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DelicateDream Archive

View 6 posts and 573 comments by DelicateDream on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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15

It’s almost like it benefits them not to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 12:18 AM
1

💯 great post
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 06:46 AM
13

How do you want a man to show up on a date? In his sweats? FDS handbook doesn’t actually talk about women’s looks because there are more than enough beauty resources out there. What needs to be emphasized more is MEN’s LOOKS. It’s normal and fine to want to feel attractive and sexy and to make effort to look good. But you should also expect the man to make effort to look good for you. Almost no one rolls out of bed looking amazing. Everyone needs some polish - including MEN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 06:26 AM
18

They project so much... “If you have high standards then make sure you actually meet them yourself“ - say ugly men who feel justified going for much better looking women, who get mad when you note that men earn more money for the same work and that men are 5” taller on average. A woman’s socio-economic equal will make more money than her and her biological equal will typically be about 5” taller.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 07:44 PM
28

Yeah I thought the same. He wanted to see if she was onboard with his (likely) demeaning kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 01:50 AM
101

Yes, how dare women want to do work beyond housework and make their own money, making the work force more competitive... and forget women who didn’t have a man to support them. Not devaluing housework and child rearing, but not everyone finds that fulfilling. And in the past, unmarried women and divorced women had it tough because they couldn’t advance in their work and pay like men - but they were seen as sad exceptions to a system that otherwise “worked”, a system requiring women to be depende…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 01:17 AM
17

They deep down know women actually have real opportunities as opposed to imagined ones. Men tell themselves weird stories that don’t add up. They sometimes acknowledge women have far more opportunities but then other times act like they’re the restricted ones. What they hate to acknowledge is that it’s easier for women to live out the fantasies they hold about being single. The man in the OP doesn’t acknowledge that his partner is in the same experience - a LTR entered into when young, and that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:58 PM
57

And then there are the threads saying women need to ask men out directly because men can’t pick up on “hints”.... Meanwhile a woman accidentally blinks in a man’s direction and he thinks, “She wants me - maybe I should sabotage my long term relationship with my loyal partner?”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:42 PM
-1

Well, I know many HVM married to cool women I know. They’re wonderful husbands and fathers. Saying HVM are unicorns is what LVM want you to believe. They want you to think “you must settle or be alone”. Also, I make new female buddies easily. I’ve always found it easy to make girlfriends. If someone has trouble connecting with people then that’s a separate issue from vetting for romantic relationships, IMO. Again, LVM like to isolate women too by perpetuating misogynistic myths that we’re catty …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 09:14 PM
1

Same. Human touch is underrated. You can use vibrators and get massages, etc, but it’s not the same as actual sex. And in a good relationship, emotional intimacy adds to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 07:43 PM
1

I think this perspective is common but not necessarily true. It marginalizes women’s sexuality which is a whole different topic.... Sex is my main motivator for a romantic relationship with a man. Most of my female friends say the same. Why bother with Female DATING strategy if you don’t care about sex? Just stay single and cultivate friendships. Its easier to establish deep friendships with women. Way, way easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 07:40 PM
83

They fail to mention sex. That’s the actual drive for most people. And because it fosters bonding and has risks, most women want it with a partner that shows he values her and that she can trust.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:51 PM
6

Same here. I’ve been pickmeisha in other ways but never got caught up in mothering because I wasn’t put into that role as a kid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:16 PM
8

Bingo. Mother yourself. Nurture yourself. Commit to yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:15 PM
23

Men often think that we do stuff because it makes us feel good. We must like it or it’s “more important” to us. So then he leaves it to us to do from then on. Or because he doesn’t want to do it, he’ll try to manipulate you with praise “you’re so much better at it!”. Don’t fall for that. They may claim not to care - well, let them experience consequences from that, including losing you because you aren’t attracted to selfish, lazy slobs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:14 PM
8

Great post. Illustrates well how you have to vet heavily and alter your behavior to attract HVM. A LVM is not going to step it up if you decide to just give up. A HVM might get lazier if you take on a mother role though - so I’d be careful to not start babying him just because you’re now married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:07 PM
19

I think it’s because girls are raised to please people and be cooperative and consider feelings - aka sacrifice ourselves for the greater good. We’re shamed if we don’t. We’re also more likely to be shamed for not being domestic. We’re even told this is what we’re naturally good at. Hence women taking care of the daily drudgery while men get to explore, create, compete, etc (well, the top men... LVM just, er, relax). I disagree that women naturally do domestic things better, just as men aren’t n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 08:02 PM
22

I agree thoroughly but I think the inverse is true too because there’s another type of man who does this: The man says “I don’t want a relationship right now” and then proceeds to woo you and treat you like a girlfriend. He’s only seeing you, you’ve met his parents, you take vacations together, etc. But when longterm commitment is brought up, then he’ll remind you what he told you at the very beginning. And you can’t get mad, because hey, he was honest!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/11/20 06:41 PM
6

Yep and I’m not petite - thin but tallish and not with tiny hands. So yeah that was an extra turn off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 06:25 PM
62

Years ago I went on a date with a guy who went on about how his younger sister was so cute and petite and how he loved her little hands... 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 03:13 AM
16

Bravo! Nice way of handling it. I recently turned down a last minute date offer myself. When you find a man’s behavior leaves you feeling less than enthused, then it gets easier to simply decline. There’s no drama, no taking it personal as if it reflects your value, no desire to scold him, just a loss of interest in him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/20 03:11 AM
29

It’s unfortunately not always presented as “scrotes’ opinions”. What’s great about this community is how it exposes that certain ideas are very much scrotes’ opinions geared to benefit scrotes. Take the broke man thing.... this is presented as “romantic” - you must genuinely love someone for who they are and not what they have. Aw so sweet. As if someone’s actions and life situation say nothing about who they are. Then there’s the tasking of women to be the moral torchbearers and the moral bound…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 08:21 PM
3

I got mine on amazon for around $15. I tried mother dirt but IMO it’s overpriced and wastes material with excessive packing. I think the one I use now is fembiotics and it’s working just as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 07:58 PM
37

Excessive cleaning disturbs the “good bacteria” anyway. Soaps and perfumes are best not used at all on the vulva an definitely not inside the vagina. Just use water or if you must a mild soap on the vulva. If you want to rebalance things, then I suggest a probiotic body spray. Just spray it lightly around your body (no need to spray it up the vagina) and watch all body odor progressively reduce to nothing. I was never very smelly but now I’m odorless even after a sweaty workout. Anyhow, men are …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 04:58 AM
2

In this situation you have females sharing male partners or not having any. I know I’m not open to that. Unless a large chunk of women in that situation are lesbian or celibate. I think pair bonding is natural and exclusivity fosters intimacy, so I don’t see how it would work for there to be a significant imbalance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 08:58 PM
8

They have to mock marriage to make it seem like they’re the one making the concession. They act like it’s something that women want when it’s really an invention by men to protect men’s interests. They will also whine about weddings and anything romantic that is short-lived and designed to lure women into bad marriage deals. They act like it’s such a drag to exaggerate the “sacrifice” they’re making to please a woman. In reality they lock down a bang maid just for wearing a tux for one day and d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:10 PM
8

This is it - women are only supposed to exist to meet mens’ needs. Anything more is an annoying inconvenience to them at best and violent rage inducing for them at worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:03 PM
4

How so? Men in environments where women greatly outnumber them are shown to be pickier and put off commitment (basically wanting to maximize sexual partners). Then when there’s a shortage of women, rape and prostitution increase. Seems 50/50 is better...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 05:00 PM
2

Mid 30s. I’m unusual too. My sister tried to defend a dude I dated who suddenly started wanting to split dates (after one of those “dates”, I lost interest and it ended). The thing is, while I never offer to pay at first, once I’m dating a guy for awhile, I may offer to buy him something small like a coffee or ice cream, but these men will never let me pay. On the rare occasion one has, it’s a bad sign. Usually their interest is waning or they’re about to show their true LVM colors. So I discove…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 04:03 PM
24

I read that male birth control pills have been developed but there’s been some snag in the trials because men didn’t like the side effects. Women everywhere: 🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 05:03 AM
5

Like Tom on 90 Day Fiance, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 04:53 AM
32

Haha I love this. Yes, if you calculate the emotional investment... we could be opening “rehabilitation centers for broken men” and make a killing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:31 AM
32

I’ve never bought a man anything. Not a cup of coffee. Nada. Only twice I split the bill because the men wanted to, and that was the last of those two men. My worst pickmeisha self did cook dinner for men and drive too far to see them. But I’m shocked at what some women have done. I feel bad for them... Even some LVM would have too much pride to accept this from a woman....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 02:28 AM
28

The only comfort is the sample size was only 86. Still very disturbing... I admit I believed rapists have many victims, being repeat offenders, thus making it common for women (or anyone) to be a victim yet far less common for a man (or anyone) to be a perp. I still believe perps are far less than the number of victims, but this small study suggests that men have some cognitive dissonance over rape and their own actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/20 01:57 AM
43

7 is good. If you can’t accept a behavior now then pass on the relationship. It won’t get better. I remember reading that committing to a relationship means choosing a set of problems that will never fully go away. There’s no fully compatible person to you (and someone just like you would irritate you in other ways). You have to decide what conflicts you’re willing to engage in repeatedly because of fundamental differences in personality. Edit - sorry for formatting glitch, lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 10:25 PM
6

Congratulations 🍾🎉 🤗
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 01:21 AM
22

Whenever you bring up the valid reasons women divorce men they default to “NoT aLL mEn”. Yes, not all men - the good men are the ones still happily married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:57 PM
10

And attachment to the fantasy potential that never played out.... you can let go of the man and still keep the dream though 😃.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 04:29 PM
13

I think it’s more narcissistic than sexual though. I legit believe they have no interest in sex with another man. But they absolutely worship dicks and like to live vicariously through other men’s dicks (see most porn... or don’t because it’s nasty).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 08:36 PM
38

Or their receding hairlines.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 08:20 PM
31

In the thread the OP is referencing, there are comments saying women need to lower their standards. So we’re supposed to do all the work for men we’re not even attracted to and who offer us nothing. Ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 03:15 AM
15

So much truth. Reddit men don’t live in reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 12:33 AM
28

Meanwhile men complain they get no matches on apps. But somehow there are tons of women out there who just aren’t approaching them because it’s taboo? No, women have been socialized to already do more than our fair share and we still aren’t approaching these men because that’s how unattractive they are. Instead of making themselves more attractive, they soothe their egos by imagining women are secretly pining over them but too shy to do anything about it. Suuuure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 12:32 AM
3

I wrote it so I know what I meant and your comments are misinterpretation. You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to follow FDS. This is basically it - vetting men to see if they will give to yoi and invest in you (healthy masculine energy”) and prioritizing your own well-being. If you don’t like that, then don’t do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 03:02 AM
2

The first paragraph is pretty common... and it’s why we have strategy because it’s easy to be HV when not into a man, but much harder when you like him. He tends to become a “goal” for you which throws you into a masculine chasing position. Yeah I think “Getting to I Do” is worth the read. Get ready to be mad for about half the book though, lol. Then you’ll see how it redeems itself by finally acknowledging that people aren’t one-dimensional. ———- So about expressing displeasure... Well ask your…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 11:41 PM
82

Yep. I’ve observed that women are encouraged to view a man in terms of his “potential”. Of course we’re supposed to support him as he develops it. Either he never does or he trades up as soon as he can. BUT LVM tend to see women as depreciating assets, not holding untapped potential they can unleash with their love (barf). They see you as at your best now and expect you to only get “worse”. That’s why they’ll look at your mom to get an idea of how well you’ll age. They will also evaluate you in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 11:16 PM
3

Yeah I totally understand. I’ve felt that way with dating apps too. There are HVM on there, but since it facilitates low effort, there’s so many LVM who will bug you when they’d never have the guts to approach you in person.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 07:37 PM
6

Yeah, but even then you can be feminine energy. If it feels fun to peruse dating apps, then do it. If it feels like a job, then don't. Same behaviors, different energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:50 PM
4

I’m not really equipped to address abuse situations. All I can say is there’s nothing wrong with being in healthy masculine energy and the healthy feminine definitely has boundaries. IMO, LVM don’t respond well to anything, lol. That’s why we block, walk, delete, etc. If someone abused you, then IMO, then you’re not villainizing them to hold them accountable either. But I think you’ll probably get better answers from someone who has more expertise in dealing with trauma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:45 PM
9

To me pursuit of goals is from the healthy masculine and that definitely is important for a woman, and it is attractive for a man to observe, much as the healthy feminine in a man can be attractive. What I’m talking about is how you relate to the man - don’t be goal oriented with the man. He is not your goal. You are his goal. That’s all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:39 PM
8

To respond more to what you wrote in terms of personal experience.... basically me too, especially the part about “guys I don’t like”. As for communication - it’s confusing when you’ve only dealt with LVM. It’s almost shocking the first time you deal with a HVM and see how simple it is. If you want another example, give me a scenario and I’ll see if I can offer a way to approach it from the feminine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 06:19 PM
4

I can’t say for sure.... I will say I relate. Most male friends who were interested in me romantically were also LVM but I could tell that before they expressed interest. For me, I see I was attracted to HVM but repelling them because I wasn’t good at being receptive (superficially Ive always seemed feminine but this isn’t about taste or even personality). I will say I don’t believe people should “switch off” any aspect of themselves (as suggested by another post and which seems to me a misunder…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:58 PM
21

I wrote it. I don’t normally care for how the masculine and feminine are discussed either. My ideas are influenced by the book noted and some Jungian psychology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:49 PM
-6

Well you don’t know my experience and the condescension is unnecessary. I have had experience with religious groups who profess to be like “family” with one another. The assumption this is less than “non western” cultures is straight up racism to me. I would argue that Latin cultures (very much western) aren’t as individualistic anyway (and I am Hispanic). I also have had experience with an Asian culture that isn’t Christian and has tight-knit immigrant communities. I observed them to be equally…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 05:39 PM
33

