Hello all, so my ex wife and I had "the conversation" about 3 weeks ago, and I moved out 3 days ago.

We had been together for a little over 10 years, I was almost 30 by then. We saw each other graduate, we married, we moved to another country together, we survived the pandemic in a foreign country without family and just a few co workers. He have been poor, and *knock on wood* we pushed each other and that changed.
But I didn't really love her. I loved her, but along the way something just died.

Kissing her felt like nothing, I didn't feel any joy in being together. But I kept it to myself, and that was the downfall. For years I had felt like that, and thought that I could love our life together, even if I wasn't feeling happy with her. This was even before COVID.

So for years I kept going through the motions, we traveled together, but I even felt annoyed sometimes. I tried to make all sorts of things I thought where the things people in healthy relationships do (split chores, being supportive, love her family) but I felt I was pretending all the time.

Last year I started cheating. I hired escorts, once every few months. I didn't feel guilty at first, but the last time was like "yeah, she doesn't deserve this". I didn't tell her this, as it would be adding insult to injury. I told her what I should've said years ago, that I loved her as a friend, but hadn't loved her as my partner in life.

She was shocked. I was and still am, profoundly sorry and ashamed - I didn't talk to her on time, and was too much of a coward to do it at any other point before. We separated amicably, but she did tell me that was deeply sad and deeply angry.

So that was it, I needed to get that off my chest.
It's very lonely now, and I feel like shit for treating her so unfairly, but I suppose things should get better at some point.