Crosspost "[SERIOUS] Falsely accused of sexual harassment by a female colleague. It has happened !" from /r/bakchodi:
I work for a small company hardly a year old. About a month ago, a new girl was hired. I was at leave from work when she joined. My work required no interaction with her, so I never tried to make any contact with her. Further we worked on separate floors, so there was no accidental contact with her too. I am 24 and she is 22.
Thankfully (perhaps?) almost all the interaction I had with her is with me as it was mostly over chats.
I am going to write a detailed account of all the chats and events following it. I am honestly not hoping for any serious help here. But, I am totally at loss about what to do. I really thank you from my heart if you end up reading this. Maybe sharing it with random strangers on internet will give me some relief that at-least there's someone out there who will know my story too.
Story Time
First time I talked to her was when I was having a smoke outside the office with another colleague(male). There was some small random talk and that's it. Next day onwards, she started messaging me on company's slack channel(Messenger app for businesses similar to whatsapp). It was general enough and pretty dull, so everyday I would end up ignoring her after a couple of exchanges. And she would send a message next morning. This went on for 5 days. The contents of the chat were really trivial. What do you do in free time, what time do you wake up, what time do you after you leave and all that.
In between, she sent me friend requests on Facebook and Instagram. I ignored them for couple of days. But later accepted them.
Then, on the 6th day she messaged me asking If I wanted to come down for a smoke. I asked her if she was a smoker. She said no but you can come down and and meet me. I thought about it for a second, felt I might use a break and went down with another colleague. Again it was just small talk for as long as a cigarette lasts and I went back to my floor.
After about 1.5 hours, I received a text from an unknown number with just "He Ha Ha" . I replied with a '?' and there was a reply with "Kaise ho"(How are you). I ignored it and didn't reply. Few minutes later, I received a call from the same number. A girl spoke - "Hello mai Laxmi bol rahi hun. Kaise hain aap. Hume to bhool hi gaye hain aap bilkul. Aisa kya kar diya hai humne". (Hi I am Laxmi this side. How are you doing. You have completely forgotten me. What Have I done that you have forgotten me). It was her talking in a made up voice. Some kind of cheap attempt at a prank I take it. The other colleague was with her during this call. I disconnected the call and she called back and started laughing and told me it's her. I laughed along and said okay and disconnected.
I hadn't made any attempt to get her contact. She had found out my number herself from somewhere and called.
Same evening, we had a small party in office. Pizza and cards. Again random talk and everyone went home. At night, I texted to the same number asking if it was Her or the other colleague. She responded it was her and that was the end of our sms exchange.
5 days later, she again sent a message on Slack at night asking if I was still working, with the teary laughing emoji. I exchanged 3-4 messages like "you are lucky you get to leave office so early", "what do you do in so much free time after office". She was talking about laundry and she washes her clothes and all that. I ignored as I was in office and work was too hectic since last few weeks. I would come at 10-11 in the morning and go after midnight each day. I hardly have a life outside office and spend most of my weekends too at office, all alone. So, I got back to my work. Finished for the day and left.
Next day one of my friend was going to come. So I left a message in the team channel (like a whatsapp group of all team members) that I was going to be on leave for next few days and would be travelling to a nearby hill station.
Two days later, she sent me a message on Whatsapp now. Asking where I was and where am I travelling. I made an excuse that I am with family and again stopped replying after 3-4 texts when it got annoying.
A week later, she messaged me on Whatsapp asking how was my trip going. I told her I was back and in the office. Also that I didn't go on my trip as it was raining. She went on to give me suggestions about where I all could have gone . I asked her how was her weekend and stuff. She told me that she goes for dance classes. I asked her what kind of dance. She said "Jazz". This got me very happy. I am a huge jazz lover (not dance, but the music) and have been trying to learn being "jazzy" and all the chords and voicing and everything else on guitar for a while. There were 2-3 more messages about "jazz" and then I generally asked her to show me her dance someday. She said "I can send you video.Wait...". This was very awkward for me. I was in office tying to catch up with work on the lost time during my leave. I stopped replying to her messages at this point. Then I spent my entire night working and went back home at 6 AM. After reaching home I replied to her last message that "It'll be really awkward" (to send the video).