Lol. I never understood the stereotype about straight women liking gay men. Nah they’re often misogynistic too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:03 AM
107

I've been a part of communities and they don't replace this. People still stay surface and it's more about the common cause or interest that brings you together. I think the hunger is for emotional intimacy. But communities don't really provide this either. It's too social and not personal enough. But yes, they fill other needs. Close friendships can provide emotional intimacy though, and communities can facilitate forming close friendships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 03:06 AM
13

Wow... today I learned...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:25 AM
2

No joke. It’s disheartening to see how boys and girls are treated differently in the classroom.... it’s not tolerated for a girl to be disruptive in anyway. But when boys are, they’re described as being “all boy” and it’s suggested to give them “leader” roles to “redirect” their “energy” 🤢🤢🤢🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 04:21 PM
2

Absolutely this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 04:18 PM
3

I was agreeing with you.... we’re not here to train men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 10:28 PM
6

This is why we don’t give them instructions or lectures. We walk and block and let them scratch their heads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:00 PM
11

I heard men say once they’re quiet because when they were young teens and started masturbating they didn’t want family hearing them. Apparently they don’t think women masturbate and that most don’t start as teens either... It was the classic assumption that women’s sexuality only exists for men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 06:59 PM
6

This right here. Add up the value and get a bank account of your own and he should deposit that (at least). Edit - out of curiosity I just googled fees for personal chefs near me. They average $50/hour. Housecleaning is about $20/hour. Etc. Add it up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 10:24 PM
7

Victimhood feels noble to many women. Also, feeling superior to men (“he’s incapable of taking care of the kids”) is a way to feel better about themselves. A woman who feels her high value only accepts an equal. Accepting a LVM and feeling superior as a martyr indicates low self worth. If it’s child abuse to leave kids with their own father for a few days then it’s not a healthy marriage for them to be exposed to. Yes they’ll do the kids a favor to leave. Looking back, I deeply wish my mother ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 10:21 PM
23

I have a man in my dating rotation who has a great body IMO. He’s tall and very lean. Other men have always tried to make him feel insecure by calling him “skinny”. Men will often tear down ripped slender men by saying “oh he’s just skinny”, while they themselves have a belly... Well you can tell this guy works out but he isn’t bulky - he’s lean with chiseled abs and a great shoulder to waist ratio. Still he finds it hard to believe that women aren’t into the super hero steroid body. Men seem to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 09:46 PM
16

A great point I’ve seen made on this sub is how men would never act like this for their work with their boss or clients. And if he does, then he’s probably broke at a dead end job and you don’t want him anyway (broke isn’t just about money but drive and life management skills). But if he’s a successful adult, then he knows how to schedule things and show up on time. Any flakiness is a clear communication that he doesn’t value you that much.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 09:03 PM
20

Yep. FDS boils down to this - if interactions don’t feel good and easy to you and a man doesn’t make your life more pleasurable, then walk. Prioritize feeling good for yourself. Your time and energy is only invested into what actually is enjoyable and beneficial for you. A man must demonstrate that he’s worth your time and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:57 PM
18

It’s like that empty MGTOW or red pill threat that women need men to protect them and how sorry we’ll be if we negate on our end of this bargain (we give them basically everything in exchange for “protection”). What are they protecting us from in modern times? Bear attacks? Naw... they mean they protect us from OTHER MEN. But they don’t even do that. Women protect each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:45 PM
17

I dated a guy like this some time ago. Poor money management due to stuff like eating out too much. Also overweight for same reason (and he actually had slimmed down before I met him). Said he makes sandwiches and stuff like ramen noodles when he eats at home. So lots of packaged and junk food.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:40 PM
21

You don’t want the men who get fancy in the kitchen either. They often only want to cook when they get an audience (ie dinner parties) and will expect you to rave over them and will act like it’s a competition (they will always have to be regarded as “better” than you) they will insult your everyday cooking while shoveling seconds in their mouth (because yes you’ll be stuck with everyday meals still) they’ll make a giant mess you will have to clean up because they don’t clean as they go they wil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 08:38 PM
44

There is often internalized misogyny going on with these mothers though. They’re pickmeishas. But I understand your point. Mothers get nitpicked to death while deadbeat dads get a pass. Maybe the mom wouldn’t cling so hard to her “baby boy” if she had healthier relationships with other adult males in her life instead of being totally run down by LVM.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 04:33 PM
60

It’s about status, which WM are steadily losing (and are very angry about it).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 03:19 PM
36

Even then a woman still often initiates the divorce - whether it’s the wife or the mistress pushing for it. The man is usually happy to keep status quo with a wife as his maid and nanny and the mistress as his whore.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 05:04 AM
4

Prior to 3 months you can build up to sex... it doesn’t have to go from 0 to 100 in one night.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 04:55 AM
28

Bellies repulse me on men. I don’t like a soft body on a man. I’ve dated men with firm bodies and ab definition and it was so much sexier. I will never date a squishy effeminate man with a “dad bod”. I mean to each her own but the standards for men’s looks needs to be much higher. I think women get brainwashed into suppressing their sexual attractions because we’re pushed to be the morally superior ones while “boys will be boys”. So women claim they don’t care as much about looks... then they wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:33 AM
19

They’ve been having a fashion moment again, but as with all “awkward” fashion, only if you are thin with a flat tummy so can wear them with a crop top. And if you’re over 30 then you still risk looking like a “mom”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 03:24 AM
11

You might get more admiration than you think. You might actually seem unapproachable. Which is fine if you don’t want to be approached. But IME, how much you get approached has way less to do with beauty than sheer approachability. Women who get a ton of attention register as “open” not necessarily more beautiful. LVM go for low hanging fruit. They smell out pickmeishas and go for open women. LVM and HVM will seek open HVW, but HVW repel LVM by requiring more. LVM sort of recede into the backgro…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 06:31 PM
29

I think it’s because she won’t marry him. The one they want is too HV and won’t put up with his BS. Most men pine from a distance over the one they want because they aren’t willing to be what it takes for her to commit. I don’t see HVW living with men indefinitely though. If she does because it’s on her terms, I still see the man giving her a ring and essentially seeing her as a wife. The reality is if a man sees you as HV, then he is going to give wife status. This is what FDS teaches because i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:38 PM
47

Both are problematic - you initiate it all and he takes the path of least resistance (aka the “for now” girl) or he love bombs and rushes towards “commitment” aka the replacement for his former maid/cook/whore/roommate to split bills. At 3 months, a high value man has probably asked for exclusivity but he wouldn’t scare you off with marriage talk yet. He knows a HVW has options and is still evaluating him. On the other hand, if you hit the year mark and he isn’t seriously talking engagement then…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 05:32 PM
10

Care to give us a brief summary? The women do better than themselves during marriage or better than the men after the divorce?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:58 AM
7

Agree. I think his appeal is his character which comes through in his face and demeanor. His actual age is apparent though if we’re just talking wrinkles, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:35 AM
12

Yes, the system is in favor of males. It is created and sustained by men and for men. They already get a leg up just based on their genitalia. If they get weeded out, that is by other men who are also deeming them Low Value. Men compete with each other to be more sexually attractive and this is one of many ways. Things not being “fair” is due to male ego because they don’t want fairness - they want to win and prove their fitness that way. As a woman, our job is to select the most fit men. Let’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:30 AM
32

💯 Men are still making more money than women on average, even when skills and education are equal. A man who is your socio-economic equal makes more than you. Society still favors males and promotes them faster and more often to leadership positions. Put the blinders on for the other men. They literally aren’t in your class. They’re the gold diggers (projection on their part) - they want to split bills but not chores or emotional labour.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:25 AM
26

Before I found FDS, all FDS style advice that was from people I knew (and not books or online gurus) came from MEN. When men are honest about how men work and how men experience relationships they inevitably end up giving you FDS advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 10:52 PM
24

This shouldn’t be downvoted. The bar is low and acting like he hasn’t aged and doesn’t hide under his hair is a fair point. Let’s not coddle men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 10:43 PM
33

She’s still younger than him - nearly a decade. IMO he looks about 10 years younger, mostly thanks to keeping his hair (he passes for mid 40s) and being exceptionally good looking to begin with. Seems to lead a clean life too. But make no mistake - he is with a much younger woman. Although she is probably lovely, she simply looks his age and that’s why people like it. But still - she is younger.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 10:41 PM
2

Me too. If he’s hot enough, no problem being turned on by the view alone. Maybe other women think looks don’t factor as much in their arousal simply because most men are so fug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 02:56 AM
36

This is reddit also. Someone here even posted some stats showing how men are sided with more often on relationship/dating subreddits. The constant push to empathize and communicate more with men as if women already don’t do the heavy lifting when it comes to emotional labor. People acknowledge we’re socialized and perhaps even “wired” to be more empathetic and better at personal communication and yet we’re the ones chided to give even MORE when a relationship has issues. When is the man ever hel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 03:18 PM
7

Yes but they must message first. In their initial message they should show they read your profile. If they’re not being personable and trying to learn about you (to see if you’re compatible to them), then they’re just seeking attention and sex, probably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 03:12 PM
2

That didn’t reiterate what I said at all. It missed the point entirely and is too flawed of an analogy to even break it down. The men available to you are the ones you currently attract. Those are not the only men. Other men can and will appear when you change yourself. LVM want you to believe there isn’t any better so your standards stay low. When you feel your high value and your standards and behaviors reflect that, then high value men come to you. You don’t need to go looking much either. Me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 01:49 AM
11

It’s because they don’t think of women as people with lives. They see us as some kind of option to entertain them and meet their needs, not fellow humans with friends and families and hobbies, etc. And whether conscious or not, these men want to test if you’re “cool“ with being an option. That way he can see you at his convenience when nothing better is happening. If a guy doesn’t set a time and place the I’ll say “I need a plan with time and location because I have my own life and I need to kno…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:50 AM
14

Mom may mean well but most moms give pickme advice. I no longer consult other women unless they’re proven to not be a pickmeisha. Consult the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 12:05 AM
24

I’m sure it’s their visual preference which is how they’ll answer these questions because they’ll take it literally. Whereas women will always consider what’s most attractive from a relationship standpoint. Because I visually prefer a young man myself (I’m mid 30s). I prefer a man with a full head of hair, a chiseled jawline, defined abs, and sexual stamina. Typically 25-30 is the most attractive age for a man. There are exceptions but most men hit the wall post age 30-35. But why do I prefer a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/20 11:56 PM
7

As if you didn’t study with books.... in addition to receiving teaching and mentoring and hands-on experience.... 😂 Men with fragile egos always see a woman’s strengths as a threat to their own. HVM see is a compliment to themselves that such an amazing woman gives him the time of day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 08:32 PM
58

Queen energy here. Get instantly turned off by him and move on. You don’t need to justify anything.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 07:55 PM
2

Lose the belief that everyone you want doesn’t want you. Stay in the mode of evaluating others with an assumption they do want you. A man meeting only 70% of your list of qualities but not making you feel wanted means he didn’t pass. Half of what you deemed a pass may have crumbled anyway had you dated longer. That’s why I say you don’t know his true value early on. Shift your mindset to “he wasn’t right for me but he’s a step closer to men who qualify” not “he’s the best I can find so I need to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 06:56 PM
3

Thanks!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 05:31 PM
7

💯 We think we will heal ourselves by healing others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:57 PM
20

And the men are probably fat too. I hate when reddit males try to compare short stature for men with being overweight for women to support their false idea that women are more shallow.... YoU CAn cONtrOL wEigHt bUt NoT HeiGHt, tHerEfOre wOMeN’S sTaNDarDs aRe MorE ShaLLoW. Cool then why are so many men fatties too? Let’s not even talk about breast size, whr, and other stuff genetically determined for women. Men are justified in their tastes but women never are, of course.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 05:27 PM
35

I just never see a man again if he takes that attitude. I’ve paid for half of a date once in my life. I didn’t lecture him. I set my card down with a look of incredulity. We drove back in silence. I never spoke to him again. Forget that “use your words” BS. Men understand actions. Use your actions. Decline, delete and block if necessary. You’re not here to teach a man, you’re not his mamma.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 04:43 AM
33

Yes LVM hate to see you happy and thriving. They view it as a competition and threat to their ego. The lower you are, the easier it is for them to outdo you and feel “big”. They think they win by keeping you down. HVM feels he wins by boosting you up. Is it still about his ego? Yeah. And that’s why we keep the rose coloured glasses off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 08:14 PM
40

There are better men but pickmeishas don’t know how to receive good treatment because they think they must earn it. Love is your birthright. Sometimes very beautiful and successful people suffer from thinking they must earn love. Then they chase validation and of course they accept LVM. This is actually a game. FDS is far less of a game than it is being honest with yourself, loving yourself, and honoring your needs and desires and seeing if a man will meet them without manipulation or nagging. D…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 07:15 PM
21

If it wasn’t for sex I probably wouldn’t bother with romantic relationships. But since most men aren’t great lovers or worth the risks, it still serves me to be very picky and take my sweet time vetting for a good lover who is protective towards me emotionally and physically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 07:06 PM
69

This is why your well being has to be felt as rewarding to a man. HV men love almost nothing more than being the hero or the problem solver or giver of pleasure. Healthy masculine energy is giving and doing and accomplishing and getting results. For a HV man, your happiness and pleasure is WINNING for him. You have to weed out men who view your well being as a burden and not a goal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 07:03 PM
20

My best mental strategy for not getting prematurely attached to someone I’m dating (when it’s going well) is to frequently remind myself that he’s not the only quality guy out there. I tell myself I will inevitably find the relationship I want and if it’s not this guy, then it’s someone else. I also literally made a checklist of traits I want and a man has to score like 95% (and not have any dealbreakers). Anything he lacks on, I remind myself of with the idea that if it doesn’t work out then I’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 12:17 AM
11

