Sorry if this posted twice. Totally new to Reddit and I didn’t see my post in the thread listing so I figured I would try again because I’m looking for some feedback

4am thoughts about up coming separation

Just need to talk to- get this out there finally and maybe someone can give me advice

I’ve been reading this group for quite some time but fist time This post is kind of all over the place and I apologize because I am looking for help but it’s - just a stream Of consciousness at 4 am I guess.

I am a 42m living with a 38f. Married for 9 years and have an 8 year old daughter. I’ve been unhappy for a long time but I never did anything about it. It has really taken its toll on my mental and physical well being. 60 lbs overweight. Stress. Just generally unhappy. My parents don’t have a great relationship so I guess I figured it’s just what you do.

I don’t really have a a desire to be intimate. My wife has a much higher need for sex than I do. I’ve checked my testosterone so It’s not that. It’s just that it’s not one of my priorities when it is hers. So that mismatch plays into our relationship. I also have low emotional intelligence. I’m working on both those things in individual therapy. We start couples therapy this week. I know that a split would be for the better. I have about $250k in a retirement account I plan on using to move out into an apartment 13 minutes down the road. Living here under the same roof as someone who doenst want to be with you is terrible. My wife doesn’t work. She homeschools our daughter (for now) so I’m the sole provider. I plan on continuing to pay the mortgage and their living expenses. I need to do it for my daughter. My wife does plan on gojng back to work and sending my daughter to a private school she went to during covid. Sort of like a Montessori school. I know some of my plan goes against what Redditers say (don’t move out, etc etc) but I need to do what’s right for my sanity and keeping my daughter in the house she knows with my wife is more important.

I know my wife has been on apps and meeting one specific person. It’s really unfair that she did that to me - I’m still Here ! But for some reason I don’t care and still want to work on it. I think I’m just scared maybe.

I don’t know why but I can’t seem to edit this easily on the phone. I wanted to include this more at the top of the post but it’s important to know last May I had texted a friend about how miserable I was. Said some real nasty things about my wife. About her problem. About how she has nothing else. Just kinda venting because she was really nasty to me and I needed an outlet (I didn’t know how to communicate to my wife at the time). She and my daughter needed to borrow my phone and they could see I was nervous. I was hoping they didn’t see a text I guess. My wife demanded to see my phone.i kept it from her. Evensultly I let her see it but not before deleting some messages. She read the nasty things I said and my friend said back. That was the turning point I think. She said she cried the next day in front of my daughter. Not that I said the nasty things but that i didn’t respect her and would delete the texts. Either way I know I’ve been unhappy for long time. I was trying to stay for my daughter but I gusss that’s wrong. Just concentrate on seeing her as much as I can. It’s funny that my first priority but my wife is already meeting people. I should add she had an emotional affair with an old college friend in the summer (after the texting incident).

I’m sorry this is all Over the place. I just needed to get it out. Also I find it really hard to edit these posts on the Phone. Not sure how you guys do it. If you read this this far, thank you.