She has morning timings (6 AM -2 PM). She replied asking if "I was awake" . I said it's your office time and you should be in office. She went on to send a selfie and then a video of her. I live alone and keep fishes in an aquarium and I was cleaning it after reaching home. Told her the same and stopped replying.
After a few minutes, she started video calling me. I rejected the call 2 times. She sent laughing emojis and asked why am I not picking up the call and If I am shy or something. I made an excuse that I feel uncomfortable and only do video calls with my mom. She went on trying convince me to pick up the video call. I refused. Then she started making questions regarding my fishes and all. It was getting really irritating now. So I ignored her messages, kept my phone aside and starting cleaning my aquarium and slept a bit after.
In the afternoon, she messages me again on Slack and asked me If I had come to office. I told her no I haven't and made an excuse that it's raining and I'll be late. She went on to make more talk, but I ignored.
A few minutes later, she sent me her selfie again in some bathroom. I just replied with a laughing emoji. After a while, she started video calling me again. I rejected them . She messaged me saying "Please receive the call once na...Plzzzz". I refused again and asked why do you want to video call me. She replied "I want to see you" . I again just replied with the laughing emoji.
She then sent a more direct message asking me to meet her in her floor and then go to my cabin when I reach office. I said okay. She still kept on sending messages saying "Sure you will come na". "Please come or I will start video calling again". I replied in affirmative. And sent her my face selfie saying here you can see me and be happy. This would be the only photo/media I sent her. I went to office but didn't meet her. I went to my cabin directly and at night left her a message saying "Hey I came to meet you but you were not there" ( I knew her work timings).
Next afternoon, she sent a message while I was in office with a crying emoji saying she is so sorry and she had to go home last day.
It was after 2PM and I thought she would have left by now. I replied with "where are you". She said in the office only and asked me where I was. I told her I was in the common floor and having my lunch. She replied with a 'wink' emoji and "ohhh".
I asked her why is sending the wink emoji. She replied with "Meet me" and the happy emoji. I said come to the common floor if you want to meet.
This was the first time I actually had any alone face-to-face conversation with her. It was a simple conversation. I asked her about her education background, family background and her dance stuff and she asked similar questions. I finished lunch, told her good bye and went to my cabin.
An hour later, she sends me a message on whatsapp saying "Hey missing me.. I know". I replied with "No not really".
She said "No you are lying, I know you are missing me" with a lot of winky and teasing emojis. I didn't knew what to respond. It was friday eve and I asked her the most obvious question " any plans tonight ?".
She replied with "Nope" and a laughing emoji. And then after a few minutes replied "U want to take me out :)"
I told her I will be going drinking. I always do on friday eve. I have no friends here and feel very awkward sitting all alone amidst groups of friends and other couples in restaurant and cafes. So I go to a quiet bar, have a beer or two and get going to home just to get a fell that it's a weekend. I work on Saturdays too though. But it gives me some kind of weird but good feeling that I too have "Fridays"
To her "U want to take me out :)" , I replied with "Take you out han! Lol".
She then replied to it saying "Take me out meaning... go out with me".
I replied with "They are two very different things madam". She replied with "Okay got to know sir".
That was it. I didn't had a mood to respond to her any further. My focus was on finishing up the big pile of work
that I had somehow before it was too late to have my beer and Friday night Netflix session after.
About 10-15 minutes later, she again sends a message asking "You want to drink ?" and then "Are we meeting ?" immediately after it.
I thought about it for a good 10 minutes and then decided what the heck. I'll ask her to come to the same beer cafe. Have a pint or two with some food and then get going. She was a new employee in our startup, so I thought it would be like taking out a junior on a treat. I replied with "Yep. Meet me at 7:30 at so and so place". She confirmed.
After an hour, she sends me a message saying I am running late and can I meet you by 8:30. I was still in office. Thought about it and said okay " I'll leave office an hour later then".
