I am nothing. I am nothing without earning someone else's approval to provide my self value. I am WRONG . . . But even that acknowledgement does nothing to change the reality of the truth that I am nothing without earning my momentary self value and worth from someone else's approval.

I earned my freedom. I took my life back. I recognize the redpill relationship I was trapped in for exactly the manuplitive controlling degrading brainwashing powertrip that it was. While I can revel in my freedom, logic has NEVER been a sufficient method of overcoming the redpill brainwashing and guilt tactics that have been a constant reality for almost half my life ... no decisive choices, no amount of work, no research/reading/understanding the why of it, and not even the strongest logic that makes me feel stupid for not seeing the manuplitive brainwashing tactics for what they were can override the simple basic reality of the truth (in my mind) that I am not worth it and not good enough... in any situation.

I have earned my freedom. I deserve my freedom. I recognize I need to work to rebuild my confidence and self worth ... And I am still twisted up in the worthless chains he left wrapped through my psyche. I have no idea where to start. No amount of effort on my part have made any difference other than to leave me carrying a building resentment that is becoming burning anger at the fact that I am left to scrape up the shambles of my life from around my feet, and feel that I don't even deserve basic decency from others.

I don't know what to do when pure grit and determination are not enough to change this.