I met my future wife online (on a thematic Discord server). We started chatting, realized we liked each other, and that same evening she said she wanted me to come visit her (we lived in different cities, 1800 km apart). At that time, I was just finishing university and didn't have a steady income. I explained the situation to my parents, they understood and helped financially so I could go to her and spend some time together. She couldn't come to me because she came from a very poor family, so I went. We were both 22 at the time. She shared that she had already had boyfriends before me (five of them, but she said those relationships were only for sex, she understood that but stayed anyway; in the end, in all previous relationships, the partners left her; her longest before me was 4 years). When I asked about the reasons for the breakups, she said she didn't know and didn't understand. That's why she wanted only serious and stable relationships. I was initially only interested in that kind of relationship too.

When I arrived in her city, she seemed very distant to me. I understand — the moment of the first in-person meeting with someone you'd only communicated with online (we had also video called, so we had seen each other). But then she started being capricious and yelling at me. In the end, we went to a resort city where I wanted to walk around and see the sights, but she just wanted to sit in the hotel, watch TV, and eat whatever she wanted. At the time, I accepted it with understanding — from a poor family, her parents didn't care about her, her parents' relationship was shaky, her father worked something like shift work (28 days on, 2 days home), he worked for himself, but as my ex-wife said, he hardly sent money home. Her mother worked at school, and all her money went to supporting the family; she didn't spend on herself but wanted to. She also had a pretty serious chronic illness and was on medication every day. We discussed these things right away, and I saw no obstacles to the relationship.

When it was time to leave for my city, I asked her if we would continue developing our relationship. She stood there frozen and silent. She asked quite logical questions about how we would do it long-distance. I told her that in six months I would have a stable job with good pay — this wasn't speculation; the selection process was just long, but I had already passed it at that point. She said she wanted to develop our relationship and was ready to wait.

When I got home, I was a bit confused because these were my first serious relationship. I was worried about myself — what if I can't handle it, what if she's just using me to escape her situation? It got to her, and she decided to break up with me. At that moment, my parents decided to give US a gift and buy her tickets to my city for New Year's so she could meet them and we could spend the holidays together. She said there was no point in coming, that everything was over, and why should she meet my parents. I convinced her to at least come and relax. She came, and in the end she really liked it. I introduced her to my parents, and they really liked her. My mom saw a neglected child in her and accepted her like an older daughter (I have a younger sister). While we spent time together over the New Year's holidays, my parents noticed how good we were together and told her: if you want to be together, move to our city — we'll pay for the move, find you a job here, give you love, warmth, and care. She agreed.

I was very very happy — my parents were helping my happiness. For the first month, we lived with my parents (the apartment size allowed us to live without bothering each other). I had already gotten the job and a stable good income, we rented our own place, and by then we had been living together for 5 months — we didn't deny ourselves anything. Here, in my opinion, the first red flags appeared that I didn't understand. She said she didn't want to work. I clarified "work at school?" because she really didn't like working with children and couldn't build contacts with people (and didn't want to, as she added). She said "no, I don't want to work at all, I want to just stay home, do nothing, even around the house". At first I didn't understand, thought she was joking, but no, she was serious. I tried to talk to her somehow — we're young, our path is just beginning, we both need to make efforts to live better — but she said she didn't want to try and do anything. I accepted it; my money was enough for both of us, but still, in my head it didn't fit how a person doesn't want something better. I was a bit shocked but tried to put myself in her shoes again — when she was alone in her city, she worked (her mother didn't work) and did everything around the house too. I understood that. Summer vacation started, she was on leave and told me "I want to go to my friend in my city for 2 months, work as a camp counselor in a children's camp". My mind was blown — we had just started living together, she doesn't want to work, especially with children, and now suddenly 2 months as a counselor. I tried to explain what camp counselor work means (I have friends and acquaintances who described this hell), it didn't faze her. Then I raised the issue of leaving for 2 months — like, how is that? I said I'd go with her — no, she wanted to go alone. I stopped understanding completely. She was quite weak-willed, and thoughts about something else started visiting me — lots of young guys there, summer after all. I told her I didn't want to sit biting my elbows thinking what was happening there. In general, I forbade her to go there, we argued, I was more in shock that such a situation happened and turned into a conflict. Before that, about 2 months before her vacation, I got the job and colleagues with whom we passed the selection suggested celebrating, going somewhere. I agreed, told her we'd celebrate with the guys (the group was older for me, guys from 20 to 44, with wives and children). She said she'd go with me. Then I didn't quite understand — she doesn't know anyone, no one knows her there. We decided to gather as colleagues because we understood we'd work together further. I tried to explain to her that "you don't quite fit in here". She didn't understand why. I explained that the guys, many already fathers, don't bring their wives and children, younger guys don't bring their girlfriends, because everyone understands we need to gather just as a group. "But I'll be with you, I won't be extra". Then I started seeing some wall between us. I suggested we go just the two of us later, but for the "graduation" I'd go alone — no, she needed to be taken everywhere (it's not even about her being from a small village; in the time we lived together, I showed her and we visited quite a few places). I didn't go to that event, lied that I had things to do.

