Hi all,

I am posting for a family member who does not use reddit. There are going to be multiple questions, so I’ll start with some background, then get specific.

He (D) is a divorced dad of two, aged 4 & 2. They have been separated for two years, divorced for 6mo. Split custody of the two kids, with mom (M) having slightly more time with them. Both he and mom have new relationships, and both new SO’s live with them and the kids. He teaches elementary school, and his partner (G) works at a car dealership. Both are emotionally stable with jobs on a standard 8-5 work schedule. They are both home with the kids whenever they are not at work. He is the one paying for health insurance, as she does not have any insurance.

She has three different jobs, one doing eyebrows, teaching ESL, and running daycare out of her home. She works 10 hour days every day of the week. Her boyfriend (B) has stated openly that he has no interest in having any relationship with the kids, and yet she constantly leaves them in his care. He is 10-12 yrs older than her and was previously living in a co-op, and the 4 year old had made multiple comments about how when the kids are playing in the basement B is upstairs watching TV, and is not checking on them. 4 year old is allergic to cats & rabbits and mom still has a bunch of them in the home. They regularly show up to Dad’s house covered in odd scratches and bruises that Mom has no explanation for. I’m talking weird here...the four year old once had scratches that looked like human nails all over his torso...she said that he was probably scratching in his sleep, something Dad said he’s never, ever seen him do, and they were apparently visible 5+ hours after the time he normally wakes up.

Mom had a history of physical abuse towards dad, going as extreme as threatening with knives, and pushing him down flights of stairs. She also has diagnosed mental health issues (will not disclose what they are other than “just depression and anxiety”...I have interacted with this woman. That is NOT what is going on). Mom had a psychiatrist tell her that she was unfit to parent as well.

Mom also regularly doesn’t properly care for the kids. They show up unbathed and smelling of cat urine. She recently refused to send the 4 y/o’s antibiótica with him, stating that she’d given him his two doses for the day already...meaning the dieses she gave him a second dise 4 hours early, and then he’ll be 4 hours late for the next dose. She didn’t take the kids into see a doctor when one was violently vomiting for more than a day straight. Didn’t take the kids to the doctor when the 2 y/o had a fever over 104, just texted dad about it both times. He was gone for a week once and came back to the 4 y/o having a horrible case of strep and a high fever that had gone somehow unnoticed.

Beyond these issues, there are also some financial issues. She has been demanding money for daycare costs for the daycare she runs out of her home...to the tune of $50/day. They settled w/o lawyers and there is no alimony or child support owed either direction, they just have to split all variable costs 50/50. Can this count as a variable cost?

He was giving her and additional $500/month for the first year and a half, before they were officially divorced, because he was under the impression that she only made about $30,000 a year. She had lied about her income; all the money she makes from the daycare is under the table income, and she won’t release documentation of what she was spending the money he has been giving her for “daycare,” so he can’t put it on his taxes. She’s doing this because if he claims it she’ll get in trouble for all the extra income.

So, the questions are:

Can she charge him for daycare that she is providing, and that is during her time?

Does he have a reasonable case to file for full custody?