So ever since I saw that movie doctor strange, I wanted to be a freaking neurosurgeon. His job, how fucking cool it is, his life, his car, everything is just fucking perfect to me. Call me a materialistic douche all you want, but that is the ultimate MGTOW dream right there. Cool ass job, the feeling of actually making a fucking difference, doing what you love and getting up every morning to drive a fucking Lamborghini to work every day.

And I know that I can do it, why? Cause I have the IQ and the brains required to do so. I'm not gonna get all r/iamverysmart here and shit but I think 145 is a decent IQ to be a brain surgeon.

Now I know that I've decided to make this immature trashy sounding post at 2:52 in the morning when I'm supposed to be sleeping but you know what? I think I need to let it out of me first before I can make any attempts to sleep.

I found the last piece of me that i was missing.

To clear the ambiguity, let me explain myself. I put myself into this boarding prep school that prepares you for medical entrance exams in my country which are notoriously fucking hard.

This school is great at teaching, but they've got a bunch of arbitrary, pointless rules that have been the source of my depression for the past 3 months. You can't use your phone more than 30 minutes a day, you can't go out at night, you can't go out to shop for more than an hour and worst of all you can't buy any food that does not come from the school's pre-planned catering service.

But somehow I managed to fight through my depression, keep my grades in the A's and A-'s and now I've figured out how to get away with practically anything that I want.

I know how to manipulate the hostel warden into giving me my phone for 24 hours a day, I can go out whenever the fuck I want, the main principal (a red pilled dude that I totally fucking respect) is my best friend at this point, oh and I get to have all the junk food I want.

But there was one thing I was missing all this time, I didn't know what the fuck it was. It kept me from studying, it made my grades slip and my mood go weak.

But today i found out what it was, lying in bed.

It was simply the fact that I gave way too many fucks about way too many arbitrary things. How others thought about me, whether I was being a "good person", the fact that my colleagues are making the same mistakes that I made and I didn't want them to make those mistakes, the fact that I analysed every single fucking situation to a near sherlockian level and that sucked the fun out of everything.

So today I stopped giving a shit about these things, I didn't care about being a "good person", I didn't care about hurting people's feelings, I let my colleagues learn from their own mistakes..

And guess what.

Instant positive results.

My Principal said that I was super calm and focused in class, My friends were laughing along with me and were choosing their words carefully this time and for once in my life, I was actually having some fucking fun.

I realised that you need a little more than just intelligence to do something as ambitious as becoming a neurosurgeon in a country where it's already hard to become a doctor. You need to be slightly nuts and I've realised that I am in fact ,slightly nuts.

Thanks for coming to my drunk TED talk. Have fun. Don't get married.