Back to the end of summer and her vacation — she had to go back to the job she didn't want. I understood her very much in that regard — she couldn't and didn't want to make friendly relationships. She was alone there and it was hard for her. A job came up with the same salary, but only 8 hours a week and 2 days — ideal conditions for her, lots of free time, her own money — she didn't like it, wanted to earn as much as me but didn't want to do anything for it. I offered help, offered to teach or find a side job — "I don't want to". Eight months after the wedding, I come home and she says she wants to talk. I understand it's the end. She made the decision and doesn't want to discuss anything — wants a divorce. I was in shock, thought there was cheating — no, there was no one else. We knew about all connections, didn't hide anything from each other. She said she wants to live alone, doesn't want any obligations, any shared problems, to worry about someone or depend on someone. She said I'm a very good husband and person, too good for her, our marriage is also good, we have housing, both work, no alcoholics, no gamblers, no one uses prohibited substances. I'm her support and pillar, and that's the problem — I have ambitions and she can't keep up with them (I never told her "find a job and bring millions home", I helped find her a job where she'd be comfortable). She said she's just comfortable with me, that love, affection, care, and support aren't what she needs — she wants to party, not listen to anyone, do what she wants. I was emotional, never restricted her in anything, she got absolutely everything she wanted. I was furious but told her "if you love, let go" and asked where she'd go — we won't live together. I said I'd pay the divorce fee for both, buy tickets to her city where her mother was (her mother had separated from her father by then and lived in the city, started working), help with the move. She burst into tears: "You're my only dear person, what will I do?" — I was in shock again: she decided on divorce without me, and now I have to think where she'll go. Emotionally, I asked her to think it over again, why destroy everything, but told her "you betrayed me, my world that I built for us two, which you yourself asked for — this was the main condition why we started dating — my world collapsed, it won't be the same anymore". A week later she changed her mind, but from then on I asked her for divorce almost every month. We argued, I mostly stayed silent, she asked why I cooled toward her — I stayed silent because I always told her I need only involvement in the relationship and reciprocity — support, affection, love. She said she loved me, but I understood that the person doesn't account for their actions and will say anything to keep their comfort zone. That's how we lived for another 2 years — she didn't change at all, it was like living with a 16-year-old child: caprices, childish wants and reasons for arguments. I was the only one investing in our marriage, and I burned out.

And a month ago I suggested divorce to her. She said she also wanted to suggest divorce to me. I was very surprised, heard the same reasons as 2 years ago. I wasn't surprised by that — I was more surprised that she would really live alone (we found her another job with slightly more pay, but far from enough for living alone). I started suspecting something, told her "I already understand it's the end, but can you at least be honest with me once — do you have someone?" "No, I don't have anyone, where did you get that from." She didn't let go of her phone and was constantly texting someone. I told her to give me her phone — she said it's none of my business, there's no one there. Naturally, my suspicions grew. I couldn't sleep normally. One night I woke up and saw her texting another man, with details of their meeting and intimacy. At that point, she had "known" him for a month. In the end, he paid for her apartment. Emotionally, I told her everything: "How can you be so ungrateful? Fine, head in the clouds, we could have parted normally at least, then do what you want — why does another man know more details about the divorce than I do?" — she just said "well, bye" and left.

Now I'm suffering from losing the role of husband, the role of pillar — it went to another person she knew for just a month at that point. Suffering from betrayal, from not being strict enough 2 years ago — I should have put her on the train and been done with it. I just couldn't kick a person out on the street. I was a backup airfield until a better option came along.

A month has passed since the divorce. Sometimes thoughts about her come up — unbearable thoughts — but then they disappear and I'm happy. Right after the divorce, I went to the gym and lost 10 kg. Started reading books, spending time as I want, but I'm still not recovered.

Give me advice on what to do next.

I've used AI to translate my text, sorry for some mistakes