IMO anything that feels very intimate that may create a sense of attachment or leave you feeling vulnerable. Nothing that risks pregnancy. I’m not making rules for other people but being realistic about how people work, which is how I see FDS too. For me, without commitment there’s nothing beyond making out and petting. I’d rather error on holding back rather than lie to myself about what I can do and stay emotionally objective to evaluate the man. For me, physical intimacy starts to cloud stuff…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 06:51 PM
11

Not even 6 months for me. Pre FDS I was still 2-3 months then move on. It wasn’t even a rule.... you naturally get turned off if you have a shred of self esteem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:14 PM
9

I don’t know where it advocates being aloof. It’s not so much behavior as inner attitude. You’re not prematurely attached to or available to a man who hasn’t proven anything yet. He’s an option until he commits to you in word and deed. Obviously as things grow and deepen you develop some emotional intimacy. But while it’s great that stuff like vulnerability and authenticity are being championed nowadays, they don’t caution that not everyone deserves to be close to you. Instant intimacy (both phy…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:13 PM
13

About the last paragraph - if he’s not interested in learning about you then that’s a bad sign. Definitely don’t overshare, but he should demonstrate that he wants to learn about you. Also, as a quiet more “mysterious” introvert, not being as talkative works for me ONLY when it’s natural and not from a place of shyness (which is insecurity). Otherwise I seem to repel people. However trying to force myself to be chatty and keep conversation going is also unnatural and will then seem needy. I’ve s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 04:07 PM
21

Yeah this is ok if it’s on your terms because you aren’t interested in a full relationship yet... But these are important to uphold: no sex (no chemical bonding) continue to talk to and be entertained by other men (no exclusivity).... there should be a rotation, not one guy who gets all of you no wifey behaviors (ie cooking for him) no girlfriend behaviors (ie a lot of emotional support) he still must pay for dates and make things fun, no low effort netflix and chill She will be bored of him aft…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 03:58 PM
12

Boom. This here. Also make up your minds men - equal pay or you’re the financial head? Make sure and factor in the second shift as well. And the emotional labor while we’re at it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:19 AM
8

Yes, I’m the messy one usually, but because I’m an adult I still clean up after myself. But cooking... I’ve met many men who do, but unfortunately they want an audience and applause for it at dinner parties like they’re a famous chef; meanwhile they will still stick you with the thankless everyday cooking and have audacity to complain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:14 AM
8

Agree. Decent adult men aren’t nasty They don’t even have to be HVM to have basic cleanliness. I’ve never dated a filthy man either. Ladies need to expect more and make no excuses for men. I wasn’t even dating HVM in the past and was pickmeisha in many ways, but my exes still would wash my car for me and clean up the kitchen when I cooked (there I went wrong... don’t play house before you’re engaged). We didn’t live together even. And I didn’t lift a finger at their home. They’d even wash my clo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:10 AM
10

That’s when you throw the whole man out. And never set it as a precedent. It’s easier to set standards from the beginning than to uproot bad habits. I’m not talking about mothering him by training him though.... you have standards and evaluate him to see if he qualifies as a good potential partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:05 AM
8

Have you ever stopped cleaning and see how he responds? Does he not think about it because he’s given himself that privilege by assuming you’ll do it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:02 AM
19

I think stuff like this is mental illness or emotional problems. Basic cleanliness is about self respect. These irrational and almost self destructive behaviors seem indicative of deeper issues. Because I’m sure he turned out to be a peach in other regards...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/20 04:00 AM
113

I’m sick of this too. Men are visual so it’s normal for them to prioritize looks. But women are shamed for having physical preferences and expecting physical attraction. Nope.... what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:51 AM
1

Mascara that’s clear....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 10:59 PM
26

One of the best things I’ve learned from FDS was in a comment about how the world is designed for men. So men who can’t get good paying jobs and achieve anything have NO excuse. Don’t make excuses for them. They do little because so much is handed to them. It also justified me in expecting a male partner to earn more. Men earn more money for the same skills. They’ll advance faster because they’re men and that’s it. So my equal makes more money than me. I’ll repeat that - if a man is your equal, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 10:47 PM
42

I went to the beach with a man recently.... so I wore tinted moisturizer and concealer (admittedly it does look quite “natural“), bronzer and blush, brow mascara, clear eye mascara, and sheer pink lip color.... Of course he told me I look amazing without makeup. 😂 And I DO look good without that even 😝, but less “polished”. It’s hilarious to me how men can’t spot the difference though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 10:28 PM
58

But don’t ask him. Because you’re not seeking commitment from a man. He’s seeking it from you. Exclusivity benefits him. You’re still dating other men and you haven’t had sex with him (until he’s committed and you’re exclusive and want to). He moves it forward and you put the breaks on, if need be. If he doesn’t ask for commitment and volunteer such information himself by about 3 months, then drop him. If he explicitly asks to be exclusive and displays consistent behavior that shows commitment, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 10:18 PM
4

Honestly many women have this desire too, but we’re socially shamed out of it (see social norms geared to benefit men); plus, we’re the rational gender that doesn’t feed or try to normalize desires and behaviors we understand aren’t ultimately beneficial for anyone. A HVM will be similar. He won’t indulge such desires, try to excuse them, or expect other people to keep him in check. He understands he’s not an animal and chooses what is beneficial for everyone not just his own immediate gratifica…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 07:29 PM
8

It’s more complex than that. Sperm fight off other sperm. Meaning “nature” anticipates competition in mating because women aren’t necessarily monogamous either. In many tribal societies, men and women partner and men’s children are those of his female partner, although they may not be sexually monogamous. Of course the woman and children are also supported by a tribe. But as people became less tribal, there is increased competition for resources.... If men don’t have strategies to deal with comp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:37 PM
34

When I was 15.... yes only FIFTEEN.... I went with my pregnant aunt to a baby store. We were all disgusted when the adult male partner of a very pregnant woman literally craned his neck around to continue checking me out as they exited the store. 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:06 PM
72

Lol this is so true. Any men acting like they can’t get turned on by a real live naked woman willing to have sex with them because she has stretch marks (or whatever) are using that as a poor excuse to hide their porn sickness. And let’s not even talk about the double standard with “dad bods”. Or let’s do talk about it because what excuse do these men have for getting out of shape? They didn’t give birth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 06:00 PM
66

That’s why we must be on the fence about having children with a man. If a man you’re dating asks you about wanting kids, make it clear that you’d only desire them with a man who shows he will be a great father, that you can see starting a family with because of how he treats you and prioritizes things in life. If he asks if you see him as that kind of man, continue to be on the fence. Even if you marry, he needs to be the one to ask for kids. You must always have requirements that need to be met…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 05:55 PM
115

I have been called cold by men because of this. Many will find some way to use ad hominem to avoid addressing any actual point. Also many confuse presentation for sound reasoning. A logical argument given passionately doesn’t mean it’s less logical. Having many errors in reasoning but expressing it in a calm, metered way doesn’t make it logical. They reveal themselves to not be the rational sex by focusing on delivery over content.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:44 AM
3

Yeah I think so too. Also I recall they lost a baby (not a miscarriage which is bad enough but a 1 yr old) and that’s what seemed to start the downward spiral. I think if there’s an obvious life trigger then stuff can be resolved because it’s different from just being a former pickmeisha who woke up and realized he’s been LVM from day one and she ignored every red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 03:13 AM
3

🙌 Gotta always remember “No JADE” - no justifying, arguing, defending or explaining. Simple state feelings, needs and preferences and see what he does with that. Might as well add no teaching and no low blows that stoop to his level.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:23 PM
15

One couple and it’s because they essentially sided with the woman. This shocked people because outwardly his passive aggressiveness made him seem like the nice guy victim and the wife’s reactions to him made her the “crazy bitch” (sound like a familiar pattern?). Amazingly they found a therapist who saw through his manipulative behavior. When he adjusted himself then suddenly he has this pleasant, even tempered wife because he was no longer making her insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 06:17 PM
2

Good men don’t get outraged when emotionally unhealthy people pair off. They’d be too busy having a successful relationship with a quality woman instead of prioritizing how hot and young she is. Oh look I can make those assumptions too. A man telling a woman what is good for her and how to feel which just so happens to benefit him. Yeah that’s a good guy. Nope. That’s controlling and entitled. A gracious and mature person respects other people’s feelings and moves on. Women absolutely have separ…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 07:53 PM
2

Nope it’s all about bullies getting more sex. Doesn’t mean women prefer or even choose them. If they’re bullies they might be rapists which explains how so many women report having been raped or sexually assaulted at some point.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 07:42 PM
2

Their criteria should be whiny rude men who insult them? Nah. Women don’t prefer violent men. The studies always describe it as aggressive attitudes in men that women choose for casual flings. They’re not attracted to violence but an aggressiveness which is perceived as masculine, and it’s not the majority of women anyway as most women don’t even want casual flings. And yes that would be vetted for because flings aren’t advantageous to women. Most of this is more strawman anyway as I said nothin…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 07:40 PM
3

What projection lol. There aren’t studies showing men like assholes. There are studies showing women like more alpha assertive masculine types when not on birth control. Doesn’t make those men abusers nor assholes. Never said anything about majority of men so that’s a strawman. Nice try at distorting reality with YOUR feelings though. We can agree that women should vet more and then they can weed out both angry little men who are openly nasty (basically you) and the deceptively charismatic assho…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 07:20 PM
1

Nope. You have nothing to back that up. Whereas there are countless stories from women which say otherwise. It simply doesn’t fit your narrative where women are at fault for everything.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 07:07 PM
1

Well then we agree. You like FDS then?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 06:51 PM
2

The make the decision when they guy is still being good to her. Abusive men start off charming most of the time. Growing up I’d hear women say “beware of very charming men”. So we get all these confusing messages when it comes to weeding out bad men. And then on top of it, there’s the sunken cost fallacy. Once the man traps her she is socially pressured to fix it as if it’s her fault. If she leaves him, now she’s the bad woman who initiated divorced. IMO women take too much responsibility for th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 06:38 PM
2

Being in shape will put most men ahead if you’re American though. Most men are not in shape... but of course the more attractive you are, the less options you’ll have for who you find attractive. IMO, female attraction is more specific to each woman and so there are less men who are universally attractive unless they’re the top tier attractive people that everyone can agree on. Because it’s not just about him being generally attractive but meeting her specific taste, which will be very different…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 06:33 PM
2

We think men don’t hear the mixed messages women get. We think men don’t see the big picture. Most men don’t start off as assholes, but they introduce it once they think they’ve got a woman. Women are socialized to be people pleasers and do the emotional labour. Check any reddit relationship sub and see advice slant in favor of the man. It’s so unfair to break up with the asshole because “he can’t read minds” and once upon a time he was a “good guy”. Advise her to leave him and people will cry a…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/20 06:18 PM
22

Meh their dating culture seems heavily in favor of men though. It’s like perpetual FWB or forever girlfriend situations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 06:11 PM
43

Side tangent.... The idea he picked his partner as if that’s flattering.... as if he had many choices and as if his fantasy was ever one of them and he turned it down in favor of his partner. We all know he simply entered a relationship with the first woman who’d give him sex and put up with his BS. LVM make pickmes think they are picked as if they somehow qualified for him.... that’s backwards. Men pursue and seek to qualify themselves and women pick from a selection of suitors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:39 PM
31

I hate to be cynical but there’s that concern of him putting the work in to get close to her kids.... The story is either missing details (like she set a specific standard and he went out and met it to qualify for her) or this guy is a bit presumptuous and it makes you wonder why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:32 PM
24

I think males need more emphasis on their looks. They’ve been deluded into thinking only their personality and achievements matter and then they grow up to feel entitled to sex because they tell some jokes and have a job. Also I’m wary of the male standard as being “the standard”, as if women being equal should mean they need to be more like men. We’re already there and we do it in heels. Why not expect more of men, including more typically feminine strengths like good grooming and a sense of ae…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:16 AM
26

Yes I notice many people confuse low self esteem for being humble. Being humble typically means you don’t think you’re fundamentally better than others and you’re not overly self-centered; but it doesn’t mean you think poorly of yourself. But people with low self esteem don’t like to see confident people who know their own worth. Both LVM and pickmeishas will often seek to knock down a woman who feels beautiful because she doesn’t downplay herself or pretend to hate her body to imply she’s “humb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 03:12 AM
33

He doesn’t seem to understand what impressing means. It means making a good impression. So no, cheap non-dates don’t do that. And cheap isn’t really about money... it’s about effort to show someone a good time. Make it worth her time to get gussied up and choose you over the other men in her rotation. But it’s always about money with these guys. They’re the ones thinking they can buy a relationship, as if their wallet is a carrot they’re dangling and women can’t support themselves. They misunder…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:52 AM
48

It’s a manipulative neg disguised as light teasing to get an emotional response from you. It’s supposed to quickly engage you as you jump to ask why and prove how you’re not trouble (but rather “cool girl”).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:46 AM
33

Women who are already in relationships are unlikely to visit a dating strategy sub. This sub started blowing up right before the pandemic so most dating is still on pause right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 02:44 AM
-1

It doesn’t matter. Painful surgery to achieve an ideal is there. A boob job is definitely serious and can lead to health issues. You’re delusional if you don’t acknowledge that women surgically altering their bodies is so normalized that you don’t consider it ridiculous and actually think men have more pressure to look a certain way to be attractive. There are huge double standards when it comes to what is assumed a woman can or should do to optimize her attractiveness compared to a man. Men alr…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:36 AM
2

So men discriminate against short men too. Hmmm it almost seems like men project a lot onto women...
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:25 AM
0

Yes there’s that limb lengthening surgery now. Just like flat chested women can get boob jobs. 🙃
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:23 AM
2

I agree with your overall idea that truly tall women are regarded as a bit freakish and unattractive (unless proportioned like a super model with a face to match), but I think your numbers are off. Unless you’re in a very tall country, then I’m pretty sure a 5’6 man is more common than a woman over 5’10. Women over 5’10 are like 99 percentile or something. I think 5’4 for a man may be more equivalent. I’m going to check percentiles and come back with that. Edit - looks like it’s as low as 5’3. A…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:17 AM
3

