Hey Colleen, It's your ex husband here. I find the words I want to say to you to be difficult to come by. I feel like vinegar is in my throat. I feel ashamed to admit that I miss you at times. My views have changed so much on the world because of you, and I'm not blaming you for everything that happened. I believe fully to this day that I was 50% at fault for all things that happened, you may not take 50% responsibility and that's your choice but I hope you are more objective than that. I'll never understand why I can't feel hate towards you, the cheating.... God the cheating has made me so cynical of women. Why did you cheat? I could handle everything you ever threw my way, I could handle being hit, the name calling, the arguments, but Colleen, when you cheated on me with Carlynn I finally snapped, I died on the inside. I understood high school was shitty and your life was in pieces so the leaving and stupid decisions I passed off to youth. The fact you were always honest with me kept me going, but after Carlynn I broke. That's the reason sex declined, I felt less attracted to you. My wife broke her vows, and I forgave you. So my lack of interest was hurtful to you, I should have communicated the issue and worked through it with you. I really should have, and I apologize for that. I understood your reasons for leaving I really did, I just, I was so damn mad that you gave up your tattoo apprenticeship to get away from me. I would have slept on the couch during the divorce just for you to keep your career, that's how much your happiness meant to me. I don't think you'll ever know how much I truly adored you even after all the times you hurt me. I know I hurt you too though, a million times I would do it all over again, I appreciate now more than ever, the moments we had together. And the lessons you taught me about women, it's not your fault, but the fault of people like your mother who believe men are disposable and useless, the fault of people like Carlynn who think sexual acts and sexuality can be so easily given to others without repercussions. I know your parent's relationship also had an effect on your outlook of relationships. Marriage is something no one should ever quit on once committed. Which is why I will never remarry, I will never in my life love someone the way I loved you. Because you took that part from me, you took it away forever. I don't think I could even give it back to you either. I'm forever broken up about it now. This is the path I walk, the path of MGTOW.