I was an active user on Bumble and met a really nice girl last month, we had a ton in common, yada yada yada. Couple of weeks ago, we hit a snag: she definitely wants kids, I'm on the fence at best (leaning significantly towards not wanting them at all). Last night we realized we couldn't keep delaying the inevitable.
Here's the other recent development: after dealing with anxiety for the past 30+ years, I finally started taking medication to treat it. This week it did the thing anti-anxiety meds have a knack for doing, which is making anxiety symptoms even worse before they start to get a lot better. Work metaphorically kicking my ass this month didn't help, either.
Here's the point: With my anxiety being what it is, I know deep down that I'm at my happiest when I'm alone. Solitude is, always has been, and potentially always will be the best option for me. When I'm in a relationship, I feel like I've got a responsibility to always be "on." By that, I mean always attentive to my lady's happiness and well-being, always ready to talk and share my feelings, etc. I put so much pressure on myself to be the perfect boyfriend that it leaves me feeling even more anxious than normal.
The MGTOW mindset (sans the red-pill rage, life is too short to be angry) might not just be a choice for me: I'm starting to think it's my only option, based on who I am. The sad part about this is that I've always been a romantic at heart. I always assumed I'd be married, have kids, and be settled down by my mid-20's. Now, though, these rites of passage that seemingly everybody else experiences seem like a nightmare to me.
Will getting my anxiety treated change my mindset? Only time will tell, I guess. For now, though, I guess it's best to isolate myself as best I can. So let's just say I'm not feeling the greatest today. Still made it to the gym at 8:15 this morning and rocked it the whole time - my dumbbell bench presses and triceps press-downs felt particularly amazing - but still, I'm sad.