It’s because it signals authority. It’s not about physical strength. When you’re a small child the people with authority are adults and they’re taller than you. You internalize that. So as an adult you tend to defer to taller people as an instinct of sorts. But men don’t like to defer to women and get uncomfortable when they have to, hence feeling some intimidation from taller women. But only if you’re tallER. If you’re tall but just slightly shortER than a man, then you’re ideal for giving him …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:11 AM
1

Women have social advantages for being taller than average too. They tend to make more money, for example. And while an average 5-6” height difference between the sexes better reflects women’s stated preferences (about 8” taller), men typically show a preference for less height difference (about 3”). IMO this is possibly why women wear heels and why they’re considered sexy. People think height doesn’t matter and it’s about long legs, but the heels are also making her appear closer to the preferr…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/20 01:02 AM
94

None of this was a thing before internet porn. I’m an old millennial and it’s my generation that normalized removal of pubic hair. Men over 40 don’t seem to have an issue with it either because it wasn’t normalized yet when they came of age. Obviously women have had body hair for centuries and men weren’t inherently turned off by it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:43 AM
2

I’m in marketing too... of other people’s ideas who have capital 😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 12:39 AM
313

Wow I didn’t know this about Nike! How terrible.... they’re also idiots because that could be great marketing. They could start maternity wear lines.... there’s a whole untapped fitness market there.... someone with money wanna fund my business ideas? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 02:33 AM
0

Meh... I honestly don’t believe a man randomly does these things one day after many years of consistent behavior and zero indicators beforehand. And if that’s the case then you may as well lock yourself in a closet for life and trust no one and experience nothing. This isn’t a “women going their own way” forum either, but dating strategy. Vetting works if you apply it. But the strategy is geared towards relationships because casual no-strings sex doesn’t usually benefit women either.... the man …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 09:52 PM
7

I don’t know the full context but something about the phrasing “But actually not the same. I’m striving for something” is off-putting too. It comes across as condescending somehow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:53 PM
26

They are bluffing and expect us to offer some pickme solution and give them their way on whatever they’re trying to force. It’s a form of boundary testing. What can he get you to stoop to in order to keep him? They are always so shocked when you not only “wish them the best” but also don’t take up any offer to “stay friends”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 04:59 PM
31

They’ll complain about paying for dinner but it’s not even a decent downpayment for the future maid, sex work, child care, therapist, home decorator, personal cook, errand delivery driver, etc, they expect to get for FREE once they convince you to give up your independence for a rock and a title. And they’ll drag their feet on the latter because they‘ll try to get it all without a offering any legal protection to the woman because that might involve some compensation for her work. Also this phra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 04:48 PM
14

Statistically marriages with larger age gaps have higher failure rates. More than 5 years age difference increases odds of divorce and it shoots up with a 10+ year gap. 0-2 years difference is supposedly ideal as far as odds go..... so like every other factor (ie education or socioeconomic class), a peer will be most compatible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:54 AM
12

That last point 👏🏻. That’s more than a bonus - that’s like the core principle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:10 AM
26

Not getting sucked into potential or ceasing to be in evaluation mode too soon. Stay skeptical and put the brakes on as he gets infatuated with you and tries to prove himself to you. Also not being too understanding or patient. Not being his free therapist. Cultivating a mentality where I easily lose interest if he’s not truly HVM no matter how attractive or otherwise “likable”. Remembering that if something doesn’t feel good to me, then I don’t have to do it. I can decline, cancel, leave, ignor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 06:06 AM
18

Yes these men exist. Believing this is “a lot” reinforces the idea you’re lucky to get it. Nope. It’s basic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:32 AM
10

Unfortunately there are jobs that will ask for “sample work” before hiring - not a portfolio but doing work for them. Or they want to give you a “test”. Don’t do it. Job hunting and dating are sorta similar and pickemeisha behavior doesn’t work for jobs either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:23 AM
4

He’s a famous Spanish actor who was attractive when young; he’s unique looking and has that Latin charisma on camera. But he hit the wall ages ago. And yeah, men can be ugly-hot but that apparently isn’t a thing for women (although I think it is - see Sandra Oh or Julia Louis-Dreyfus).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 05:02 AM
15

It’s because ugly, broke men want to believe “making a woman laugh” is the only quality they need to have to get laid. How nice for them they feel their worth can be solely about personality. So yeah, women being humorous “steals” their one little thing they think they possess to impress women (as if it’s a competition and funny women don’t like funny men; but they have to be “better”. Same reason they don’t typically like women who earn more money).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 04:48 AM
19

Personally, my standards became so high that few men impress me anymore. It’s really hard for me to get infatuated (I almost miss it, TBH). I think I’m seeing them for what they are now and not “potential”. So I think knowing you’re infatuated with a fantasy at that point is important. You’re attached to that, not the person in front of you. Simple awareness can ground you again when it comes to the real man. Also - the feelings the fantasy gives you are good indicators for what you’re seeking. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 08:57 PM
5

Recognize some of it as hormonal and accept it for what it is. Sex will release those bonding hormones and it’s normal to idealize someone in the early dating stages. Even people who DO want something serious will experience that wearing off in time, and then they’ll have to decide if the real, flawed person is worth it. So enjoy it for what it is but know it doesn’t mean much of anything. That may help you keep your boundaries. And clarify to yourself what you want out of this so you know your …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 08:48 PM
14

Read FDS recommended book “Getting to I Do”. It will explain how to approach the matter in a feminine way that doesn’t put him off so you can express how you feel and what you don’t want and then he has the space and freedom to meet your needs in his way without feeling controlled. Example - you ask when it’s a good time to talk about it. That way he doesn’t feel ambushed. Then in that time, tell him you don’t want to date someone indefinitely because marriage is important to you. You don’t thre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:54 AM
7

It’s because she’s pickmeisha and won’t express her real feelings. Men don’t actually respect that. He was being LV and knew it and she kissed him and made him tea. That’s why you don’t comfort men. They want to be your hero, not a baby you comfort. Edit - not excusing this man. Explaining how it came to this. She wouldn’t be with him if she didn’t downplay her own needs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 06:16 AM
2

It’s a stock photo. Pretty sure it’s simply meant to convey an appropriately age-matched couple with the man doing the cooking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 08:10 PM
9

I think this is misinterpreting the article then. Her use of “passive” here doesn’t mean not asserting one’s preferences or needs (the book referenced makes that clear). It means not pursuing the man so you can see if he’s willing to invest in you. It’s part of vetting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:43 PM
40

💯 Ghosting is also an overused phrase. Ceasing contact with someone isn’t “ghosting”. Actions communicate clearly also, not just words, and many men understand actions better. I think it’s a courtesy if someone reaches out in a respectful way to ask to see you again (or something like that) and you politely say you “Thanks but no thanks, wish you the best”. I have received mature responses and silence (meaning they understood and accepted it). I have also received the butthurt replies which is w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 06:05 PM
3

I’m not someone who wants a ton of chatting before meeting or even in between early dates. So for me I wouldn’t even have noticed the time passing. Of course that means I’m not invested in him either nor prioritizing him at all. This behavior would only be meaningful if I assigned him significance, which at this point, he hasn’t earned. If he created expectation with early behavior and now seems to be pulling back, and it makes you feel bad to interact with him, then maybe he’s been given too mu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 04:05 PM
6

I recommend reading “Getting to I Do”, referenced by the article and FDS recommended reading. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way at times, lol. And it’s from the 90s, so there’s some outdated information (ie men being “naturally polyamorous”). But when you get to the part about negotiating, it clicked for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:34 PM
22

She chose not to press the issue once she understood he viewed it as caring for her and not that he believed women don’t drive well or that he wants to be in control. In the referenced book (FDS recommended reading), “Getting to I Do”, an example is given where the woman still wants to drive and is able to successfully negotiate it yet prevent a dynamic shift of her becoming Mommy. If you want control all the time, then you want to be Mommy, so then get ready to take care of a manchild.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:29 PM
12

You haven’t read the FDS recommended reading, I take it. It’s about being able to receive not being a doormat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 03:20 PM
3

I would need more context. “Reaching out” is vague. Have you actually dated or just been chatting (since dating is paused for many right now)? What expectations were set? I agree that if you’re feeling confused then it’s not a good sign. At most, if he’s fun and nice and you enjoy interaction, then I’d proceed with caution and only keep him as an “option” (don’t prioritize him in anyway because he hasn’t prioritized you). What feels best to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 04:49 AM
12

I make a judgement on the clothes not the whole person. It’s an aesthetic judgement, not a moral one. Their taste does say something about them, but again, I don’t really see it as good or bad so much as what appeals to me and what seems compatible with me. When it comes to a partner, I have aesthetic preferences and make no apologies for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 07:40 PM
13

This is a good post. Sometimes I feel like the “avoidant tendency” is hyper sensitivity to someone not being emotionally safe. And being turned off easily is a strong awareness of your own feelings and honoring them, when women are too often taught to put others first. I’ve actually stopped labelling myself with any attachment style as it doesn’t seem useful and seems more like a theoretical thing anyway. There isn’t much out there for real life application.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 04:02 PM
6

It is harder. I recommend the book “The Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”. Even it’s not your parents specifically, it would apply to family you grew up with and feel a bond with but know aren’t good for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 03:33 PM
33

Most books on this topic sympathize with anxious types and demonize avoidant style. It seems you’ve noticed this already. I’m guessing the authors lean anxious as the anxious tendency is to play victim and make everyone else the bad guy. This triggers avoidants who easily feel manipulated and that their needs are trivialized as the demands of the partner eclipse them. Avoidants are often avoiding manipulation and having boundaries violated. What can help is communicating expectations and boundar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:29 AM
73

Yes great shift in thinking. Keep focus on how you feel. Doesn’t feel good to you? Then it’s a nope. Block him and switch focus to what feels good to you. You don’t need to justify it to anyone or even yourself either. Learning to trust and honor your own feelings is important especially in a world which gaslights women as crazy, dramatic, too picky, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:17 AM
18

They’re usually broke yet still imagine their wallet will get RaPEd if they marry and then later divorce. I also think they know it’s some kind of carrot on a stick. The unhealthy relationship dynamic is based on him not meeting her needs or wants as a way to manipulate her to please him in a misguided effort to get him to finally do something for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:07 AM
37

Not if it’s truly on your terms. It sounds like marriage isn’t what you want and this the extent of what you want. So then it’s fine. You’re the one hitting the breaks. But many women will lie to themselves and say they’re ok with it when they’re not. They’ll be the forever girlfriend doing wife stuff and getting nothing out of it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting marriage and there are HVM who will make good partners. A reasonable time period is 1-2 years because if he doesn’t propose by then…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 06:02 AM
5

Yelp-like reviews for humans seems like a great idea but also something that could go horribly wrong quite easily. A part of me loves the idea of being able to look up reviews on a man, but then we all know they’d retaliate if you left them a negative review. I’d be more surprised if this wasn’t already in the works though. I already once used a dating site that encouraged friend testimonials. Not sure if/how they verified them....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 05:52 AM
59

I notice they’re always hideously ugly also. Often have a low class look. Never seen a good-looking, well-groomed man state he’s “poly”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 05:46 AM
3

He hates mushy stuff but refers to sex as “making love”? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 03:18 AM
5

While love bombing is a problem, it too often goes the other way. And this is about qualities displayed over time, as you cannot know if someone is HV immediately anyway. I’ve known many spiritual people who aren’t happy or grateful. You could argue they aren’t really spiritual but I’d rather just be clear on what I want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 04:14 PM
15

For me I’d add generous (emotionally and materially), affectionate, open-minded, solution-driven, healthy self-esteem and confidence, emotionally stable, and happy and grateful attitude in life. Also someone who is decisive and savvy. Can’t stand a guy who has no ideas and can’t plan anything. His whole life tends to reflect his lack of ingenuity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 03:29 PM
23

And men get competitive about the size of the diamond they can afford for their fiancé. It’s another status thing for them. Check out engagement rings sub and see comments from women saying the ring is more important to their male fiancé...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/05/20 05:24 AM
14

“Hearing dull people bore on about their kink” So, reddit? 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:42 PM
24

This is it. Man gets lazy. Woman’s libido (for him) drops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:40 PM
13

A good article is the one that acknowledges women do lose interest in sex in a monogamous relationship but it’s not due to lower libidos, rather boredom with the same man. The men are basically content with what sounds like “maintenance sex” so of course they do nothing and keep their effort low. Notice all the effort many men make with partners is asking... that’s it. And if “denied”.... well now it’s the woman’s issue. But the women aren’t being satisfied and are the ones to make effort to “sp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 08:30 PM
34

I remember reading something like a day in the life of Adriana Lima and this is exactly what it was. Her normal everyday revolved around beauty and included several 2-3 hour workouts. I also noticed how they try to reduce stress (massages and meditation and naps, etc). That’s an underestimated variable in aging, IMO. And their diets get super strict before a runway show because they don’t actually look exactly like that year round. And too many men want that look plus being the cool girl who is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:31 AM
12

Yep their whole lives revolve around creating and maintaining their beauty. And I’m not hating... they’re making good money and they’re putting in the effort for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/05/20 04:19 AM
6

💯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:24 PM
51

They often blame their mothers for “driving” their dad away and will excuse their father’s infidelity. I’ve seen that attitude so much, it’s scary. And how sad as a single mom to make so much sacrifice only to have your son scorn you. That’s why you don’t do self-sacrifice!!! The best thing is to always value yourself, because you teach self-esteem to the girls through example and value of women to the boys through your self-esteem. I’m not going to qualify this by saying you shouldn’t be a self…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:23 PM
44

This is it. It’s playing dumb because they don’t want to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 07:16 PM
32

