I (F) had a friend who felt entitled to having sex with me and harassed me for a long time. He frequently mentioned redpill, while he said he didn't necessarily agree with them, the number of times he brought it up told me he likely bought into some of their ideologies.

I just need to someone to talk to about why the redpill made me so uncomfortable and negative. Here are some things that he said:

  • He has liked me for a very long time and never was "rewarded" (because I wasn't interested in him), so this justifies his harassment and it'll all end if I just give him a chance.
    • This is so toxic. I never asked to be liked and it's not a favor I need to return. This makes it sound like a man showing interest to a girl NEEDS it to lead to sex. Why can't some men just accept a rejection and move on? It seems like redpill is an overcompensation for the lack of self-esteem, they need to be inherently superior to feel better about potentially being rejected.
  • When I told him to please not talk about wanting to have sex with me, he said males are inherently wired to be nicer after sex, so I must understand until I have sex with him.
    • This is also very problematic. It's giving men free passes to do whatever because they're "biologically wired to be horny". Just because I'm biologically wired to be hungry, I don't go around eating everyone's food! A level of self-control and restraint is necessary if you want to be a good, respectful human being, regardless of your gender.
    • Don't get me wrong, I can be very kinky. I love it when I am submissive in bed, I also love it when I'm dominant in bed! But a dynamic inside and outside the bedroom must be separated and well-communicated. Even inside the bedroom, there must be prior communication about what each other likes and boundaries must be respected.

Let's also talk about something a random redditor said to me because I have an ambitious career and want a partner who I can share my finances with but have an equal say in important household decisions.

"You sound exactly like the career woman that'll spend her life chasing her career and looking down onto men who earn like her or less than her, while having a promiscuous life, and then close to her thirties start screaming "where are all the good men", and either end up with a bunch of cats, or find a simp to marry who you'll despise, divorce in court, and destroy his life, and remain alone again. Don't chase equality or challenge your partner, because once you do, you may achieve it (in your mind), but you'll lose your respect to him and end up divorced... And always look up to the man you're marrying, even if he's a garbage man. Society's standards shouldn't dictate what makes you respect your man."

  • PHEW where to even begin with this! First, why is it assumed I will cheat? And no, I don't need to respect a garbage man. I won't respect anyone who's garbage, whether it be a woman or a man! I also don't make it a life goal to find a man. I want to do good for the world, be a great family member, and a great friend. A husband will be very nice as a comrade and a best friend. But my self-worth isn't defined by whether I have a husband or not. My legacy will not just be what kind of wife I was, but how I touched other people's lives, was a supportive family, what kind of mentor I was, etc. It sounds like he's insecure about him not having a career and want some way for him to be respected.

That being said, I want to send my love to everyone on exredpill. It takes a lot of strength and courage to get out of such a toxic mindset. Your value doesn't come from whether an opposite gender is attracted to you. Your value comes from whether you're living a life that you can look back on and say that you've lived it well. Be kind, find work and hobbies that make you excited and happy, and love yourself and others. And once you are happy, you will be able to find someone who likes your happiness and wants to augment each others' quality of life.

Hell, even I, a grown-ass woman who I thought was well past such BS, was convinced for a bit while reading redpill posts. The amount of manipulation, generalizations, and stereotyping there is a lot to handle! There are all these rules about how men should act and how women should act, but it doesn't give any agency to both men and women to communicate their unique relationship issues and make a relationship work with their unique personalities and values. I don't have anything against women who want to be a housewife and live a submissive lifestyle -- everyone should have a choice in their lifestyle. But what I couldn't handle was the amount of judgment and hate on people that decide on different lifestyles.