Our new kitten my family and I rescued died today. My mother's co worker gave him to us since they found him and his siblings in their barn in a box. And the mother appearently got killed by Coyotes. He was fine last night and then next day he got sick and weak and my mom took him to the vet and they put him to sleep.
And its not him dying thats gnawing at me right now its having to go through this again. I had a cat very similar to this kitten growing up and he died at age 20 when I graduated high school. He was born before I was. He died the same way, he slept in my bed and next day he got sick and he was put to sleep in my absence when I was at school.
Today I was at work thats really the only difference. Same breed of cat too just was younger. I feel this intense burning feeling like im both sad and pissed off and I want to lash out at my parents. Because being robbed of being with both these cats before they passed on reminds me of how my parents robbed me of seeing my grandpa one last time. Telling me he was at the hospital and was just sick and the next day telling me he died.
Everyone got to see him except me because according to my brother, they thought I wouldnt be able to handle the truth. I was 13 at the time and the thing is I wouldve been fine. I came to terms with death better than most kids at that age. Especially considering I dealt with incidents like my mother's care for her sleep is how my dog never got let back in the house when I was 10 and ran away and was found ran over in the road. Due to her selfish nature of not just wanting to open the damn door.
Its not my father I feel all this hatred for. Its her. She was a single mother my father married. And she has treated him and me like dirt most of our lives. And she got this cat to basically relive what we lost and then she barely even took care to keep an eye on him. And now he probably died because he got into something in her room and got sick. So now I just feel furious from all these past memories and patterns.
