Long story short, my husband (30M) and I (40F) separated about 2.5 months ago. We had some problems and went through a horrible time with multiple failed rounds of IVF, I started drinking too much, wasn’t participating in things he enjoyed etc. He was my best friend and my family, and I felt blindsided and shellshocked when he came home, said he wanted a divorce and abruptly moved out.

He wasn’t cheating and neither was I. We had a great friendship and an awesome sex life. Since he moved out, he started seeing what was out there on Tinder (got a treatable STD because of it, so beware!) and has started therapy for the first time ever. I stopped drinking, got back into the outdoor activities we both love, and have approached all this pretty calmly. We’re both working out more and, from a surface level, trying to take a healthy-ish approach to all this.

We were together 6 years and married 2.5. Since he moved out, we communicate pretty frequently, are still emotionally supportive, see each other sporadically and were sleeping together up until he got Chlamydia two weeks ago and I stopped having (consistent) interest in having sex with him.

I’m not dating anyone or even trying to because I’m not ready at all. He tells me everything - sometimes I wonder why he is - so I know about the reckless and out of character decisions he’s been making, especially in the beginning of all this. Not judging, just giving info because this has all made my head spin.

Some days I really don’t recognize this person at all, but I still love him and there’s a not-small part of me that wants to save our marriage. I’m worried about him. I think this is part of a depressive quarter-life crisis but I also don’t mean for that to trivialize any of this because I’m taking him seriously when he expresses what was wrong and why he was unhappy. He’s seen the steps I’ve been taking to change and grow into a healthier person and partner and has told me it’s thrown him for a loop since he didn’t expect me to do any of this. Whether we get back together or not, I’m ultimately doing this for myself, but I do have hope that he’ll see this and maybe come around. Neither of us are ready to file for divorce yet and we’re just kind of in a holding pattern.

Would seeing your wife make positive changes have made you change your mind about divorce? How could she have done things differently? Were there points during your separation that you doubted it, and could she have done anything to make you more confident the marriage was worth fighting for?

Would love a man’s perspective on this. Thanks in advance.