I'm not sure how much more I can take. Need to vent, if nothing else.

Wife and I married due to her getting pregnant in my sophomore year. I had no intentions of not raising my daughter but it was a relationship that started without love. 22 years later, I couldn't take the isolation anymore and we separated. Actually, to be 100% accurate, she left but I found that doesn't make a bit of difference since I'm the bread winner.

Neither of us were/are perfect. We were young and not good at being a spouse, but we weren't the first to start this way and I thought it could work. Less than a year in, she started having "personal sexual issues". That translated into 6+ months of no sex, no contact, no anything and this would repeat over and over for 20+ years.

I supported her and assumed it was medical. Maybe psychological. Paid for Dr's, drugs, etc. Adjusted myself to make a difference in any way I could because I assumed it had to be me. Never got better for more than a few months at a time. Still, I never strayed. Not once.

We have 3 kids total and her full rejection of me grew to things as simple as not even wanting to sit near me. I knew it was me, but tried to deny it and think of new ways to make it better. Even until the 22nd year. She always responded with, it's not you it's me. :-)

She didn't want to be a stay at home mom but she also didn't want to be a career woman. She despised being a wife, in the sense that one might view a spouse of a career man who earns well. Cooking? Not often. Clearly no physical or emotional support. Was good with the babies but not as good as they got older and they gravitated towards me. I sent her back to school twice and she quit both times. She went back for cosmetology and got her license. She doesn't cut hair anymore. Sent her to school for real estate license, which she obtained. She doesn't "feel like"selling houses so she works at a real estate office as an office assistant. Part time. $11/hr. All by choice as she had my full support to do ANYTHING to do better for herself. She preferred to rely on me.

Finances? Me. She would miss bill payments constantly. Groceries? Me. Homework/schooling? Me. Discipline? Me. She didn't even make up for all of this by being the super-cleaner type. She was as messy as our kids and wore it like a badge of honor.

During our marriage I worked my ass off to build a good career, get a degree, coach HS sports, and maintain our home. I AM NOT PERFECT. I have many flaws. But please know that I was not abusive, never went to bars, never went out with the guys excessively(actually pretty rare), never smoked or did drugs. I'm a normal guy with my own personality flaws like everyone else.

Now we split. Here's my new life:

I lose my kids to 50% which is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'm a father that loves to be around his kids and they love me dearly too. But that's how it goes in the courts.

I pay her $1000/mo and i'm "lucky" she doesn't file for alimony, according to her.

I offered her 50% of the 401k, 50% of the house equity, the more expensive paid off car, 63% of the assets, ZERO bills including medical and student loans in her name, ZERO health care contributions for the kids, anything she wanted from the house and I mean anything and she took it, and full commitment from me that I would never let them be without.

That wasn't enough. "I want 1/2 of your pension". My attorney, high profile, says we can try to negotiate something in place of it. She refuses to even listen to offers. In the meantime, I pay her the $1000/mo and she tells me she can't afford more than $20 for lunch money for TWO kids in school. Yet, I saw that she had her eyebrows done, started art classes, went away for the weekend, etc.

Today, I cave and say take the f'ng pension but I'm not dong 63% of the assets then. I only did that to offset the fact that you said you weren't going after my pension. "I have to talk to my lawyer". But I'm giving EXACTLY what you asked for! Except I'm not. She's asking for more than what she's owed in assets, plus the 401k, plus the pension.

Why is this allowed? Why is she rewarded for being an average mother, shitty spouse, underachiever in work, etc. by giving her all the control? She left the house and the kids! Doesn't matter. She makes so little compared to me, I'm basically at her mercy.

I am a great father. A great earner. A pure family man. I've done nothing more than decide I can't take being alone in my marriage anymore and now i'm being pushed to the point I feel like I'm ready to shut down. Completely.

I've lost every thing and she's gained it all. She can work when she wants, where she wants, do what she wants, decide if/when she's going to pay for the kids because she knows I'd never ever let them go without. I'm left paying a mortgage, taking care of the house, and getting it ready for sale ALONE, so that she can get her half. She doesn't have to help at all! Repairs? Nope. She doesn't make enough money. Help getting it ready? Nope. No law for that.

I'm close. Real close. If something doesn't give, I'll quit and then there's no more fighting. She gets everything whether I stick around and fight or I quit and go away. All of the burden is on me.

Is this my reward for working so hard at work, parenting, and trying to get better as a spouse? Or is this her reward for doing as little as possible?

I'm so fucking close.