I'm probably gonna Sound pathetic - I am aware.

2 years ago my world started crumbling. I felt terrible all the time and had terrible thoughts. I locked myself in and cried my days away in my bed. Nobody in my family understood (I was just 16). It wasn't until recently I was diagnosed with OCD and moderate depression. I made it easier for me to understand all my feelings, but still as hard. So here comes the relevance of this sub.

Amidst my struggles with my obsessions (OCD is quite complex but basically it gives you obsessions that results in anxiety. these obsessions sometimes leads to compulsions to get rid of said anxiety.). A few months ago I discovered the subreddits: incels and the redpill. These subs quickly became my new obsession. I could relate with the loneliness and the reject of girls, and I couldn't stop reading the post posted in there. I never participated or agreed on the hate for women, but I did fall in the pit of "feeling ugly". I read about the 'objective beauty', and I quickly noticed my flaws.

Being in a kind of bad place as I am currently, I couldn't let go of these thought. I had panic attacks about being ugly and deformed (dysmorphia. Kind of. The symptoms are similar to those of OCD in some ways). I was daily taking pictures of myself from all angles. I was obsessed with how I look and my flaw. I couldn't let go and I was so upset. And all these feelings of being so ugly and unworthy made me relate with these guys even more. I knew it wasn't healthy, but it made me feel.... not alone?

I don't believe I am an incel and I never practiced trp. Still, these places ruined my perception of a lot of things, and i'm glad to be here. I don't have women nor do I support these groups I described. Thanks for having me and I'm glad whoever'a reading this found this place too.