My marriage has not been what it should have been. Married for 9.5 years now and are currently going through divorce.
It took me a long while to get us to this point, counseling, my own therapy but here we are. It's hard when there's a single kid (8y old) involved and still live together until she gets the keys to her own place.
In the mean time I've been thinking about what comes after this. My sex life has been shit for years. I can count the amount of times i've had sex with my wife over the last few years on one hand and I'm really insecure about this part tbh.
I've been going through hell with my wife during her pregnancy and the years after. She's been diagnosed with PMS (even perhaps PMDD) and that really cracked our relationship on my behalf. We discussed the issues afterwards but she was "just a victim" and I was supposed to be even more for her then I already was.
Now over the past few years, our marriage was already in a very deep rut (correct word? idk) and I've been in contact with someone else, relatively closeby as well as she's the mother of one of my daughters best' friends. Things escalated in june (no sex, just some touching, kissing) but the connection is still there and even though we have less contact over insta/whatsapp, this attraction from both sides still remains. She's in a relationship as well but this woman has me completely compelled.
Now that I'm going through a divorce, she's thinking "fuck me. you're going to be dating other women and I really dont like that". I don't want that either, neither am I emotionally capable of doing so.
But - I also know that she shouldn't leave her bf for me as neither did I leave my wife for her. It's just super complex but I can't see myself with someone else.
So. My life's a mess atm when it comes to women. I have no idea on how to move forward and at times my selfasteem just drops massively. The push-pull from that woman is intense, not fun at times, but when it's there, it's everything I need.
The divorce itself is going "okay". I'm going to have to pay a decent sum of alimony and child support. But luckily the alimony is only for 4.5 years max with a max of 20k. We're going to sell the house and from the profits I want to buy her out so I can move on and not be confronted with my ex-wife that often.
How did you deal with the dating part? I mean, it's obviously hard to assume that before your marriage ended you (or your spouse) didnt find what you need somewhere else. I'm aware the grass is probably not greener, but different. In the meantime my grass was pretty barren so it can only get better.
My sex life sucks but I'm not the guy who goes on onenight stands, let alone that I dont feel like women see me in that way. There's a lot of me to learn about sexuality for example and the frustration is immense. The chick I want has pretty much all to offer when it comes to that (from what she says at least) but I shouldn't focus on just her. How did you explore all what this world has to offer when it comes to that?
Sigh. My mind is going places and yes I know, cheating isn't the way but then again I currently am going through divorce and can do what I want...