Asking an ex what he wanted was one of the best things I ever did. I was pickmeisha years ago and had deluded myself about a particular future with this man. Oh he wanted a future too, but very different terms. When I flat out asked him what he wanted, he finally admitted it (marriage... but to a woman who’d support his unemployed butt and live with his parents). It can be hard to get a straight answer at first, so the best way is what you did. Keep redirecting back to it until they answer fully…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 06:29 PM
27

Same! I’m like “ok I wish you the best”. They expect crying and begging and perhaps bending to their will (if they’re bluffing, which they often are).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 06:21 PM
61

Yep. And even low value men who are crappy fathers still often want “the best” for their daughters. Why? Because it reflects on them! They tend to see their daughters as an extension of themselves. At worst they’ll be disinterested and wouldn’t have half this information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 02:20 AM
43

The post doesn’t sound like it’s written by a man who is probably in his 50s or older, given his daughter is 27. The phrasing and word choices.... nah. This is an angry ex of a woman who probably has perfectly reasonable standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 02:14 AM
8

Commitment is through action. You’re prioritizing someone and integrating them into your life. You have set clear intentions and demonstrated it in your behavior. Agreeing to be exclusive and even girlfriend titles are mainly ways for a man to mark territory so he doesn’t have competition. It doesn’t mean he feels emotionally committed to you. Any agreements or titles are formalities that come after commitment is shown with action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:55 AM
47

Try going to datingover30 sub (except really don’t) and suggest not being exclusive for the first few months and watch people lose it. What’s worse is it’s always pickmeishas defending fast coupling the most. It is NOT in a woman’s best interest to become exclusive quickly. They’ve been brainwashed to think men hold the keys to the relationship and that this is desirable ASAP because it shows he’s serious. Nope. Men want exclusivity so he doesn’t have to compete with other men because you will a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:47 AM
182

I don’t think this is anyone’s father. This is a LVM fantasy seeking to be validated on reddit. This is really about some ex girlfriend of a couch creature who wanted him to show basic personal interest in her (“constant attention”) and acquire some basic grooming (“change everything about him”). So he wrote a revenge fantasy where her own father gives her a wake up call as she is on the verge of spinsterhood at the ripe ol’ age of 27. Suuurrrrre...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/05/20 01:36 AM
10

Yes to this, especially the last sentence. Physical affection is more like hugs, hand holding, little touches on the arm, pats on the back, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 10:42 PM
13

Yes love languages is NOT about accepting that your partner shows love a particular way regardless of your needs. It’s about both partners understanding how the other experiences and gives love (and it doesn’t have to be in one manner), so they both meet each other’s needs. Distorting this to suggest a woman should completely adjust to a man’s preference is simply Reddit’s style.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 10:37 PM
8

True but is that just followers of those subs? Because people comment and vote in subs they don’t follow too. But I think pickmeishas will contribute to bias in favor of men anyway.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 10:31 PM
25

Or a preference for tall men. That’s just unreasonable!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 04:29 PM
25

Women HAVE personalities? And they differ?!! 🤯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 04:26 PM
6

This started many years ago when people were (rightly) mad that men weren’t involved with the pregnancy process. It was a way to make men get involved with pregnancy classes and doctor’s appointments and other preparations for the baby. It was basically reminding them, “it’s your baby too, so step up and take responsibility.” It was a very new-agey, sensitive guy attitude. Now it has become distorted and backfired. I’ve always hated the phrasing because, yeah, it’s illogical and dumb sounding, b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 05:22 AM
49

Yes we must vet a man before we commit to him. He commits first, both in feelings and action. The woman doesn’t get ahead emotionally or secretly hope he commits to her and picks her. It doesn’t mean a woman can’t desire a relationship or marriage (with the right man), just that she needs to stay in evaluation mode longer. Too many men are eager to commit because they don’t want to keep up the HV act for long and often simply can’t do it. The sooner they lock you down, the sooner they can return…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 05:07 AM
9

It’s the receding hairline and muffin top. Definitely that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 04:50 AM
42

Do you know how traumatic it is to have your wallet raped in a divorce? Of course they’re skittish to marry. Have some empathy! /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/20 03:20 AM
5

He has to love you more than he loves himself. You have to love yourself more than you love him, but your love for him isn’t necessarily less than his for you. It can be quite even given how much men tend to love themselves, hahaha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/20 08:47 PM
19

I honestly find women funnier in general though. My female friends are waaaaay funnier than almost any man I’ve ever met in person. The idea women aren’t as funny is a recent phenomenon though.... it’s a backlash to women increasingly being socially equal to men. Anyway.... regarding OP.... yeah, I don’t understand why people act horrified when women say something positive about themselves or have confidence in their abilities. Being humble doesn’t mean having low self esteem. And I find people …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 11:55 PM
46

Hair dye. My 70 yr old aunt has beautiful long thick golden blond hair. She colors it. The hair doesn’t have to get dry, wiry or brittle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 07:59 PM
21

LVM want women to believe that no man doesn’t watch porn. Keeping the low standards “normal” pushes women to accept these things, lower their standards and cross their own boundaries. A HVM has probably seen porn (who of us here haven’t?), but it doesn’t mean it’s a habit or something he would object to no longer using, even on occasion. It’s like the difference between someone smoking a pack of cigarettes daily and someone who smokes a rare cigar on a special occasion. The latter will probably …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/05/20 07:32 PM
22

Agreed. In addition to describing what you DO want, actually focus on it yourself. My simplistic illustration is if you’re looking for a red cup in a cupboard filled with blue cups, your brain will scan for red. If you’re simply thinking “I don’t want blue”, then you’ll nothing all the blue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/05/20 05:08 AM
41

On the flip side, they say “boys will be boys” as if these behaviors are innate to men and we must accept it or wind up “alone” as cat ladies (as if that’s so bad). That’s why signs of high value and low value need to be understood and used to vet. No “boys will be boys” excuse for low value men. There are men who are not that way, but LVM have successfully normalized crappy behaviors to keep expectations low. Also you probably notice the excuses men make and that their reasoning is often contra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 09:17 PM
16

People said that about George Clooney too. Then apparently he reached an age where he figured he better spawn some kids to look after him for when he becomes senile. So it seems maybe he was just an aging playboy who finally realized his own mortality. But instead of going for the youngest, hottest woman and disregarding accomplishments and intelligence, which the manosphere will claim men don’t care about (“a MaN wOUlD cHoOsE a HOt yOunG sMiliNg wAiTReSs oVeR a SMarT WomaN. WE doN’T CaRe AbOut …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 08:23 PM
28

Exactly. Leo was a stepping stone. They got what they needed from him to move up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 08:00 PM
46

The appeal is the boost to their modeling / acting career by being linked to him. It’s about marketing and networking for these young women. People think wealth is the biggest appeal, but it’s really the exposure his fame will bring. Most women won’t want something longterm with him either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/05/20 07:59 PM
38

It has to do with perceived risk to reward as well as supply and demand. There’s some truth IMO. I’ve seen this same idea worded as men being the gatekeepers for relationships (incl marriage) and women being the gatekeepers for sex. There’s a lot of supply of sexual partners for women but the demand is lower because of the risks and low expectations for pleasure with a strange partner, thus making women choosier. Men have lower supply but higher demand because it’s not as risky and reward expect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 11:50 PM
44

A man posting that on reddit would get plenty of sympathy. People would defend that he can’t help what he’s attracted to. Oh sure he’d be called shallow by some, but people would mostly give him advice on how to communicate to her “gently” that she should hit the gym because it’s killing his boners. The almighty boner will always win. Meanwhile, women will be shamed for having any basic physics preferences. If we settle, then we’re awful, but if we don’t, then we’re too picky.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 09:14 PM
24

They’re trying to hide their bad jawline. It’s either a weak chin they’re trying to build up or a fat face they’re trying to define since the jaw got lost.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 08:54 PM
115

They eat out a lot, and when they don’t, they eat sandwiches and instant noodles, yeah. I’ve dated the “guy who cooks” and it’s worse though. They expect applause and will only cook with their special fancy ingredients and for an audience. The everyday, thankless cooking still falls on the woman. She has to budget and work with what’s in the house (I call this “mom cooking”). Then he’ll have the audacity to tell people he’s the cook in the family. There are men who know how to cook who aren’t li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 07:15 PM
13

Agreed. Although I’d say that all true fetishes are unhealthy and possibly a sign of a larger emotional illness issue. Sometimes people use fetish to mean a turn-on or a preference, which isn’t the same thing. Fetishes focuses on an object or objectify a partner. They’re inherently selfish and detached. fetish: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/20 02:01 AM
1

I haven’t read the rules. So I can’t say for sure but I’ll tell you my impression of how they’re different... My impression is that the rules is about following standards and setting standards with the aim to get the man to respond in a particular way. End goal is to lock him down in marriage. FDS is more about behaviors which stem from prioritizing your needs and desires and upholding your own value, and how the man responds is on him. Your behavior is about you, not eliciting reactions or beha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 05:32 PM
16

Correct. Delaying sex is not a manipulative strategy to nab a man. Its about what’s in your best interests. Reward to risk ratio isn’t in your favor early on. Sex leads to emotional attachment for most women and keeps us from being more objective in evaluating a man. But I also think HVM don’t really want sex early on. They may take it if handed to them but they are attracted more to the woman who prioritizes her own interests first. Acknowledging this doesn’t mean nabbing a man is the motivatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 06:12 AM
81

It keeps getting sooner and sooner. 20 years ago date 5 was the expectation. Then it lowered to date 3. Now it’s 2 dates? And yeah, the virgin-whore complex is strong with men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/05/20 05:34 AM
2

That doesn’t exist
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/20 05:09 AM
16

I haven’t noticed decreased interest either. I’m mid 30s and get more attention than ever. I have noticed diminished quality in male peers. So I am the one putting the breaks on relationships with men eager to wife me and reproduce. When I was younger, dating helped me figure out what I wanted. What personality traits, what lifestyle, what dynamic, etc. Now I know and I’m just vetting. So I hold off on anything serious until I’ve got enough info to see if I want to move forward. I have no doubt …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/20 05:35 PM
5

r/badwomensanatomy
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/20 05:16 PM
5

If it’s not about marriage then women’s options will shoot up considerably. Because if they’re not looking for marriage or to start a family, then TONS of young men will be open to dating an older woman. Many even have fantasies about it. And then older men will still date them too. I’ve observed older women discuss dating among themselves and their most common complaint is all the attention from younger men, but they’re not looking for a boy toy. They complain that the men are either too young …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/20 05:13 PM
3

Anything!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 03:51 PM
32

Spoiler - they think all their chakras are in their dick and they’re actually up at 5am masturbating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 07:15 AM
88

First stop identifying as low value. Second it’s all in the mind. When you change how you think, you will naturally have different behaviors, ones which honor your own value and communicate it to others. Right now your thoughts are probably like an untrained puppy running amuck through the house (your mind) and destroying all your stuff. Puppy isn’t “bad”, it just has to be trained. There are many ways to train the mind. Meditation is simple. Cognitive behavioral therapy techniques. Journaling. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 06:49 AM
7

1 - You got ahead of him in the relationship. Worrying is saying “pick me!”. But don’t beat yourself up because you dodged a bullet. 2 - neg 3 - seeing how much you will tolerate. How much of a pickmeisha are you? Enough to put up with his crap? Also preemptively letting you know he can’t afford anything you’d ever want. 4 - see #3. Also are you ride or die chick who will tolerate his BS for as long as you’re convenient to him? 5 - keeping you at a distance because he wasn’t looking to deepen re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/20 05:53 AM
17

THIS. No interest in you as a person. You’re an audience, an ego boost, a trophy, a convenience. You as an individual person don’t matter to these men. This is extremely obvious in how they date. No interest in anything about you that doesn’t directly benefit them That’s why so many men will say they don’t care abut a woman’s job or education or anything she’s accomplished. And they only care about your hobbies and interests insomuch as they match his own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 05:08 PM
6

I thought the same. I hadn’t considered the implications before. It’s a weird way of excusing men. It normalizes unhealthy selfish immature behavior as if it’s somehow biological. It’s just more “boys will be boys” but these are adult MEN.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 04:58 PM
111

Came across this article recently in a discussion about people not showing personal interest via questions in dating. Nice to see the acknowledgement that it’s more of a male phenomenon (wOMeN dO It ToO!). So a man pays $5 for some coffee and gets $300 worth of therapy for it... but women are the users. Ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 03:18 PM
83

A fair amount of so-called gold diggers are merely pragmatic. They’ve added up the cost of their labour and are seeking someone who can actually afford it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 03:10 PM
8

I don’t think a man is HV if you have to train him. You’re setting up a mother-child dynamic and he will always fallback on “being clueless”. It’s an excuse used over and over for men (especially in Reddit dating subs) - “lol us guys are dumb and we can’t read minds”. It’s also part of “boys will be boys” - he gets a pass on emotional labour because he’s just being a man. How many men have to train their adult girlfriends to be thoughtful and have empathy? Also these “clueless” men manage to mak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 07:27 AM
17

Yes it’s really odd. I experienced this as opposed to the controlling type. It’s jealousy directed at you as if he’s comparing himself to you. An ex of mine was jealous I was a college grad and he wasn’t. Jealous I had made a career out of something he dabbled in as a hobby. He’d make cracks to belittle my accomplishment. He was jealous of me when men paid attention to me only because women didn’t hit on him - literally he complained how he didn’t get attention like I did. It wasn’t insecurity a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 07:18 AM
7

A family member has a husband who did this to her. During the times she managed to lose weight and get fit, he’d go out of his way to sabotage her. He’d suddenly be so “thoughtful” and buy her favorite ice cream and literally spoon feed it to her, take over cooking and make huge fattening meals, start doing more around the house so she could relax, etc. The minute she was fat again, he’d go back to doing nothing. And it’s not because he preferred fat. You could see in every action that he was te…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/05/20 07:06 AM
1