Called her at 8 to confirm. She didn't pick up. Then she called me after a few minutes and I didn't realize the call and missed it. I continued to do my work.
Finally at 9, I packed up from office. I realized she won't come now, and left her messages on whatsapp saying "Please tell me if you are coming. I'll make some other plans otherwise". I didn't wait for a reply, left office and boarded a bus back home.
Just as I was about to get off the bus, I received a call from her. I got off from the bus and she was right there. 10 meters away from me. I was still on the phone but I had recognized her, so I moved towards her and said the usual "Hi how are you on all that".
It's amazing how the universe was aligned perfectly to fuck me up properly that night. I mean what are the odds. Everything cancelled and then she would meet me totally randomly as soon as I get off at my bus stop.
The pub I mentioned is about 200 meters from the bus stop. My home is another 500 meters ahead.
She was in her scooty. I sat behind her and directed her to my home as I had to keep my laptop and
feed the fishes as I hadn't fed them in the morning. We reached, kept the bag, fed my fishes and changed. Then came back with her to the pub.
It was a crowded friday night, so got a 1 hour waiting for the table. We went to the bar counter and asked what she wanted. She was in full on party mood and ordered vodka shots. We did the shots. I got a drink for myself and she got a beer and started chatting about random stuff. Instagram photos, dog videos and all that crap. She wanted tequilla shots after that. We did the shots. Having finished the drinks, she got herself a large vodka and I took a small whiskey. Ordered some food.
Received a call that our table was ready, so headed to the table from the bar. We went to the table and I sat opposite her. She held my hand and yanked me next to her saying come and sit next to me. I did. She came really close, laid her head on my shoulders and started some random chat again. I was concentrating on the food.
Then randomly, she kissed me on the cheek and started giggling. She was a bit tipsy at this point I think. I looked at her and smiled awkwardly.
I should describe her appearance too I guess. She was short 5"2 I think and pretty fat. Not that it means anything, but I wasn't really attracted to her in any way and in I don't think I am attractive enough that a girl would be interested in me. Neither do I have any kind of experience being with drunk girls. I assumed it was a friendly gesture and was happy that she is having a good time.
Anyhow, the food was done. Drinks were done. Time to go home.
She got up and said she needed to go to the washroom. She also asked me to please take care of the bill, and that she would pay me back when she gets her salary next week. I had planned for a pint or two and some finger food. But there had been order of Absolute vodka, tequila shots, fancy beef burgers and other stuff. The bill was a solid 5500 in total. I felt the burn but proceeded to pay it. She came out of the washroom and said she wanted one last tequila shot before we left. Add in another 1000. Paid and came out.
It was drizzling a bit. Once outside, she came face to face with me. Wrapped her arms around my neck, placed her head on my chest and starting talking stuff like "I had a good time", "My head feels so good" and other things. One thing I clearly recall her saying is "You know you look so intelligent and attractive when I see you working on your computer. You don't even notice me when I come into your cabin. And then I feel so dumb looking you work like that". Well, I'm a frontend developer, and all frontend developers look pretty much the same with slouched backs and eyes with dark circles. I can't imagine myself being called attractive. I was pretty sure she's just saying some feel good stuff to me after drinking.
She had came in a scooty. I warned her that there's police checking in both directions and that let's book a cab to take her home. She wouldn't take the cab and suggested that we go to my place nearby and that she'd wait for a while and go away as the cops would go away after an hour or so and also the alcohol high will wear off.
Home was very near. I took the keys and drove her to my place. We went in. She started playing with my fishes and i went to change as the clothes were wet.
I do not know if it would make sense to go to a lot of details about what happened inside and turn it into a sax thread.
I came after changing. She had gone to my terrace. It was beautiful there. Full moon night. Light drizzle. Tall green trees all around the house and a pleasant breeze. Add the high from the drinks to it and you can imagine what a happy state of head I was in. After soooo long.
She started showing me her dance and then proceeded to hold my hand and we started dancing like those close romantic dances with twirls and all. She then came really close hugging me tightly. It was all happening on the roof. I was pretty excited with this turn of events too. It was nice. The mood was amazing, my head was feeling so light. I kissed her on the neck and she responded quite well to it. I said to her let's go back inside the house as it's not right to kiss and all in open when people might be watching.
