you to get something they want or view the issue in an entirely different light.
Discussion will sort out which of the two it is. If you’re leaving your cheating GF and people are saying you are an ahole for abandoning her in her time of need because she’s somewhere she’s unfamiliar with or whatever their excuses are and they still feel that way after you explain she’s a cheater then they’re just trying to manipulate you.
If you want to be a self-sacrificing saint, be my guest. If that is not your goal then be wary when people call you evil. Most of the time you aren’t and if you were why would you care? You’d shrug it off, laugh about it and then move on with your life as the lion would its hunt. Food for thought.