Well I am not going to tell someone what is normal for them, but it is fairly normal for women in general to get turned on by looking at a physically attractive man. Obviously you’re experiencing that towards other men. So it’s definitely something you’re capable of. And it’s not shallow or wrong or weird. I posted that article because as women we’re told we’re not as visual sexually and that low libido is normal and our fault when reality is that the male partner isn’t sexy anymore. If fantasiz…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 05:06 PM
3

Attraction can wax and wane in a relationship for many reasons and a low period may not be a reason to end it. However unless someone really lets themselves go, it’s usually emotional factors that cause attraction to disappear if it was strong to begin with. There’s a surprising article noting that women may lose attraction faster and crave novelty more in a relationship than men (edit -article ). The problem is, as with all relationship work, it typically falls on the woman to “spice things up”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/05/20 04:34 PM
6

Filled with gems 🙌🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 07:51 PM
31

After reading this, I am glad my curiosity didn’t get the best of me and I didn’t click on the link. Thanks for the warning lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/04/20 07:43 PM
3

Men’s self-confidence. They can be fat, short, bald, old and broke and still think they’re a catch who is entitled to a hot partner. Men’s ability to self-validate and shamelessly meet their own needs first. Men think they are logical because they don’t question their own feelings. They automatically accept them as valid and have no qualms and feel no apology about asserting themselves to get their needs met. I have observed this in small boys... there is a mistaken idea that boys are less “emot…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/20 05:39 PM
8

Well I started doing meditation which is simple but not overrated. This helps create a mental habit to have a delay between an emotion and an (or a reaction). You allow the emotion to arise fully and experience it fully even if it’s uncomfortable. Don’t analyze it, explain it to yourself or justify it. Just be with it and accept it as a physical experience and a sign about your needs and desires. Typically an emotion is signaling a need is met (positive) or not met or even violated (negative). S…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 09:57 PM
12

It’s to hide their receding hairline. Be suspicious if online it’s all hat pics and one pic with hair that looks a decade old...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 09:42 PM
10

YES. I’ve noticed REALLY short men more typically have accepted it and can have a sense of humor and are fairly secure. It’s the slightly short around 5’7-5’8 who have the massive chips on their shoulders.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 09:38 PM
19

They haven’t seen a pair of boobs in person.... only porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 09:35 PM
13

Same here. Can relate to all of it. I think it gets lost in translation when women are told to “make a move”. It’s not direct initiating... you just have to appear emotionally attractive and available. That’s why you simultaneously will hear other women complain about men misinterpreting friendliness as flirting. That’s how little you have to do to “signal” interest. It’s really about emotional energy. Basically, get comfortable with your own emotions and feeling them fully (yes easier said than…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 08:50 PM
13

I think I did not have secure attachment but awareness of the tendency helps me navigate it so that now I will say I am consciously secure, in that I cultivate it and choose to be. I don’t fit neatly into one style category. Fearful-avoidant may be closest but it’s usually associated with abusive caretakers (which I did not have). So I would be drawn to the unavailable men but I don’t exhibit anxious behavior. Internally I would be too obsessed, but would pull back out of fear. I feared being co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 08:43 PM
22

Children who exhibit sexual behavior young were often abused.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 08:29 PM
28

This false dichotomy show these men have no experience with people. The attitude and terminology is immature too. What adult continues to define themself by these silly high school identities (they barely were relevant then)? IMO it is an excuse to not grow as a person. And these terms “Chads” and whatnot.... it’s not real. Don’t buy into these stories. High value people are well rounded. They take care of their bodies and develop their minds. Plenty of attractive men are also smart and kind. LV…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/20 04:55 PM
38

🤣 This is all the relationship and dating subreddits summed up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/20 11:56 PM
0

No. That’s why you get your legal stuff in order.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 11:16 PM
1

That’s not what I said. Don’t know how you got that from this. I mentioned setting boundaries very clearly. And if they aren’t in your life anymore then you wouldn’t rely on a male partner to “keep them away from you”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 08:28 PM
2

What isn’t? Not arguing with people about what’s inherently subjective?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 02:38 PM
27

Heal your trauma first so it’s not interfering with who you pick. High value people don’t have victim mentalities. Create boundaries with those people if they are still in your life. I recommend reading “The Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”. If a man is ever around them, let him see it for himself. Their dysfunction is about them now, not you. If they don’t display their dysfunction and he’s like “but they seem nice?”, just say something like “Yes I am able to enjoy them in certai…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 06:18 AM
33

And/or an audience
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 06:05 AM
10

LVM man thinking: Women go for hot rich jerks who abuse them!! Instead they should go for an ugly loser man like myself, who is nice because he is unsuccessful in life and that must mean he’s nice. A man like me, who will slowly kill a woman’s self esteem with his constant insidious negging, driving home the idea that no one will ever love her better than him because he’s too ugly to actually attract another woman and cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:57 AM
20

Yes it’s symbolic. It’s part of the mating dance. Males compete for the females. They show off their strengths and display resources, showing they are able and willing to provide. Females observe and choose the best bet for the benefit of herself and any offspring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/20 05:47 AM
181

Also, don’t believe excuses like: He is too shy, he has anxiety, or he lacks confidence. If he hasn’t sorted out those issues then they will cause other problems in a relationship. He is not ready for a relationship emotionally. I’ve seen the most shy men propel themselves into action when it’s someone they really want. If he’s so shy or low in confidence that he cannot pursue the woman he wants, then he’s that way in many areas of life and probably an all around loser. And I say this as someone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/20 06:52 PM
19

California is a big state. You can live within driving distance to the fun stuff and leave all the headache there when you go home. And I am willing to pay more taxes given our quality of living is higher than many states which pay less. I think maybe a Canadian will understand that idea. Anyhow cities are a blast when you’re young, single and child free. Post age 30 or so, usually a slower pace and being a bit closer to nature feels better. I’m guessing the movies take this idea and really expl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 08:30 PM
51

My real life friends are like this. Seriously FDS talk is how I thought most woman talked when they were among women they had genuine friendships with and could trust to be honest with... But then in retrospect I have close family who aren’t like this and I realized I don’t talk that way around other women, not because I don’t consider them friends but because they would get offended and judge me (pains me to say it - but they’re pickmeishas).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/20 08:24 PM
21

Also that he would go from manipulative crazy stalker to perfect model husband and not show any sign of his true colors for yeeeaars.... sure. It sounds like a bad Lifetime movie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 07:59 PM
14

This is admirable and you’re smart. And this also shows that JuST cOmmUniCatE really only works if the man is HV. HVM will care how you feel. Communicate once and he will look for a solution to meet both your needs. LVM will deflect or make promises and do nothing. HVM don’t want or need mommying. Set standards and give them space to be an adult and it will get done. They do that at work, where they are typically paid more and manage to figure out how to do stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 07:20 PM
16

Actually it’s spending less energy. And you’re putting more towards yourself. Instead of picking up after him, you’re getting your nails done. Etc. And you’re learning to honor your feelings and let your behavior be in line with them. If you don’t want to do something, then you don’t do it. Communicate with action, as men do. Initially the time period may be annoying as he waits for you to break. But that could prevent YEARS of resentment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 07:12 PM
23

That means they don’t care about your feelings. So mirror him and cease to care about his needs and comforts. Sometimes men care more when you phrase it as a “turn off”. Remember no JADE. You don’t need to be right or justified, just turned off. You can’t help being turned off. He will discover this when he wants you to turn on - “I can’t stop thinking about those dirty dishes you left in the sink. I can’t get in the mood when the house is a mess.” Typically you’re supposed to vet for that attit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 06:58 PM
10

My step-dad is exactly the same. I believe he is mentally ill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 06:37 PM
21

Yeah I have seen some comments here that despite strict vetting, a LVM can perhaps put up an act beyond 1-2 years before displaying his true nature. And sure, it’s a reality that people can change (often for the worse). But I really don’t believe there were zero signs. I believe that once you take off pickmeisha lens, start honoring your own responses (ie being turned off, feeling uneasy) and make no exceptions to your standards that few fakers will able to slip by. FDS outlines how to do this, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 06:14 PM
14

I mostly agree about being wary of men locking you down too soon (it’s so they can drop the HVM act and revert to their normal LVM ways), but I don’t think living together is very FDS. I understand why some go that route, feeling they need to see what he is like to live with, but I wouldn’t do anything wifey until you’re married or at least engaged with a date set. If marriage isn’t for you, then sure, live with a man. But you’re at high risk for being the forever girlfriend if you live with him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/20 01:59 AM
65

Oh yeah.... I almost forgot how many men will insist women just cry to manipulate them. It’s some kind of ego response to try and protect themselves from ever seeing their own hand in anything. They never hurt anyone and are never wrong - the woman is simply overreacting and being manipulative.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 09:45 PM
51

They feature this a lot in Hollywood movies too. Woman is upset and crying, man friend comforts her, they end up sleeping together. It’s making it seem to romantic to basically take advantage of someone in a vulnerable moment, not to mention, upset doesn’t shift gears to horny that quickly for most women. Anyhow, the most optimistic interpretation I can think of is he goes into protective mode as the vulnerability of you crying makes him feel all manly and strong. That triggers a sexual attracti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 09:04 PM
217

And his imagined potential hookups were probably all young women merely being polite and friendly that his over inflated ego had misinterpreted as flirting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 08:50 PM
26

Yeah the abundance mentality is more about yourself. The idea is men aren’t the source of happiness or feeling full in life. That said, the quality of men improves when you shift the mindset. You still have to vet heavily and may encounter many men who are 80% there but not quite what you want, but all it means is you’ve increased your own sense of value and thus are attracting higher quality men. Defining what you want with no excuses or apologies helps too. It creates a sort of mental filter s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 06:09 AM
99

This reminds me of that Richard Pryor bit: “Women know they got the pussy, man. They know we like it too. They know it. I mean, they know. The bottom line: Women know. ‘I got the pussy And it’s good’. Cause there ain’t no such thing as bad pussy, right? If there are ladies here tonight think they got a bad pussy… I’d like to see you after the show. I’d like to give a second opinion.” Straight from the horse’s mouth. If a man belittles you, then it’s because he’s insecure. In reality, you have th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 05:26 AM
39

Men want you to think their being physically unattractive somehow means they’re better people. Nope. And pickmeishas think it means he’ll appreciate you more. Nope. You will still be taken for granted, and on top of it, he’s ugly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 05:01 AM
26

That web site showing the wide range of normal breasts was wonderful for this. I forget what it is called... I have come across lesser known sites which do something similar with vulva.* People are so woefully ignorant of women’s anatomy. The myth about vaginas being “stretched out” annoys me the most. I can’t believe it’s still being perpetuated in this day and age... *And yes they were run by women and set up as educational, not pornographic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 04:52 AM
36

BuT hE’s a NiCe GUy In GeNerAL Proceeds to describe someone lacking basic empathy who is emotionally abusive and also can’t detail exactly how he is ever “nice”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 04:41 AM
92

And then they claim they’re the rational sex. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 04:38 AM
5

For real. A man wanting sex with you means very very little. Also - there are physically beautiful women who are treated like trash by men. Tons of celebrity examples of that. Possibly the most beautiful women in the world and they’re still pickmeishas with LVM (no matter how rich or good-looking). And them I’ve seen plenty of rather homely women in relationships with good men who adore them. Being high value isn’t about being good looking. It does involve self care which stems from self respect…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/20 03:53 AM
39

I don’t know exactly what that is, but first step is drop the mentality. Don’t identify with it. Start changing your self talk and what you believe to be true about yourself. And level up. Make the most of what you’re working with. The focus needs to be on you enjoying your life not trying to get men to chase you. Men will do what they do naturally when you’re loving yourself and they want to be around that energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 06:50 AM
17

I’m not much shorter than 5’9 so that doesn’t work on me. I’ve met a lot of men who claim to be my height and are more like 5’6 though....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/20 05:47 AM
18

I had an ex say once “so you are like other women after all”. What a lame neg, because it was definitely meant as a criticism. And guess what thing I had in common with those other women that he was lamenting? STANDARDS. The men who want the “cool girl” aka doormat seek women who don’t hold them to any standards or who don’t have anything about them that doesn’t directly benefit the man. These men act like women on the whole are demanding or frivolous when it’s simply that these men don’t want a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 11:38 PM
44

ShE CoULd’Ve COmMUnicAteD iF sHe waNTeD a PaNcaKe tOo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/20 11:14 PM
11

Or we hold people to stuff they said 10 years ago. People can change and grow. I’m a believer in that. Why a LVM probably won’t as far as a woman is concerned and why you shouldn’t give him a second chance when he claims to have changed is a lengthier discussion though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 05:08 PM
43

Well, people make mistakes and have minor flaws that can reoccur, but asking for nudes is not a mistake. It was deliberate and conscious the very first time. And it stems from a deep personality flaw that makes a person deliberately disrespect others for their own gain, not a minor blind spot that leads to human error despite good intentions. And that basically sums up all LVM behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 05:05 PM
2

This is the best answer. The woman puts on the brakes and paces - and it gives you insight to how he responds to boundaries, especially not getting his way (ie not being available as much as he’d like to see you). Although I agree with the FDS handbook that if you’re not engaged within 1-1.5 years then it’s not happening and that a date should be set (and a not a ridiculously long engagement).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 07:30 AM
12

That was what turned me off to a guy I briefly dated recently. All his conversation revolved around what he consumed - movies, TV, music, food. Nothing wrong with any of that.... but when I asked him about his talents and what motivated him in life, he had no answer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 07:21 AM
8

Gotta remember to link this when men post the “but men tooooo!” comments whenever a hardship common to women is brought up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:52 AM
43

This was essentially asked on some subreddit (can’t remember what) and most misinterpreted it to mean would they date themselves if they were a woman (ie the female version of themselves). Because they think they’d like their male personality in a woman’s body* and that all that matters is a woman’s looks, they mostly said yes. Many jokes about getting a boob job, of course. I can’t recall an answer that tried to imagine being a woman dating themselves as they are. It’s like they could still onl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:41 AM
9

He’s probably not 36 and doesn’t look it. Of course some men hit the wall HARD in their 30s, but this is especially rough. Probably closer to 46 while looking 56.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/20 06:29 AM
7

