I hope you come across this post. You claimed that I never said sorry in the past, so I'm making it publicly clear how sorry I am about the last 6 months. I sincerely apologize to you with all that I have and am. You didn't deserve most of what I put us through. I was sick, mentally and physically to the point I destroyed everything we had. What I wanted from you was something you could not give me and I can see that for what it is now. I tell everyone how much I miss you and they remind me that I'm really missing the thought of what we could have been. I've cried everyday for my loss and am slowly healing from the devastation. You were my best friend but I couldn't see it because of my addiction. You didn't deserve what I did to destroy our marriage. I stare at your photo and still hear your voice inside my head, yelling out of pain. Hurt people, hurt people. It's impossible to imagine that I'll never see you again. 12 years gone forever, after so many good times, along with struggles we made it through. I'm sure you've seen everything I've done and are shocked. Well I gave up on living after I lost you. However, I am resilient and have decided that if I were to love myself as much as I love you, I can recover from it all. Today I'm healthy and strong after putting in the work on myself I should of long ago. And by the grace of God, my actions are being forgiven everywhere except with you. I pray that someday you can forgive me, too.

I still read your letter, and try to make sense of it all.

My only wish is for you to be happy and have all that you deserve just as I always did.

Goodbye, Bunny/Hoagie B