Morning everyone. To summarize quickly and provide context. I noticed a decline in my marriage 2+ years ago and decided to go to therapy and work on myself. Bottom line, I was gaslighting and invalidating my wife(now ex) for a long time. I found out in January that she had been having an affair and building a relationship with another man. 8 months prior to me finding out we had decided to move ourselves and four children to another state(while she was actively involved with this guy unknown to me)

The divorced was finalized in April 50/50 custody of kids. But due to financial circumstances the children live with her(she was primary breadwinner since Covid and I had become a stay at home dad)

We are amicable with each other but I still hold a lot of resentment over the fact that we uprooted our lives and moved away from family and friends all while she was having an affair.

I see my kids everyday after work and generally stay until they go to bed, then head back to my apartment, go to work the next day and repeat the process all over again.

The divorce is hitting me a lot harder now than it did even a few weeks ago. I constantly get triggered walking into her house, see all our old stuff, kids talking about the new guy etc…not triggered as in throwing a tantrum but overwhelmed with resentment, anger, and sadness. I keep it under wraps pretty well and put on a stoic attitude the majority of the time.

But it is becoming unbearable. I feel that I need to distance myself from that place and her in order to heal. But at the same time my kids (10,8,6,3) need their father in their lives.

Do the kids have to suffer for awhile while I get my crap together and work on myself? What methods have worked for you to heal from the divorce while simultaneously giving your kids the best father possible?