What's Your Better?

So we are goin on 8 months and haven't seen my kids... What a mess and shame it is... I read all these posts, it get easier and better.... What's your better???? Isn't mine, when you pull up next to your old family (all 3 kids and the STBX) at a stop light and all you can do is wave, wait for the green light and drive off to keep your freedom intact.. No calls on B-Day's, No call on Christmas, Holidays, ya know nothing.... All communications halted when you call her out for her actions, when lies don't work anymore, do the next best thing, TAKE THE KIDS... That she did.... Son and two daughters everyday, Son with me everyday doing Concrete....Lies dry up, she runs to the court, emergency action she gets... When your going through the divorce and she is claiming abused victim, Brace up, and please keep your hands and feet inside the moving vehicle, cause everything you love, gone fast......

So during this time I have made steps for a future, a future I can't seem to envision at all cause I don't know how I am gonna deal the next day..... But I used all that free time and started 2 companies.... Concrete, and a Automobile Mechanic..... I sleep and wake when I want, I choose my hours... I'm doing what gets me out of bed and I enjoy... Building a motor that rips and grips, there is satisfaction in that!!!! But in aspects, It's not enough......

People say you will find that one....... I don't believe that, I believe you find a distraction.... I never believed in divorce, and I still don't... With everything that I have been dealt from her ( trust me I wasn't perfect, but I was committed) I still sit here, break down, I have days I can't even/ don't want to get out of bed..... I miss her... I quit all social media, just because I don't wanna see her life now.... Yeah I know part of it, It kills me, I don't wanna know the rest.....Our (ex) anniversary was the 18th, My body was in a 36 hour sleep session.... I guess my concious didnt want me to live the day....

I've been told, OKCupid, POF, Blah Blah Blah.... Why would I wanna confuse myself more when I still can't shake the now???? I don't need a distraction......

When that love just won't die inside of you regardless of anything.. Despite of every way to kill it, it lingers and scratches your mind constenly....I guess when you love some one unconditionally, it really means forever and unconditionally.....

Like I ask, "What's your better?"