Sorry it’s going to be a long story. I (21) dated this guy (33) for 6 months. We met on Tinder and in the beginning he already said that he’s non-monogamous and into BDSM. Me being so naive and stupid didn’t know what BDSM stands for lol. The non-monogamous part, I asked him how many women he got involved so far. He said between 0-2 and left it to me to decide whether he has 0 woman or 1 or 2. So the 1st lady is his ex lover. She lives in the same house but in a separate room. They don’t have sex anymore and their relationship is different. This lady has partners but my ex sponsors her to get a partner visa. He said their relationship is like siblings. The 2nd lady is just a friend, according to him, but they do kinky stuff together. So when he asked me to be exclusive, I said that this is not the relationship that I want. I told him that I can’t share my bf and pretty much monogamous and I don’t know whether I like BDSM or not. I also told him that for now I can say that BDSM isn’t the thing that I’m comfortable doing. I’m still virgin btw and I let him know that I’m not ready to have sex yet and want to wait till I’m really sure that I want to do it. Long story short, he convinced me to become exclusive and showered me with kindness and love which blatantly made me blinded. So we became exclusive. But 3 months into the relationship I asked to breakup because I can’t stay in this type of relationship. He tried to convince me that his relationship with the 1st lady is like siblings and the 2nd one is just a friend. We didn’t breakup. Then later on fast forward into 5 months of our relationship, my ex wasn’t being honest to me. I found it out when I asked him about the 2nd lady and he said that this lady takes the same aerial class as my ex takes and they sometimes go for dinner together after class. I was upset but I remained calm. Then he continued telling me that their relationship is D/s which again surprised me. I asked him why he didn’t tell me the truth and his answer was “cause you’re my gf and we’re in a romantic relationship so you don’t have to know about it. She’s just a friend”. I was at his place at that time and I decided to go back to my apartment. He texted me and said sorry that he hasn’t communicated things clearly to me. I asked him what kind of kinky things they do together and he said he kicks, whips, punches her, uses her as a foot rest and many other stuff. I can’t talk when I read his text but cried. I know these are the red flags so I tell him that we need to take a break but he didn’t want to take a break and got angry to me. This made me sad and affected my mental health a lot. I cried a lot at home and in the office. I talked to my coworkers and they advised me to end things with this guy. I ghosted him for 2 weeks (basically I took a break without telling him) and I know this what I did wrong. At the end I broke up with him and go no contact straight away. He called, he texted but I didn’t respond. Then I realised that my ex never respects me when I say I’m not ready to have sex. He kept asking for it many times. He also asked me to go to the dungeon with him, befriend with his friends, try rope stuff and also participate in kinky camp whereas he knows I’m not comfortable with all of this stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean I don’t want to be friend with his friends. He’s into BDSM and being non-monogamous doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It’s just it’s not for me and I respect him a lot. We’ve broken up for 4 months so far and last months I got a message from a girl on Facebook which apparently is the 1st lady saying “no one should be taught that love is how much shit you can tolerate from someone!”. I didn’t respond to her message but it got me thinking “am I wrong breaking up with him? Am I the asshole not wanting to accept him for whoever he is?” Any comments and advices are welcome :)