Ok so my ex have been seperated almost 2 years, she started dating again the the very next week and was in a relationship with a guy she has known for a long time since about a month after. Now she and I have 3 children, but the youngest 2 are autistic so it is hard to get a read from them at time how they feel. My oldest (14) however makes it damn clear how he feels. He loves his mother but at the same time can't stand her as a person. For years he witnessed her lying and cheating and the fighting caused by it. I've done my best to abide by what the courts told me and to try make him see her in a positive light but she doesn't want to work on their relationship herself so it is no good, he has seen her for who she is, and drawn his own conclusion as to what kind of person she is which is why he chose to live with me.

The problem is the things he doesn't know. Right now his relationship with her boyfriend is probably better in some ways than his relationship with her, and I have little doubt that it would be that way if he knew the whole story. The guy is a waste of air and always has been and the fact they are together is another indication that she most likely have a mental health issue.

So here is what my son doesn't know. His mother and I broke up for a year and during that time she dated one of her current partners best friends, only to lie to me about them being over and cheat on him to get back together with me. Shortly after she was pregnant with out oldest, only to have her ex and his friends, including her current boyfriend, tell every mutual acquaintance that he baby was really her ex's. Years later when I thought things might finally be looking up for the two of us and our marriage I find out she has been talking to the current boyfriend behind my back, while he is trying to talk her into leaving me saying marrying me was a mistake, the fight was so bad her own best friends called her out on it and she swore she would never talk to him again. Flash forward several and suddenly in a span of a month things of gone from fine to her back to her usual behaviours when she is cheating, throwing me out and filing bogus charges. During this time I get into an argument with one of her "friends" about the situation only to be told "look even if she does end up hooking up with some old friend from Halifax or something it doesn't mean you guys are finished for good". A month later her and her boyfriend who lived in Halifax and had been basically trying to slime his way into her pants for years, and if you believe that is a coincidence I have a nice bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. Then within 2 months of getting together they plan on her taking the kids and moving up there with him without telling me (kidnapping). Then after he moved in a few months ago things between the ex and I got worse from a parenting point of view. He has convinced her that, despite what the medical professionals say, it is fine to leave our 12 autistic daughter home alone and outside unsupervised even though she requires a full time at school and wears a radio tracking bracelet because she is deemed a flight risk. Also what passed for co-parenting between the ex and I compeltly changed as well, not necessarily all for the bad but still mostly due to his interference. Before he moved in the ex was still trying to keep a level of codependency between us by asking for favors and offering to help with things that were not her business. Now I can't even get her to help buy our son a new cellphone, and when we agreed to go half on a Nintendo switch for our daughter's birthday next month a week later her boyfriend goes out and buys one for the kids. As well now of they want to change the visitation nights instead of my ex and I talking about it they have my daughter call and ask me if she can come over not realizing I can hear them in the back ground telling her what to say.

So this brings me to my dilemma. My son doesn't talk about his mom's boyfriend much mainly because they don't do much, but he is fine with them living together because it gets her off his back more. But it burns me up that he hates his mother so much for the way the marriage ended and the things she did but doesn't know that in some of those things her boyfriend is equally guilty. As well there is a very good chance his mother suffers from a personality disorder, that kind of thing runs in her family and she was even referred to a psychiatrist by a marriage councilor because of how her personality changes drastically depending on the people she is around and has little grasp of the consequences of her actions. This could go a long way to helping him understand why she switched from the loving caring mother her grew up with to the distant neglectful he saw when she was cheating on me and now that the marriage is over.

So that's my plea for help/rant. The truth is I do still love my ex but also know she will never change and have done everything I can to move on, but I also have spend over a year raising a 14 year old mostly on my own and have to watch him struggle with these issues and his feelings for his mother. The pain I feel when I see him almost ashamed to love her and the issues he now has with female authority figures because of their unhealthy relationship is horrible. But I don't know what to do. I don't trust my own instincts. Maybe I really do want to tell him these things to try to take some of the hate he feels away from her, or maybe I just want him to hate the piece of human garbage she is dating. All I do know is that I hate what all of this has done to my son, he has years of shit to work through that no kid should have to deal with and I am worried more is going to get shoveled on as time goes by.