She giggled and said "Hey I am not gonna let you have sex with me". I remember this moment so vividly. Looked her in this eyes and said "Hey I do not have any interest in having sex too. And even if I did, you are drunk and I don't want you to regret it tomorrow" and smiled. She smiled back. I assumed the boundaries were set and happily followed her back to the room.
Didn't get intimate immediately after going in. I picked up my guitar and proceeded to sing couple of songs. She started singing too. I was sitting on a bean bag and she at a distance was lying in a mattress. We were having fun. She was giggling and laughing the whole time.
Things got heated in a bit, and we ended up going till 2nd base. She was thoroughly enjoying and giving me directions like "not rough, do it slowly, more to the left " and all that.
She was on top of me. I was sucking on her boob. When she suddenly pulled off and asked me, "Hey when did you start liking me ? When did you decide you want to be in a relationship with me "
I was in a fun mood. I thought she is just asking like that.
I replied with "Hey we are not in a relationship or something. We hardly even know each other. It's nice to have fun like this. I'm glad you met me today".
Suddenly all the expressions in her face changed. So rapidly. She got really angry and started saying things like "How dare you think I am that kind of girl. I am not okay with casual relationships and all. " And then went on to scream a bit like "where is my Scooty key. Have you hidden it. I want to go home". The key was on the table near the main door only where I had kept it when we entered.
Before this, I had offered her to 1) Book a cab and leave her scooty 2) I drive her scooty back while she goes in a cab 3) Drive her on her scooty and then myself come back in cab. She was adamant about not taking any other options. I was scared she might get into an accident or get caught by cops. So I said to her that you can wait for a bit more and let the alcohol go away and then leave.
But this time she was pretty loud. Screaming I want to go and give me my keys. I was too really pissed at this point. I picked up the keys and gave it to her and she left.
I left her a message on whatsapp that inform me when you reach home please. She replied after reaching. I replied "thanks for making me feel like some douche. I hope you enjoyed it ". She replied with "I am sorry. I'll pay you back when I get my salary. Everything was nice untill you tried to kiss me. I didn't like it. I had stopped you once. Anyways it was great to know you."
I was a bit confused about the "tried to kiss me" part. We were both kissing each others neck and chest. She had some hickeys on the neck. She was very weirdly kissing with lot of saliva and was biting me. Biting as in literally biting very very hard. Almost pulling of the flesh. That kind of bite. It was very painful and I had to push her mouth away 3-4 times. I had blue/black blood clot spots on my chest, arms and neck and it pained terribly for next two days. But I recalled the events and remembered that she was reluctant when I tried to kiss her on the lips. She would turn away. First time I thought she was teasing or something. She didn't respond positively so I moved to kissing other parts. When I tried again, she explicitly said NO not on lips. I didn't go back to the lips after that.
Anyways, I was very annoyed by how she behaved in the end. I messaged her with just a "Yeah", absorbed whatever has happened and went to sleep. I honestly did not had any intentions of having sex with her or anything. So I wasn't really disappointed. It was nice to have someone to hold and cuddle and kiss so I enjoyed those parts but was completely indifferent to not having done anything further. No clothes were taken off. Just some hand slipping inside the top and feeling a bit actions.
I didn't hear back from her after this. I messaged her on Whatsapp to ask how she was doing and when she is going to return my money(Deleted the money message after few seconds). But apparently she had blocked me. I assumed she was upset that I didn't respond positively to her question of relationship. Workload was high and I drowned myself in it. Things went back to the same haze of getting up, going to office, coming back exhausted and going to sleep. Each day. Everyday.
Several days later, I was happily listening to a John Mayer track in the office, when I received a call from the legal counsel of the company. He was to the point. He said "In light of the harassment that has happened, we would be terminating you immediately. We would also like to inform you that we will not be able to provide any letter of good conduct to you. Please collect you belongings and leave immediately".
