Hey ladies,

So I figured out *why* stuff like The Rules and FDS works. And I want to explain it for the new ladies or for anyone who needs a reminder.

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the reason they work it's because it's a rigid set of boundaries that allows you to filter guys. All the guys in the world, put them through a funnel. regardless of what you look like, in my personal experience as an attractive young woman, dicks are coming from all directions and a lot of them will lie or manipulate. not all of them. Actually there are quite a few great guys out there in the world. But a lot of LVM can *appear* so great in the beginning.... Consistent behavior until month 2-3 rolls around. My worst ex only lasted two months until he started *being sooo busy and stressed with work*. here's the thing, somebody who actually is busy or maybe just not that interested and has integrity will just dump you.

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you know it's a low-value man when he's telling you one thing and doing another whether that means saying he's busy and then sniffing around your phone or your door, or he's saying he's available but he seems distant af.

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So not only does the rules weed these guys out (if you haven't read the books all the rules and not your mother's rules, I strongly recommend the audiobook so you can listen over and over and their voices make it seem not so intense, it's more like a phone call with girlfriend) (FDS is pretty much identical to the rules, I would even go so far as to say FDS is somewhat of a rules support group even if you've NEVER read the book),

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But the rules / fds also accomplishes a just as important goal: allowing you to only date guys who are really into you. That's it, that's the entire point. Finding someone who's really into you. Do you cringe when you read that? Why? Do you believe it's selfish to get what you give? I'm not talkin about giving where you give with strings attached, I'm saying that each and every single one of us has been in relationships where we were just crazy about the person, or at least we felt that way, and we were doing nice things for him out of the love in our hearts such as being consistent, being loyal, being caring and loving, being attentive and generous.

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So this rigid set of boundaries isn't so much about man-hating games, it's about finding some order in the chaos so that you can discern which guys are really really crazy about you because the guys who are going to be really crazy about you are the guys who are going to treat you with respect, consideration and care. if you've never had that before, at least try to experience it just once because once you experience it once you can never have less. For me, it came in the form of a guy I dated for about 3 months. he was the most recent guy I dated actually, and I knew from the first date it wasn't going to work out and I kept telling him this. he was relentlessly persistent and he was well aware of how I felt, but beside the point after a few months I actually did feel love for him and I realized that the feeling between us was unlike anything I ever felt with my other exes who I was with for over a year each. It was such a cozy feeling, it felt so cozy and safe... Like absolutely I was adored and cared for, but not in a spoiled type of way, but in a truly authentic wow this guy really cares about me way.

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And I'm excited to find someone who I'm crazy about and he's crazy about me but most of all there's a huge amount of true desire to be with me combined with respect and adoration. I'm not asking for narcissistic adoration, I know I have flaws and I'm not perfect. I'm just talkin about the type of adoration you give your dog, like you care deeply about your dog and you love your dog and you love being around him and want the best for him and treat him right.

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so that's the entire point, a guy who's not crazy about you definitely won't pick up the tab, he won't ask you out, he won't text you first, or even if he does he won't do so consistently or long-term consistently, he wont marry you, might not even agree to be your boyfriend, definitely doesn't get you romantic things as gifts whether it's a flower or a poem or jewelry. so having extremely rigid boundaries and rules is exactly what allows you to find the guy who's crazy about you and wants to be with you badly because then you can allow yourself to fall in love and be respected and cherished and that's a really good feeling.