So much to tell...

First off, the bulletin points:

  • Alabama
  • 4 kids
  • Not Filed
  • No Representation
  • No Restraining Orders

I met my wife in 2005. I had just gotten back from a 2 year stay abroad working for my church. We met and started a relationship. I threw away my moral principals and we engaged in premarital sex. After a while she went to college in another state. I wanted to follow her there but didn't have the means. I visited on occasion and sometimes she came back "Home" and we'd visit and continue our relations. Needless to say, sex = babies. She got pregnant and felt that she had to quit college. This made her feel like a complete failure. Her father, though fairly reasonable, demanded that she and I marry else he'd remove her from his insurance and she'd have to figure out how to pay for the hospital bills alone.

Unbeknownst to each other, he threatened us both with this ultimatum. I knew I would eventually want to marry her, but I told her I didn't want to merry her unless she wanted to marry me. She states that due to the coercion of her father she accepted and decided to marry. We did so. The wedding was ok. she was smiling and beautiful. I had no idea she was putting on a show. She has said as much as "I married you only for financial security and have used you for money. I'm a whore, having sold my sex to you for security."

She was raised by a mother who is emotionally unstable. She is a hoarder, an emotional wreck who has near constant grief, and pretty much fits the song "Mother" by Pink Floyd.

Her Father put up with his wife's abuse and expected his children raised in a hoarder's home to put up with it, act like there's no problem in public, and not go for help. My wife was punished if she talked about or sought help, so there's a background of abuse.

As for myself, I had a pedophile for a father who nearly killed me and my brother in a field with a rifle execution style. I've been raped twice (by women thankfully) and generally abused till I was about 10, when my mom finally got full custody. My step father is mentally ill and my mom has her own mental problems, so I've become accustomed to accommodating the needs of mentally ill people in my family. I fear that has led to me being accepting of the abuse my wife has given me.

During our marriage, she hasn't cheated on me as far as I know, and neither have I. However, there have been many periods of depression and abusive behavior such as extreme grief over the death of a former crush, long periods of abstinence with zero sexual interest from her (I got tired of initiating every time and waited to see how long it'd take for her to notice / initiate - I gave up after 9 months), I was once physically assaulted by her (repeated beating on my chest for about 2 minutes while I calmly informed her she was committing domestic assault), intentional physical separation and loss of sexual contact for another 8 month period or so "while she sorted herself out", a near divorce after she taped her wedding ring to my scriptures and left taking my kids to a hotel (according to her father) where I had no clue their whereabouts and or safety for days, and most recently although many of these have repeated over the past 11 years very berating comments such as "I took your name in Dishonor and wish to change it" "This marriage is about money and dependence, not love" "I wish I hadn't married you" "I am dead inside" "I want to annul the marriage" "I don't wear my rings because they are false" "I can't use your last name anymore" etcetera.

Now, after all this time and effort, she tells me she wants to have a divorce, but still cohabitate and that's supposed to somehow alleviate her problems and allow her to be at peace.

Am I being played?

My main concerns with that are moral and legal ones. I do not wish to go back to what I was when I fucked up to begin with - a guy willing to fuck his girlfriend. What protections am I giving up if she does decide to go cheating on me after agreeing to cohabitate after divorce? What does this teach my children?

She says she loves me. She says she still wants "us" but she seems completely unable to heal.

I've already told her the door is open. I'm not going to fight her if she wants to leave.

She said she'd stay married if I requested it, but will continue to struggle and not be able to function.

I'm not sure which is worse, keeping her in my home raising my kids as a wreck (though she doesn't take it out on them because she remembers what her mom did to her) or being an asshole and telling her she can have a divorce and GTFO as well.

I do not want the marriage to end, neither the relationship. I want her to heal and get better, but I'm not sure that's possible.

I've stood as best I can in the face of all this. I truly say I am an honorable man who wishes the best for his partner and the mother of his children. I am not sure I can allow her to live with me if she chooses divorce.

I've set up 6 counseling sessions hoping that some semblance of a path forward will appear, but I have little hope.

Please share your thoughts; I really need actual analysis.