I've been with my boyfriend for three years. He is the ideal man in so many ways. He is loving, affectionate, kind, compassionate, supportive, loves animals, cooks for me every single time we are together, he makes me cute little gifts and buys me thoughtful birthday and Christmas presents, he drives 2 hours to see me every weekend as we don't live in the same city, he's a giver rather than a taker in bed, he has an adorable smile and such a kind and pure heart. I love him but for the past month or two I've just had this nagging doubt about our relationship. I guess it doesn't help that we haven't been able to see eachother because of lockdown.

Anyway, I've just been questioning lately whether I actually fancy this man. We don't often have sex. I used to be the one to initiate but I got tired of doing it so I've started to wait for him and he always says the mood doesn't feel right and he's not confident about initiating sex. But I don't even know if I feel sexual chemistry there anyway. After foreplay I do feel warmed up and I want sex with him but before that I don't think "Damn, I want to sleep with this man." Is that normal? I heard a lot of women have reactive sex drives, so maybe that's it?

We are in our late 20s and when we first met I looked at his pictures from 10 years ago. He was very good looking, had lovely blonde hair and a strong jaw. But now he has a receding hair line inherited from his Dad! He has gained weight since those years ago and he doesn't have that jaw line anymore. It sounds horrible but sometimes I look at pictures of him and wish I knew him then and got to experience him then. I do love him but I'm just questioning if I fancy him. But maybe fancying your partner isn't that important.

He seems like such a unicorn.. A rare man who even before I told him how unethical porn is, he considered it to be cheating in a relationship. How many men think that way? I'm lucky to have him. He's started working out recently as he has woken up and realised he's not been taking care of himself. He also hates his receding hairline and I try and tell him it doesn't matter and it doesn't bother me.

I've been watching this period drama called Reign lately, and I keep thinking how attractive the men are. Especially Torrance Coombs lol. When I see these men I can think of them in a sexual way and I wonder why I don't think of my boyfriend in this way. Maybe that's normal in a LTR, a hot celebrity is going to be more sexual to you than your boyfriend who you have seen snoring away in bed lol. But still, shouldn't I be excited to sleep with with my partner?

I can't imagine the alternative though. It seems every other man is porn sick and if I ever did get with another seemingly HVM, he could easily lie about porn use as many men do, at least when they're not protected by the anonymity of sites like this one! I have a toxic family who I still live with, I have mental health issues and hardly any friends.. I couldn't just leave my boyfriend for something as silly as not being sure I fancy him, especially as when we do have sex it is great, it just takes me time to warm up a bit! He is loving and kind and I know he'll never leave me and never cheat. His love is so pure so I don't understand this nagging doubt. His family are also to me what my family never was so I can see myself really mourning the end of this relationship if that ever did happen.

Maybe I need to lay off the romantic period dramas? The men in these shows are gorgeous and I'm no oil painting. I'm not really very attractive at all so it's not like I'd get a fanciable man anyway lol.