This style of intermittent reward to get someone working hard for you still ends up in high turnover... same with many LVM who take that strategy. They don’t tend to have long relationships, but constant turnover of new women because no one wants to stick around for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/20 05:59 AM
5

Fellini but Goddard is good too. And they both reveal LVM hang-ups (probably not the intention), haha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 10:50 PM
7

Yes this is definitely it. For me I felt some kind of inspiration with certain people, that feeling that life’s higher possibilities were suddenly available to me. So it’s really a future vision I created. It’s about me being who I want to be and living the life I want - not about the man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:50 PM
5

Would love to see a post on this 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 09:46 PM
29

Yep high turnover is always a symptom of this attitude. Lol and interestingly it’s the same with men. They will be serial daters...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:36 PM
39

I remember reading that famous book by Stephen Covey “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. A fair amount of time, compromise isn’t even necessary in life. You can find a win-win if you don’t view it as “I’m giving up X to please someone”. There’s instead the idea of synergy - where the whole is more than the sum of its parts. You create a mutually beneficial solution by combining strengths and finding how differing needs can complement vs one person getting their way. Because it is co-created, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:30 PM
30

The company I work for just started that raffle thing with the min wage tier staff. They get raffle entries every time their team gets high performance review scores; reviews which are also done randomly.... I didn’t realize this is where it came from! TBH they weren’t going to get crap anyway, even if the company didn’t give out prizes. Some have already caught on and are like “who cares, I’d rather get a raise.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 08:11 PM
5

Well this sub IS about dating strategy. Why would we want to date any man if there weren’t any who were quality? The OP expresses that being male isn’t inherently a problem. It’s the way these male individuals choose to be. It’s not hating men, but low value behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 05:54 PM
4

“Respect is a construct” 🤣 Yeah no duh. Pretty sure civilization is a construct too, as a way to ensure basic human needs are met (ie safety and security). That argument sounds like oh so clever 8 year old me lecturing my mom on my philosophy of why making the bed is a waste of time and irrational. Yeah, he should’ve matured past that DECADES ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 05:42 PM
2

Good post. But I do want to claim my credit for originally adapting the Anna Karenina principle to FDS 😝😅.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/20 05:38 PM
17

At least she woke up. A lot of pickmeishas double down. They love the “incompetent but superior man” idea because it implies women are needed by men and that’s where they get their worth. They don’t see the illogic of men getting more benefits as if superior yet being seen as incapable of wiping down a sink or driving kids to school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 09:02 PM
74

Anything pushy* or becoming annoyed if you don’t gush back. Levels of emotion expressed that don’t match the actual level of emotional intimacy or trying to push for emotional intimacy before you even know factual info (they want to create attachment before you discover dealbreakers). *Example - It’s not flattering if he wants to be exclusive after a date or a few even. It usually signals insecurity and he wants to remove competition so you put up with the crap he’s about to introduce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 08:54 PM
19

I was the senior level person for 3 years in my department and I have a BA. They bring in a new guy out of high school (no college), a fraction of my skills and experience, and he asks for what I made and got it! I KNOW it’s because he’s male. This was years ago. I left the company shortly after. The business was falling apart and when I left, my former department nose-dived and it was the nail in the coffin and they went out of business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 08:44 PM
13

And those memes where dads put kids in dangerous situations or act clueless and it’s all fun and games.... But if people see a photo of a mom and her child and there’s some potential but unlikely semi-hazard then she will be bombarded with unsolicited advice and shaming comments. It’s cute when dad screws up though. Dad gets to be the “fun parent” while mom is the work horse that gets beat for any misstep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 08:40 PM
15

Women are shamed out of having physical preferences, yes. And we are told attraction is totally emotional for us, but that we have lower libidos and that’s why we don’t want sex with the ugly males. And then men try to use moral obtuseness as an excuse to not be able to tell the difference between being predatory and sexy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 07:29 PM
20

If he’s hanging out with people like that, then he’s not a HVM. At the very least he doesn’t respect himself. Lie die with dogs, get up with fleas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 05:14 PM
29

Yes LVM want a mommy. They like that manchild and mommy dynamic with their partner. You become responsible for their health and well-being and they have fun acting like the little bad boy who gets away with stuff sometimes. 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 05:11 PM
36

Right. I’m visual and think hot men are hot to look at. But this seems predatory and not sexy. Like a flasher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/20 05:02 PM
21

Work on being so turned off by this that you aren’t even curious enough to keep engaging in conversation the second it makes you slightly uncomfortable. Not to teach him a lesson, but because you prioritize yourself - it’s not enjoyable for you and you’re free to choose to shift your focus to something you actually like. This is subtle shift but it’s significant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 05:05 PM
36

There was a lot of this crap on reddit around the holidays and I’m surprised I haven’t seen it now with the quarantines. Basically men bemoaning having to spend time with their family and own children and trying to sneak off to play video games until their “nag” of a wife catches them and makes them participate. Meanwhile who was doing all the work? The wife. Why did these men get married to their wives? Why have kids? They don’t even like them. It’s all for social status and having an exclusive…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/20 07:26 AM
7

I’m not surprised women get bored faster either https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/13/a-strong-libido-and-bored-by-monogamy-the-truth-about-women-and-sex
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 11:52 PM
11

Are you me too? Honestly when younger I did suffer from a melancholy outlook. I wasn’t clinically depressed but I tended to be in love with sadness, which made me sluggish and prone to self sabotage. Then I stopped being romantic about that and decided I wanted to be happy. And it wasn’t that hard. I just read some books and implemented some new routines (usual stuff - regular meditating, exercise, diet, changing “thought habits”) and now I’m a happy, optimistic person. This is ironically what k…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/04/20 11:47 PM
24

That is called being friends. It’s been normalized because women’s tastes are invalidated. I have experienced this with many men I’ve dated and it is because I had settled. There are men who physically turn me on. They have good bodies, which isn’t that hard for a man to achieve, and they have good hygiene and grooming in addition to being cool people . But like most women, I have been pushed and shamed into giving men “a chance” because he seems like a “good guy”. The scarcity mindset here is r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 08:02 PM
18

Meh. Men too often use this as an excuse to not take care of themselves and physical attraction for women gets marginalized. Yes, be turned off by a man who doesn’t treat you well, no matter how hot. But men still need to make effort in their appearance and not get mad when gorgeous women don’t want to date them based on “personality”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 07:55 PM
20

No personal interest. Asking no questions showing curiosity about you. The pen pal guy who doesn’t even seem to want sex, just attention. Asking / texting “how are you” and when you respond with a brief answer that still has plenty of information to prompt follow up questions / comments, they barely acknowledge it and then switch the conversation back to themselves. You start to realize they know far less about you than you do about them. And you realize it’s bread-crumbing for attention. One gu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 05:47 PM
12

I had a male friend who claimed to be in love with me for years. I let him take me out to dinner - gave him a shot. He commented on how gorgeous the waitress was. Dude, you just shot yourself in the foot. In public, he’d always gawk at other women and wondered why I was never interested in him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/20 05:34 PM
31

But men sure expect you to give a lot of empathy to them.... they are typically massive hypocrites when it comes to solutions vs sympathy for themselves. When they are upset, it is VALID and someone should listen and not insult them by offering solutions (as if they hadn't thought of it). When someone else is upset, they want to end their own discomfort with it ASAP (not the other person's discomfort - their own), and so they'll offer overly simplistic advice to get the other person to shut up a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 05:36 PM
11

LVM can fake it well at first. That’s why we must stay in evaluation mode for awhile and delay exclusivity too. I notice LVM who fake it push for couple status fast, because once you’re exclusive to them they feel they can quit spending money on dates and putting effort in their appearance and instead just throw on sweatpants to netflix and chill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/20 02:45 AM
4

Occasional initiation is fine once you’ve been on a few dates IMO (but go read the handbook). Remember that men perceive women as talking more than they do, even when the man talks more. Same with texting IME. So messaging first about 40% of the time will be seen as “more”. Knock it down to about 30% and it will feel fairly even. Around 20% makes sure he is pursuing you. Personally, when a man is in pursuit of me, I don’t get much chance to initiate even if I wanted to. Sometimes their LV starts…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 12:22 AM
9

Build yourself up so this behavior naturally turns you off and you’re too bored with it to even think about giving chances.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/20 12:00 AM
14

Let him plan dates. That’s part of vetting him. A HVM will feel out your tastes and strive to impress you. A LVM will see what he can get away with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:59 PM
11

HV is how you feel about yourself and what you accept because of it. Even beautiful, talented, wealthy celebrity women can be pickmeishas and date/marry LVM. So yes, any woman can become HV by recognizing and honoring her innate value in her words and deeds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:57 PM
3

I’m cool with directing people to the handbook. Pickmeishas need some direction. I read the other post differently, so yes when understood properly, I think we are all on the same page. 👍🏻
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:35 PM
16

Yes and women always need to CoMmUNicAte. And if she has communicated, then she needs to TRy aGAiN. Whereas men simply need to move on and the right woman will come along eventually. 🙄 The misogyny on dating over 30 is pretty bad. Women are expected to do it all. Aaaaalll the emotional labor. Because men are sooo “dumb”. But they’re smart enough to get paid more on average and hold more positions of power. Ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:12 PM
5

Well that’s what this forum is. A separate sub for women to ask about their specific relationships isn’t necessary. They can ask here or reread the handbook. Most issues stem from not vetting according to FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:08 PM
7

Ugh I remember when the reddit pickmeishas would claim they found Seth Rogan hot because it’s all about personality and cuddly dad bods for them 🤮. You’ll never hear that expressed about a female comedian of equal ugliness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 11:02 PM
5

Sometimes they are actually attracted to the overweight woman but they know that her confidence will make them repulsive to her. It’s reject before they can be rejected strategy. See also “nagging”. And LVM hate on confident fit women too. Anyone who has the self esteem to reject them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/20 10:56 PM
49

Being educated and able to support ourselves financially means women have little incentive to be in a relationship with a LVM. In countries where women have these opportunity, age of marriage rises and birth rates drop. I feel this is where a lot of instinctual, subconscious opposition to feminism comes from, even in men who consciously claim to support equality. Many men don’t want true equal opportunity for women because then we won’t be dependent on them and won’t put up with their BS. So men…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 08:40 PM
14

It really doesn’t make sense when you consider that it’s daughters who typically maintain relationships with and care for parents as they age. Gone are the days when you needed a male heir to inherit your land and to provide financially in your old age. Now a daughter is your better bet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 08:17 AM
38

Yes... and a tendency to be attracted to men who specifically trigger the anxiety because there’s something about them that reminds you (subconsciously perhaps) of someone who didn’t meet your needs properly in the past. The anxiety can feel exciting but also be a warning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 02:21 AM
44

Men who give you their number and tell you to call them instead of asking for yours 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/20 12:38 AM
17

I’ve always done this on the internet. I also don’t use a screen name I use anywhere else or anything close to one I use. The one issue is if you’re not consistent with details, you could encounter some jerk Redditor who peruses your post history and spots your “lie” and accuses you of trolling. Just know that could happen. Hasn’t happened to me but I’ve seen it happen to others.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 04:31 PM
15

Too many of these men show up well at first then pull the ol’ bait and switch. After months of dating they want to be exclusive and then it’s down hill from there. LVM can put on a good act for awhile... they’re getting you to emotionally invest and commit so it’s harder to be decisive later. And it works... because when I think about cutting them loose or actually do it, everyone is like “you’re too picky!”. My family* will like the guy and even side with him... So it becomes hard to get decisi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/20 05:13 AM
4

Also notice how he responds to you giving a viewpoint or information that’s new to him vs how he responds when it comes from another man. Lots of those “nice guys” are LVM who aren’t so nice as passive, and they please as a means to get what they want from you, but deep down they don’t respect you (or themselves). They’ll always defer to other men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 07:03 PM
9

Which shows it’s not about money so much but lifestyle and interests. People want someone they can relate to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:03 PM
53

They’re so shameless and blind to how gross they are, I thought this was an actual quote for a second. 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 05:43 PM
14

Husband earning more doesn’t mean they don’t need her income too. Interesting how you see free time for a woman as time to give to bonding.... and yet so many men use their free time to play video games, ignoring their children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 05:20 PM
17

It’s what’s considered normal in western culture, so I do have sympathy. Women are socially molded and guilt tripped into these roles. The whole point of a forum like this is to discuss and support why it shouldn’t be normal and how to avoid the trap ourselves. But I don’t find the article suggesting this is women’s lot - its shining light on how lopsided it is. If you want men’s viewpoints and to see such women degraded, then read the rest of Reddit. The article refers to various studies that h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 05:18 PM
47

It’s not FDS to pay when dating but we’re all individuals and this isn’t a cult, lol. Personally I notice HVM who are into you and see you as wife material are embarrassed for you to pay. They won’t hear of it. And if he suddenly lets you pay then he’s showing his true low value nature (some will pass as HVM for a time - that’s why you must stay in evaluation mode for awhile) and/or he’s losing interest and you’re falling into the “for now girl” category. The paying is symbolic which is why FDS …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:59 AM
38

“High maintenance” is a neg. They’re insulting you to try and get you to lower your standards because that’s the only way they’d ever have a chance with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/20 06:49 AM
5

My philosophy: it’s humble to say “no”, not selfish. Presuming they need you suggests they’re not a capable adult who can manage their own affairs and emotions. It also suggests that they don’t have other friends/family/coworkers who can aid them if really needed. Basically you’re not so important that saying no will devastate them. I’m not saying to never give to or help others, but not to the point of depleting yourself when someone else is an able-bodied adult.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 01:29 AM
13

When it impedes others’ well-being and you’re not contributing to whatever you’ve committed to (ie job, family). When you self care properly, you’re able to give quality without being depleted. But don’t confuse that with your being responsible to care for others, unless it’s a child or elderly person, and even then don’t baby unnecessarily. And evaluate commitments and if they’re mutually beneficial. Others are responsible to care for themselves first too. Then everyone is able to contribute fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/20 12:24 AM
82

