Hello all.

I will try to keep the facts to the point. I have been, over the past months, coming to realize that my marriage is most likely not salvageable anymore. The differences and the damage are adding up too much.

We started rough. Were planning on getting married, both were religious and slipped with having sex and getting pregnant. This brought me down, we both came from difficult backgrounds of neglect and bad parents. That left us with little self-esteem and other unresolved issues.

We got married. I became depressed and had had depression before but was never treated. I somewhat resented her and blamed her for my shortcomings and wrote that in my journal. I thought I should have and could have done better.

She read my journal, after I got treatment and sought help. I was feeling better about our future and was now excited about being a father and put my all into that and providing for my family. She was hurt and now resented me. She left me less than a year later for a month to decide whether or not she wanted to continue. \

I begged for another chance. I realized I needed to work on showing love and affection more and committed to doing that, and I have. We got back together, and she was accepted into her masters program in another city. We moved, I gave up both my jobs, left everything pretty much and was even unemployed for 6 months. \

She began to grow cold again. Became really close with her new friends in school. Neglected me. I did everything, and still do, like all the cooking, cleaning, baking, taking child to care and everything while i work full time. I thought she was having an affair. I grabbed her phone and told her to unlock it and show me her locked app with texts. She refused, got in a fight and almost split.

She decided to abandon her faith and beliefs that we had in our religion, and that it was all a farce. I hold those beliefs very personally and am a very spiritual person and this tore me deep.

I find out she cheated on her ex she lived with on her cherry popping "friend", who she was still hanging with occasionally and speaking with. I said enough is enough, me or him. She had to think and once I was ready to pack my stuff she agreed. She continued to communicate, and left for 6 weeks a few months later for school in the place where he lived. I knew she was seeing him, had my friend follow her and she stayed the night at his place and got drunk.

I thought it was over, said we were getting a divorce and all. She begged for another chance and swore on her father's grave they did not do anything sexual. The relationship had escalated into an emotional attachment but she did not want to hurt me, and would never cheat again... I came to believe her for the most part. She said she would change and I gave her another chance.

5 months later, no real change. I still do everything. She goes to school and texts her friends and does her own thing mostly. I am sex starved and often it goes a week to 2 weeks before she is willing to have sex. And she won't even really kiss or get that into it. I am decent looking, healthy, work out, decent guy...

Today, I texted her and said I had a hard time not giving into porn, and that I didnt' want to to avoid damaging our bond and so forth. She completely ignored it. Wouldn't mention it when we got home. She has told me in the past when I attempt sexy time, to go relieve myself.

I feel I cannot progress with her. We were once on the same path, and now she is going a totally different direction, she resents me, I don't trust her, and I think it is clear she is just letting things get by until she is at least done school.

I am left always wanting and unfulfilled. Empty, and lonely. I want someone with the same spiritual convictions, someone who wants to progress with me and appreciates all the things I do.

I set up a counseling appointment and am going to be 100% frank about my feelings and thoughts. She has 6 months left of school classes before clinical, which is when I feel it would be best to part ways. I have brought up getting a separation agreement in case things go sour, she has not agreed. I am going to push for that with the counseling appointments to protect us both and avoid further hassle.

MY PROBLEM: Should I just shut down sexually and refuse if she asks so I can begin pulling away? It is hard for me to say no, but I feel controlled by her that way. How do I prepare now to be emotionally disconnected as she is to allow for an easier split? Any other advice? I have spoken to a lawyer, but not made any big move, I want easy simple and least expensive. He said separation agreement would prevent conflict and expensive court processes.

TL;DR Wife and I have grown incompatible, she resents me, I do not trust her following emotional affair; one kid, she is half way through masters, don't want her to drop out and ensure income for future.