https://youtu.be/iPnPHkyN-KY Pilot Episode
This is my first attempt of focusing (self-improvement) some negative energy into something positive. To many articles and to many statistics that will bring a brother down ! Some people get hobbies, others can't...I believe there is a way. No matter how down you may feel, there is something out there that's for you. Going to the gym, playing video games, joining this helpful group, anything that helps keep the mind occupied. New challenges, small or big, doesn't matter !
I'm trying to merge creepypasta with men's stories, be them anecdotal or not ! Something new...
Keep in mind reading is not the same as watching the video.
I'm narrating a made up story in the video of an ex-husband that gives an insight into his ex-wife life after the divorce. If you don't like Youtube, this is the story :
" Not many details are known about the life of a divorced woman other than the obvious. They generally keep to themselves, it's said than even discussing about them attracts unwanted attention. That being said a recently divorced friend of mine gave me an insight into the life of such creatures and quite frankly now I wished I didn't asked. He told me a story about what happened to her new boyfriend who was just 21. They decided to go on a vacation to celebrate her freedom from the patriarchy together with some of her friends. The same friends who had a hand in her divorce, telling her how she should be free and that she needs to find herself. She took her new boyfriend and friends to the same place her now ex-husband proposed, probably because of some sort of ritual. It seems that she insisted on separate tents for all of them, after all they where in the middle of nowhere and had plenty of space, the boyfriend being the youngest of the group accepted without questions, in part because he was not yet accustomed to her doings. On the 3rd day of the trip the new boyfriend woke up before everybody else and went outside his tent. Not wanting to wake anybody up he went for a stroll to stretch his legs. The Sun wasn't quite up yet but there was enough light to see one's surroundings. Other than his better half and her friends there wasn't a soul to be found for tens of miles. Just nature, birds waking up and starting to sing, a breeze that smelled of fresh pine cones and the sound of the river in the distance. Paradise. Then something happened : the calm atmosphere shifted, the air around him became to dense to move, the sound of the birds became the lamentations of his soul. (WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?)The tree figures merged into one big shadow filled with rage and then...silence. A strange sense of dread overcame him and compelled him to turn right. There, 100 feet from him in a small forest opening stood a females figure, more accurately her naked figure right next to somebody else. Their body's seemingly superimposed under the dim light of the not risen Sun. They where looking at him while slowly moving back and forward. He froze for what he felt was an eternity. Could they actually see him ? Or where they just positioned that way. He decided to go back to his tent and worn the others that they where not alone. After what felt like ages walking, he reached the tents and woke everybody up. That's when he realized two tents where empty. He immediately got in his car leaving everything behind and never looked back. And that is the reason why nobody talks about what happens after a divorce."
Let me know what you think, how can I improve.
[+]Ok-Tennis-57201 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
I like what you did. Music, pacing good. The end was too abrupt for me. Could you tie in what you think frightened him? How does it fit with "divorced women". No need to be specific, just allude to what he was going through. Was it a coven, and he was to be a sacrifice?
Establish that they were traveling by car? How many were in the group? Did he abandon them all with no car? Did he possibly abandon innocent women, the ones still sleeping?
I'm not a book publisher, editor, nor even a writer, but I like good fiction.
[+]Saint_Ballz1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, it was more like a pilot episode. Proof of concept if you will. I made it short on purpose just to see IF I'm even going in the right direction. " Could you tie in what you think frightened him? " - his gut feeling. "How does it fit with "divorced women" ?" - many times you hear stories about women being influenced by her friends. "You can do better", "He doesn't treat you right" etc. The woman in this story left her husband, found a toy boy but went wild, the whole discovering themselves without thinking of the consequences. I like the coven theory, I would say yes but less macabre. Surrounding herself with males that want her for her body, so she can feel empowered. As for the car or group, didn't really think that far.
" I'm not a book publisher, editor, nor even a writer, but I like good fiction. " - and I'm just a random guy who's trying, not saying succeeding, but trying to create something. It's quite fun, but as a non native English speaker, ehm, not easy. In the next story I will lay more details down. I'm happy at least 1 person liked it. That's all I needed. Thank you.
[+]Ok-Tennis-57201 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Just have fun. If you can make a living having fun, all the better. Just keep going.