How do I... do anything?

WartimeDad · 2021-10-04T00:54:28+00:00

First, I’m really sorry you’re going through this shit. It’s too bad she didn’t want to grow with you. But, so be it! You deserve better. It’s good you didn’t have kids with this shitty person which would complicate these matters.

Anyway I recommend working toward changing your vantage point here. A paradigm shift. You should do your best to see this as liberating. You’re free! Take grocery shopping for example, you can get whatever you want at the store, without judgement. That’s pretty sweet! You can hone in on what YOU like and not worry at all about anyone else. Steak? Yes please!

You are free to do whatever you want, whenever you want!

Also, you are somehow putting the failure of the marriage on yourself. You say “that I let die.” Fuck that. She ended it. Just because shit got hard doesn’t mean she should’ve gone off with some other dude. So, it’s just ridiculous of you to think you had anything to do with letting it die. Shift you’re thinking away from that and toward self care. Self care wise: Exercise is the most beneficial thing you can do. Hobbies. Meditation.

You should become very focused on yourself and bettering yourself. You should try to decrease the amount of time you are thinking about the marriage, what caused it to fail, and especially your ex. To sum it up: fuck her and her bull shit. Do not cling to your love of her. You say “I still love her.” No you don’t dude. You love the IDEA of her that is in your head. She herself is actually not a very good person. She doesn’t commit after promising you she would. Regardless, you have every right to grieve the loss of your marriage. Feel that. But what I’m trying to say is that soon enough your sail will catch wind, and you’ll be free, liberated, of not just her and her shit, but of a failing marriage. And you’ll look back and wonder why you were clinging to IDEAS.

Mediation is so key in helping you become aware of thoughts that are intruding into your headspace. Simply becoming aware when they come into your head is amazingly powerful in decreasing them.

I feel for ya man. It’s a brutal and massive loss. But you’ll come out stronger and happier than you’ve been in years. I promise.

Lift heavy weights.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-10-04T00:58:01+00:00

Make yourself your mental point of origin. Your mental point of origin should never waver from yourself, whether you’re single, monogamous, married, childless or a father. It's enlightened self-interest: I cannot help anyone until I help myself.

> everything in my life is now a reminder of the marriage I let die.

Stop the self deprecation. Marriage requires two committed spouses. Your wife gave up on the relationship, not you. Her hypergamy is not your failure -- it's a biological imperative. It's going to take you a while to unravel all of the gaslighting. Take the time to understand female behavior.

Title	How do I... do anything?
Author	Tacos_117
Upvotes	0
Comments	2
Date	October 4, 2021 12:36 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/q0ulhg/how_do_i_do_anything/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-do-anything.1077768 https://theredarchive.com/post/1077768

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