This was huge. I couldn't immediately soak in what has happened. It was a beautiful day. Cloudy and cool. I had make some really good breakthroughs in work assignments. I started and kept calling everyone I could to know what the actual fuck has happened. To no avail. All they said was we have received a complaint of sexual harassment against you and we can't be associated with you in any way now.
After a day I find out the accusation against me.
The girl had insinuated: "I was out on a casual outing with him. After making me drink a lot and getting me in an inebriated state, he took me to his home on the pretext of helping with boarding a cab. When we entered his house, he forcefully tried to kiss me. On opposing this, he took my arm and twisted it very hard. It was paining very badly next day. After this he proceeded to sexually assault me against my will. I somehow ran away from the place and came home. Next day I discovered there were several bite marks all over my neck."
Shocked is not even the right word for what I felt. I couldn't believe someone can just plainly lie like that. I have never met any person who I think is capable of doing this.
All through the night when she was in my home, she was constantly chatting with her roommate, some other guy friends, one ex-boyfriend , some guy who goes out drinking with her and her mom. She was picking up calls from them and talking to them all the time she was in my house. Even showing me photos of her ex boyfriends and describing her previous sex life.
Her mom has some big shot job and has deep contacts in media, who she says she will get involved. She claims to know the ACP of the city and was threatening to get me arrested and thrown in jail whenever she wants. She was also describing some very scary torture techniques that she will have the police do to me. She herself have been though a divorce so I guess she is well versed with all law related procedures and things. I am a North Indian living in Bangalore. She is a South Indian with apparently a support of large family and community. The condition of our judicial and social systems is vey well known to me. I have no money at all. Just last week, I had taken all my savings of 2 years and converted it to a FD of 1.5 Lakh in my parents name. Cant use that money too now. My account balance right now is Rs. 2434. No more job, no more salary. I have a roof on my head for 15 more days. Then I wouldn't be able to make rent. My parents do not have any savings and there is a lot of medicine expenses. I have no friends I can approach for financial help or even just let me vent.
I have been in depression since my high school days. After school was a very dark phase. I ran away several times, have tried multiple times to commit suicide and known what it is like to have no motivation to live and wake up in the morning at all. I have been sexually assaulted when I was a kid. For 3 years. A man who used to live in the same neighbourhood used to call me into his home and did some nasty stuff that I don't feel like telling. I knew about what he was doing was wrong. But even as a kid, I could see my Dad working from 6am-6pm and the visible lines of tensions in his forehead. I always knew he was just a weak and coward middle class man trying to make his family's ends meet. He had no power nor any connections nor any strength to fight anyone in any way. I have always feared for him a lot. So I decided not to tell what was done to me to anyone. And simply resorted to avoiding the neighbour as much as I could. I went into a shell and never really came out of it. If you look at me, you would see a perfectly happy human being. I've perfected the art. I'm never sad when I have company. I got through college somehow, but I was still the same if not worse. The thoughts and the perpetual sadness never left me. But I learned to live with it. College came with a packaged combo offer of drug addiction too. Heroin was a sweetheart. It ruined me physically, but even after being off of it for 2 years now, I still have respect for it in my heart. The only thing that gives me some real relaxation. I have even composed a song about it. And it is a damn fine song I tell you. The 2-min long guitar solo in E melodic minor will definitely give you some blues. I wish I could've played it to someone. But who ? Haha.
Since the last 2 years, I did nothing but work. I didn't allow my mind to drift to any pessimistic or sad thoughts because I wouldn't let myself have any free time. I had found out this was the only way I can stop myself from driving myself to insanity. And it worked beautifully. I hail from a small town, and moving to a big city worked wonders. It was so satisfying to be all alone with no one at all giving a fuck about you. I reciprocated the same and always minded my own business. Only things I have done in past two years is work , watch movies on Netflix by myself , play guitar, smoke weed and REDDIT. That's all.
I used to look at all the pretty girls in their beautiful dresses going around the city when I first came here. It was natural to be attracted and wanting. But after I settled in, I laughed so hard at myself when I realised what ridiculous desire it is that I was letting myself fall into. Beautiful people have no business with wretches like me. So I made myself grew over it too very soon.
