Im a 42M and my ex is 42F. Almost 2 yrs ago i decided to leave my home where my wife and 4 children live, because we were havent to many fights with my wife. I still wanted to save my 15 years marriage at that moment. After many months, and so many discusion and more fights, we came together and we gave us a second chance. But it didnt last more than 3 months.
The reason im posting this is to know if any1 had a similar experience on breaking up two times with his ex. The "first" break up wasnt so bad, because i took that pain and hurt into somenthing good. I tried to wokout more, eat well, adopt healthier habits, and many other stuff that making me a better me. I even got a new job, a better one. Everyhing was going so good in my life and i felt so good, that i wanna tried again with her. So i fought to start again with her. Wasnt succeed.

She was still hurt about the first breakout, eventhough she said she wanted to tried again. This "relation" lasted less than 3 month, and ended 2 month ago. Now Im feeling worse than I felt at the first breakup. And it makes me self destructive. I tried to start the good habits i had, but it is so hard to mantain.

Why is this second breakup more painfull and harder to overcome than the first one?