LADIES! This is your sign to pls stop taking shit from any man. Just to give you an example, when I was 18-19 I was in a relationship with a man who would do the BARE minimum (and when I say bare minimum I mean BARE minimum- saying he wanted a long term relationship with me, saying he loves me, spending time with me- these are basic things) but expect me to be his version of what he deems as an acceptable and ‘chill’ girlfriend. I’m sorry that your definition of ‘chill’ and ‘laidback’ is someone who doesn’t call you out when you forget to turn up to dates on time (3-4 hours late!!) or tries to breakdown my cultural identity just to tell your friends that I’m not ‘that type of Indian’.

Unfortunately I thought that him saying that he loves me was enough and I was being a pick-me about it, doing everything to make sure I don’t loose whatever ‘love’ he had for me, continuing to make sure his friends liked me, his parents liked me, doing his bed, laundry, cleaning his house etc- his room would be so disgusting, with clothes strewn everywhere, food on the floor and dirty sheets, with the room covered in dust. I had horrible asthma and dust allergies so I couldn’t physically be in his room and I would ask him everyday if he could clean it but he would blame it on him being depressed and loneliness. I understand that could be a factor of depression but then he would always show up on time when we had to go out drinking with my highschool ex (who he ended up idealizing because he was everything he wanted to be- ALSO TRASH) and would clean his room if any of his family was coming over.

He would drink till he passed out on most days and on my birthday I asked him if he could not drink a lot as it was making me extremely upset, but he continued to drink and act like I was being unnecessarily annoying about it and as though I was a prude for asking him to not ruin my birthday, while being late to my birthday dinner. 3 hours late.

I’m a uni student and he would constantly talk shit about my degree (while he ‘forgot’ to tell me that he was kicked out from school for selling drugs to 10th graders) and telling me how it didn’t align with what he thought was interesting. It’s not like I was constantly rubbing my degree in his face, I was just trying to study and do my part to be present in uni.

It was exhausting, frustrating and one of the worst relationships I’ve ever been in. We aren’t together anymore but it shows me how much I was willing to put up with on the expense of my mental and physical health. None of us need to do this. There is no need to have a man in our life who treats us like absolute crap.

I’ve seen this pattern in the lives of so many girls in uni, where we come in expecting that even the bare minimum of a guy saying he loves us or wanting to be in a relationship with us in enough. Apparently It’s okay to compromise?

I disagree and that’s exactly why I love this page. Why do we need to compromise when these men are out here giving us nothing but stress and frustration when we are supposed to be living beautiful and fruitful lives where we can define our own version of success? It was a short 4 months but I’ve been able to recognize how I don’t need to stay in such relationships just to crave the love of men who use your time to not build but destroy you. I hope my experience will help you guys in recognizing and seeing how men can be shit and how we can stop letting men like this continue to stay in our lives.