Never wanted to have a lot of money too. Don't have any things that I wish to buy or places I wish to visit. What would I do with money. I was happy with enough to afford me a roof and food.
Only thing I ever wanted was to be left alone in peace. I never harmed any human being. I just wished to be left in my lonely but kind of happy world. Now I think maybe that was too much to ask.
I have made my parents see more than enough shit already because of my "disturbed mind", as they say. I do not wish to break this news to them. I know I can get a new job in sometime. I am pretty good at what I do. But I do not want one anymore. Why will I want it. It wasn't the salary that kept me to my office, it was the feeling of building what I was building. It was the little moments of pride and achievement I shared with myself. It was like I had finally found a reason to continue existing. It isn't there anymore all of a sudden.
Now that girl is blissfully and shamelessly going to enjoy her salary. Her salary, which comes from a product that literally has my sweat and sacrifices in it and none of hers. Ironical it is, that she was underperforming and going to be fired in the next two weeks. Now you tell me, what kind of company fires the female employee who alleged molestation. At least for 5-6 months she won't be moved from where she is I presume.
It's been 3 days since she had me accused. I am not able to sleep. Feel like banging my head on the wall as the thoughts won't stop. I am extremely frightened right now. I have a Dad who has survived through 3 heart attacks and is living purely on medicines and 2 strands. My mother also is a very frail and even worse, a pious lady. The thought that they wouldn't survive this situation if they got to know about what I've done is making me go crazy. I am frankly just waiting. Waiting for my pics to be distributed on facebook and whatsapp forwards, getting abusive calls from unknown numbers. Every vehicle noise is making me cringe in my bed. Everytime I feel this time it is going be some police guy who will knock on my doors, handcuff me take me to the police station for torture.
I can afford neither a lawyer nor a legal proceeding. I do not want to become a beggar and go around asking for money from indifferent relatives who would by default assume I am guilty. I am weak person. Both physically and mentally.
The worst part is the memories that have come back. I had formed some kind of mental block from the thoughts of my past life. That block seems to have lifted. I am the most miserable I ever was in my life. All the efforts, all the fight I put up with my own demon has been rendered useless. There is no way I'm going to survive this. I am not capable of it. I thought I was finally turning into the person who could have, but am just a weak, ugly and despicable person who thought he could fight it out on his own. Who thought he can create a life for himself when he can finally be rid of the mental fog and be just a little happy at least.
I can't continue anymore. I'll go insane very very soon I know. I have been on the brink and somehow managed to return from it once. Now it's all come back magnified x10. And I have no strength remaining. Burned out.
It's not like I can't. I can still slowly build a new comfortable delirious shell again. But frankly, I do not wish to anymore. I've had enough.
If anyone of you ever happen to meet her, do two things for me please:
- Ask her why ?
Did she want a revenge because I refused a relationship.
Or because she woke up the next day and felt like a slut and regretted and decided she can always crew me. She is a women after all. Women are goddesses in our country. No one would dare doubt her.
Or because she is a nutcase.
Or because she is a dumb-ass bitch who looked at all the "MeToo" "MeToo" on her Facebook feed and decided this looks cool. "IShouldToo" - just for the heck of it.
Or because she's got the brains and really understands the world. Did she see through me and discovered that this guy has no value. No one will even lift an eyebrow when he goes down. Why not just do it.
- Tell her I'll have my revenge. I will tell God everything and request him to turn her into what I was. Give her a depression of the worst kind. Let her forget what being happy feels like. Give her a life of never-ending sadness. And let her pull her hair out thinking why is always so gloomy. That would be a just punishment.
I am leaving for a place up north amongst the mountains that holds some very special memories for me in a few hours. Once there, I'll have my favourite chai and those insanely delicious Momos. And then, I'll end my worthless life.
#MeToo i guess
TL;DR : Gonna find out if there's a big guy up there in sky soon enough. Cheers
Posted by throwawaymolestor | 15 October 2018 |
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