Crosspost "My (27m) ex (27f) is getting married and I feel so ashamed." from /r/relationship_advice:

So just out of college, I met a wonderful girl as I was searching for my first job. We had an amazing whirlwind relationship, and we connected on a level that I have only reached with one other person.

Then, I found a job across the country and had to take it (I was rather desperate and the opportunity was amazing). We tried the long distance thing for a while, but she eventually broke it off after a few months - she knew it wasn’t sustainable, and I know this to have been the right decision.

Four years later, and I’ve thought about her almost every day. I’ve never really gotten over her. I’ve made some type of temple in my head to a girl whom I loved profoundly...but only dated for five months. We had no fights, only good times, there was nothing bad about the relationship to reflect upon and to think about like “well we were incompatible in this area”.

She might very well be a completely different person now. The way I remember her is probably some warped version of who she really is, seen through the tint of rose colored glasses. I am totally convinced of these things in my head, but I cannot get my heart to let go at all.

I’m 27 now and have been dating a great girl for 2 years. We’re planning a life together and she had great qualities that my ex didn’t have, but there are many things that my ex had which feel so absent now.

I feel so ashamed because I’m carrying on this shadow relationship with the idea of someone who no longer knows I exist. I don’t stalk her at all, i purposefully avoid any news of her. Through a friend, I found out she’s getting married soon, and it feels like some type of gut wrenching sucker punch and a betrayal.

I know, this is ridiculous.

The worst part is, I don’t know if the things that I feel are “missing” from my current gf are truly dealbreakers for a life partner, or not. It’s like I can’t appreciate her as a person because I hold the qualities of my ex in such high esteem. For what it’s worth, my ex and I had a much stronger physical chemistry as well.

I feel like an ass about all of this. I can’t even talk to my current gf, who is one of my best friends, for fear of exposing this monstrous betrayal of her.

Posted by ThrowLikeWoah | 30 September 2019 | Link