Crosspost "What it's like just after divorce for men. What I experienced. - FYI. important for both spouses to know." from /r/Divorcedonts:

There is a common misconception that women are more heartbroken after divorce than men are — picture the cliché divorcee trying to put her life back together after being left.

The truth is, divorce is just as hard for us men; we too made vows, lost our best friend and saw our futures disappear.

What I felt and so many other divorce men I know....

All your dreams die. Think about how that feels. You stand in an empty home that was supposed to be filled with laughter, good times, children, a future — and now it’s just an empty home ... Everyone puts on the brave face. But you know deep down that you are broken on a very fundamental level. Its pretty scary. Its very lonely, it changes you.”

Emotionally it was devastating. I was with her for 14 years, 10 of those married. In my heart and my head I was committed forever. We have kids who were hurt very badly and are still struggling nearly seven years later. It is a brutal thing — I didn’t give a shit about the financial aspects, that lasts a few years and then you move forward. It is the destruction of the family that is the real disaster.

The biggest thing I noticed after the divorce was how I was seen by her. I was a resource, not a person. It’s lonely, and you really start to question why you try so hard when no one gives a shit about you. You start to think a lot more about what’s important to you versus what’s just an obligation you’ve carried out of familiarity.

No matter how much you want to be friends and be amicable, it always turns messy. You have to divorce half of your stuff, half your money, and in some cases a good chunk of your future money. But by the time you are done you might not even care, because you just want the nightmare to end so badly. If you have kids... it never ends.

I think the difference is in a marriage, you’ve relaxed into it completely because it’s supposed to be for life. You’ve let the commitment completely envelop you. And then the rug, and the earth beneath it, get yanked from under you.

Adapting to life after divorce is hard for guys under the best of circumstances. But you can make it easier on yourself, your ex, and your children if you avoid some of the most common mistakes.

Dating Too Soon

Too many men seek out a new relationship before the dust has settled on their divorce, DON’T!

Isolating Yourself

After a divorce, it's easy for guys to let themselves become isolated, especially if the ex gets custody of the kids. That's another big mistake. It can worsen feelings of depression, guilt, and loneliness, a potentially dangerous mix. I was SO GUILTY OF THIS

Divorced men are also more prone to alcohol problems, tobacco and even worse so be careful of starting down that road.

see footnote data in comments

Backing Off From Parenting

If you're a dad, divorce doesn't change that. Your child still needs you as a father, not as a visitor.

In no way am I am saying it's harder on us guys, but I think it's healthy that both spouses know what it's like on the other side. I welcome women to share their side post-divorce!

Posted by loudbounce | 8 June 2017 | Link