I'm relatively new to the community, but luckily have had women who preached the principles of FDS to me in my life for many years now. I've learned a lot and wanted to share my celebrations of 2019 and my convictions for 2020.

First, I'm turning 28 in a couple weeks and as I don't want children, there is literally no rush for me to "find a man" despite what men would like me to believe. I am the love of my own life, and I will spend the rest of my life celebrating myself as such. I'm petite, curvy, have a nice face and a graduate degree, am athletic (I'm an avid outdoorswoman), extroverted and the life of every party. I will believe my friends and family when they tell me I am great and deserve better. I am proud of where I come from, how far I've come, and the woman I have become.

So without further ado, my celebrations of 2019:

  • I have an amazing, supportive, beautiful group of women in my life who inspire, teach me, and bring so much richness and joy to my life. I am so grateful for my feminist awakening ten years ago that taught me how there is no shortage of dick in the world and no reason to compete with other women.
  • I dumped a dude this month who disrespected me immediately. I never would have done this ten years ago. There were small warning signs I ignored, but I'm proud to say that when he did not treat me with the caring and respect I deserved, I told him things were over immediately, over text.
  • My best friend and I made plans to move back in together this summer. We met in graduate school when she invited me to replace her then roommate and she has become the love of my life, despite that both of us are straight. We plan to split household chores and dog care and have the kind of partnership that couples benefit from, while still having the freedom to date men.

Next, my convictions for 2020.

  • I will take care of myself in the way I deserve. I will wear makeup because it makes me happy and I will celebrate my beauty. I will exercise because it makes me happy, and I will make time for myself monthly to get out into the woods.
  • I will ask for a promotion at work and will ask to be recognized for my contributions. I am good at my job, have original ideas, and will not be afraid to voice them. I will continue to give my all to my work.
  • I plan to start dating again after my birthday, and will likely use OLD, given that I just don't meet many men in my day to day. For that, these will be my rules:
    • Never tell a man about how men have hurt me in the past. They do not deserve to bear witness to how men have hurt me. I never want to be seen as prey or anything less than the fierce, resilient warrior queen I am.
    • I will only go on dates that I actually want to go on, and do things I actually want to do. I want dinner dates, fun activities, trips to museums, and live music. I am not interested in just grabbing drinks. That's what I do with my friends.
    • I will never sleep with a man for the first time under the influence of alcohol. I will not sleep with a man unless he has proven himself worthy through his actions.
    • I will never date a project ever again. I will no longer date men who do not have their shit together as much as I do. This means I will only go on dates with men who (1) have a degree, (2) have a career, and (3) have hobbies, interests, and passions. Plus, I only want to date men who are excited by my passions. If you don't want to climb a mountain with everything you need on your back to sleep under the stars or listen to me talk about the brilliance of orcas, I'm not interested.
    • I will not accept men who do not prove that they see my worth. Yes, I am high maintenance. I require a lot of attention and ask for what I want. If he can't do that, boy bye. My ex-boyfriend was an MP in a foreign parliament; how dare some finance bro think he can do better than me or that I am not worth the investment?
    • I will not date any man who does not share my principles and seeks racial, gender, and socioeconomic equity. I will never date a man who is not willing to say he is a feminist. This has been true my whole life, but it's worth restating. I have committed my life to public service. I want a man who respects and celebrates that.
    • And finally, I will never again date a man who does not have the looks to match his personality. I'm tired of dating men whose minds and personalities I adore but who I don't find attractive. I'm done sleeping with men that I'm not thrilled to sleep with. And I'm tired with being bored by men in bed and accepting bad sex.
  • I will be more responsible with my money and I will no longer pay for more than an equitable share with men. Sure, I'll grab drinks and cook them dinner when I feel like it, but I'm not dating men who make less than I do and can't pull their own weight anymore. I spend a lot on skincare, makeup, and other things to maintain myself. Plus, I went through the pain of getting an IUD. He can pay for the lion's share of dates and DEFINITELY condoms.

So, to sum up, cheers to all of you queens here. Let's spend this last week of 2019 celebrating who we are, what we've learned, and reaffirm our convictions never to accept less than we deserve.