The famous Tolstoy novel opener aka the Anna Karenina principle applies: “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Same principle for men regarding relationships: “All high value men are alike; each low value man is low value in his own way.” That’s why the rest of reddit loves to spew “not all men”; sure, not all men cheat or are cheap and obviously awful, etc, but that doesn’t mean they’re high value. Your LVM can definitely be genuinely faithful and even f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 08:58 PM
48

It’s because men don’t hit on you when you want it. It’s all about vibe. That’s why women who complain about getting hit on constantly get hit on - they don’t want to meet anyone. Their vibe says they’re into themselves, not eager to nab a man. They also send the message that women don’t want to be approached because they themselves don’t like it, and it gets confirmed to men because these are inevitably the women they approach. And women who wouldn’t mind men approaching them because they’d lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 06:33 PM
28

Getting a “free dinner” still doesn’t make a date worth my time and effort if a man is low value. As if we can’t afford dinner 😂.... They don’t understand the strategy here is about vetting men, not getting anything for free and definitely not becoming dependent on a man. The man paying is simply symbolic and about his attitude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/20 12:47 AM
3

Men care men about what other men think about them than what women think about them (or how women feel). My dad worked occasionally brought us (his daughters) to his all-male workplace, and I remember his male colleagues making crass comments about women’s bodies and vulgar sex jokes. I could sense conflict in my father via his body language and vocal tone, because he knew we were within ear shot, but he also didn’t want to be the downer with the guys. Invariably he’d end up caving to peer press…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 07:56 PM
163

Or thinking it will feel good to say something sassy and he’ll finally realize how horrible he was and live with pain and regret the rest of his life. Nope. It will simply reinforce his comforting delusion that you’re a “crazy bitch” and he’ll feel more justified with his bull shit. Meanwhile you wasted emotion on him and allowed your mental peace to be disturbed. This goes for schooling men on dating apps and in texts when they’re rude. Yes the snappy response makes for a great screen shot to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 05:19 PM
89

They conveniently forget another reason women-specific stuff is created is because “man” is the assumed default for humans. Everything is created for men and their interests. Then later stuff is set up with women’s needs in minds, particularly to protect them from the potential exploitation, abuse and discrimination from men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/20 05:11 PM
49

A woman who has low standards and whose actions say “pick me! pick me!” because she thinks she needs to win a man over due to low self esteem. This may be helpful: https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wiki/glossaryofterms?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 05:35 AM
48

Just holding men to their own standards. They want women to look a certain way while simultaneously belittling the cosmetic enhancements necessary to look that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 04:31 AM
77

Awww I didn’t know Grimes was still with him and pregnant on top of it... Poor little pickmeisha.... she’s much younger and this typical LVM took advantage of it. Just goes to show LVM can be filthy rich, although no HVM is a broke joke either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/20 04:27 AM
64

Don’t share it to begin with. If you get married then you can start merging stuff like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/20 08:06 PM
104

Yeah I saw this with my parents (commenting on the division of labour, not their sex life... ick). My dad would say he cleaned the kitchen... but he merely had washed the dishes. They don’t seem to understand what cleaning the home truly involves. Men wash dishes and run a vacuum and think they did 50% of the chores.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/20 10:02 PM
26

I love this. Let’s make this a standard response to the stupid master key analogy, just to show how stupid it is. Oh and that phrase “body count”... 🤢 Are these men rapists and serial killers to view it that way? Wait.... maybe they are 😱
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/20 04:03 PM
2

Depends on the age. I’m mid 30s. I actually didn’t have my first relationship until my mid 20s. I had dates but no official “boyfriend”. I’ve always been somewhat picky and yet still managed to be pickmeisha at times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 03:42 AM
5

When I was in my early 20s, I went on one date with a man who was over 35 because he physically had aged well (an anomaly) and did seem younger. He reacted negatively to the fact that my parents were divorced, as if it implied I may have “daddy issues”. In retrospect, I realize HE was likely the emotionally damaged one if he was mid 30s and dating girls in their early 20s. Now that I’m his age then, I see just how emotionally immature he was. He seemed younger because his mentality was stunted. …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 10:56 PM
23

Family always acts like I’m too picky and people think it’s a bit odd I go long periods being single because I’m considered a cool, attractive woman. But it’s because I vet so much. I won’t bother with a first date unless basic criteria is met, no exceptions. Then I go on few second dates because most fail there. I’ve only had 3 boyfriends. It ends at about the year mark or sooner because I won’t be the forever-girlfriend and that’s usually enough time for more insidious LVM traits to emerge. An…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:13 AM
1

They do have that need deep down, but if they’re a loser and can’t do it, then they’ll live off of you while simultaneously resenting you. The consumption is an attempt to fill a void. It’s being the man-child while you’re mommy, which probably seems appealing to them initially but they’re never truly happy that way. And if they haven’t cheated it’s only because they haven’t had the opportunity. The minute a lower status woman looks up to him, he’ll have an affair and blame it in you (“she negle…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 04:00 AM
4

Amazing point. They have the advantage here. This is why I think a man who is your socioeconomic equal will make more money. What is it women make - only 80 cents for every $1 a man makes? So yeah.... if he’s your true equal and carrying his own weight then he should be making more than you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 03:51 AM
3

They won’t want a pickmeisha anymore because they don’t really respect that. They’ll go for a woman who would’ve never dated him broke, not because she’s “better” than you, but because she knows she’s better than that and knows her own value. Basically, be that woman instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/20 03:47 AM
29

My mom is this way too. It’s always women’s fault. Unless it’s her life... then she’s a victim and her husband is terrible. And she acts like I’m impossibly picky if I am not romantically interested in a man who likes me, no matter what reasons I outline for her. She acts like marriage is the end-all be-all, even though she’s miserable in hers. All of her advice is basically her own life decisions - none of which worked out. I don’t understand this mentality. It’s almost like they want you to ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 05:33 AM
12

I met them online but used a more serious dating site where you have to fill full profiles out. I’m honest about what I’m looking for in my profile without seeming defensive and I keep it positive. I go with pretty not sexy photos. I never respond to men who don’t have well written profiles and good, clear photos and who don’t write a decent first message (no “hey” or anything canned). If they try to text more than a few days without planned a date then I cut them loose. Basically- vet, vet, vet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/03/20 02:37 AM
24

Yes I’ve had men fly from other countries to meet me. Just to meet. No guarantee of dating me.. I’ve had men fill my gas tank if I had to drive more than 20 min to meet for a date. More than 1 hour or so, and I’ve had them book me my own hotel room or arrange for me to stay in a guest house so I don’t have to drive back late and with zero pressure for sex, AND still give me gas money. These weren’t even necessarily HVM in every way either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 07:51 PM
10

Projection
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 07:39 PM
5

I’m also okay with a coffee “predate screening” if I met him online. I don’t want to waste my time (or money if he doesn’t pay) if he’s not what I was expecting. But all the other advice is spot on. And he absolutely must initiate and plan it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 03:25 AM
4

The awkward woman only gets a hot guy when she transforms into a hot woman, and that’s because she was actually already pretty and just wearing a frumpy sweater and had frizzy hair (see many Anne Hathaway movies).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 03:20 AM
18

Right. We’re doing the exact opposite. We’re being honest and seeking to weed out, not manipulating to trick anyone into dating us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 03:15 AM
3

Especially with someone who is already a mother. Besides the biological clock (IF we want kids), women have no reason to be concerned about aging and our sexual attractiveness. There will always be men lining up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 01:28 AM
3

Yes! As a childfree person I totally understand wanting to only date someone who is also childfree. BUT there’s no reason to insult someone. And don’t pursue anyone with kids to begin with! You’re NOT doing them a favor to deign to date them. Also you make it about yourself if they have a dealbreaker that isn’t a bad thing in itself - ie “you seem really cool, but honestly I want to stay childfree” not “I have reservations about you being a single mother”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 01:27 AM
9

I knew this in my gut. Interesting to see it confirmed. My family acts like I’m ridiculous for not wanting to date men who make less or even equal to what I make. I told them that a man who is my socioeconomico equal will make more because men are presumed to be better “leaders” and thus advance and earn more without necessarily being higher in anyway (ie education, experience, skills, etc). This is true in traditional female jobs too - men advance faster - so that squashes the idea that the dif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/20 12:44 AM
41

And in both cases you’ll likely be the “for now” girl until a woman he’s really into comes along and suddenly he’s motivated to pursue....her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:15 AM
19

This. What’s their excuse?! They get in shape waaaay easier than women. I’ve perused r/brogress and men start regularly working out for a few months and stop eating total junk and they transform into Greek gods. Out of shape men are just plain LAZY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/20 04:08 AM
40

My female cousins all met their husbands in college, BUT my uncle had a rule that they could only go out once a week on a date so they wouldn’t get distracted from their studies. With a dad like that you know that they were not accepting low value behavior. After all, it had to be a scheduled date (not a booty call). And yeah they all obviously lived at home during college. But all of them got engaged after graduating and were married by about age 23-24. All of them are married to HVM - legit go…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 03:43 AM
8

This point is waaaay under-emphasized. People point to celebrity men who were hot post age 30, but these were creme of the crop in their youth, literally the hottest men in the world, and even most of them hit the wall after 45.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 02:02 AM
18

Women are normal and our tastes age with us. I’m mid 30s and prefer a man within 5-8 years of my own age. When I was 20, I preferred someone in his 20s, and the closer to 30 the hotter he’d have to be. What’s funny is how it’s actually easier for women to go much younger if we wanted to (for sex anyway). But because we’re not creeps, we typically don’t. I can’t imagine a woman in her 40s trying to hook up with a 19 year old 🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 01:58 AM
14

Ugly men don’t necessarily have better character at all. Don’t fall for that trap. LVM want you to think hot men are jerks. A lot of physical attractiveness comes from healthy self esteem that leads men to take care of their bodies and groom well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 01:52 AM
6

Generosity with money and eagerness to provide are definitely not the only indicators but they have some significance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/20 12:11 AM
24

I usually end the conversation and tell them to let me know when they have some ideas. Typically before a date they’ve seen your dating profile which usually lists interests and/or you’ve discussed some interests and so they should be able to brainstorm off of that. Its not too hard to for them ask “what kinda stuff do you like to do?” as a general question. This is basic social skills... As a side, I prefer a quick coffee meetup as a pre-date screening if we meet on OLD. I’m not devoting a whol…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 12:53 AM
61

It’s just as bad when they can cook but have no concept of budgeting or using what’s on hand for everyday meals, instead only cooking when they can blow money on all their gourmet ingredients and play chef to an audience (ie dinner parties) so they can get applause and take credit as “the cook” of the house. The woman is still tasked with daily cooking, which he’ll criticize as he serves himself seconds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/20 12:40 AM
13

They’re not hot. Been to France. Didn’t spot one hot man the whole time. Sure they’re not fat like American men but they are scrawny and still manage to have bellies, ugly facial hair and all around plain features.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/20 07:13 AM
37

I can’t believe how the main point completely wooooshes over their heads. They think this comic is shaming women 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/20 11:49 PM
22

It’s just sex and no big deal until you accidentally get pregnant and he has to pay child support. Then he has been RAPED financially 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 11:26 PM
32

Back in the day I took this as a compliment. Every guy would say I was the most patient and understanding woman they ever dated. Of course that sounds like a wonderful compliment but it’s always in comparison to “other women” who of course did not put up with their BS as I was unwittingly doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 04:04 PM
17

You’re both agreeing then... men have an intellectual understanding but emotionally they’re not stirred by words aka they don’t care. IMO Men DO love women’s emotions, but when women feel good. HVM take action to see you happy and want you to prioritize yourself so you stay happy. They don’t want you to work to please them but to please yourself so they can bask in your glow. It doesn’t get to the point of paragraphs because when you’re initially shifting into a lower mood, you prioritize yourse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 07:34 AM
54

This. When men exhibit basic survival and adulting skills they want a gold medal. They cook sometimes, just like they “help out” around their own homes and “babysit” their own children. And when they cook they’ll spend twice the money on their fancy ingredients because it’s basically a hobby... and meanwhile the woman still gets stuck with the drudgery of daily cooking on a budget with whatever’s in the cupboard. And he’ll go around telling everyone he’s the cook in the family 🙄.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/20 07:18 AM
51

Also remember NO JADE No Justifying Arguing Defending Explaining I’d also add no teaching, scolding or training. Communication is about expressing unapologetically what you need and want and feel and shouldn’t require a therapy session to help him develop the empathy a 2nd grader has, nor should it require a drawn out defense of why subjective feelings are valid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/20 11:46 PM
22

You mean they had empathy and probably paid enough attention to you to understand you and often anticipate your wants and needs? That’s not spoiled. You’re right to expect that. Obviously communication is important but good communicators don’t only understand extremely direct verbal phrasing. I don’t have much advice for you on altering your behavior with someone you’re currently seeing. Perhaps next time just wait when the bill comes and don’t offer to pay. See how he acts. Definitely date othe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 06:08 PM
97

This is similar to what I’ve said in this forum before. It is a source of pride for men to provide for their partner and do things to make her happy and be the “hero”. That’s why when men don’t have this pride it signals low value - they actually feel bad about themselves and people who feel bad treat others badly. Those jokes about men wanting a parade when they do something simple like the dishes? Yep. Most men are seeking celebration for their actions, not for you to wait on them and take car…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:54 PM
55

You have to be willing to walk and he has to feel that energy. It can’t come from a place of desperation or manipulation. It’s has to be the honest feeling of knowing your worth and being genuinely turned off by someone who doesn’t treat you accordingly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:45 PM
36

Love this response. People seem to forget marriage and wedding rings are supposed to last a life time, so that’s why quality metals and stones are used. Of course marketing will play that up, but diamonds are truly the hardest substance out there. I also feel this way when people criticize traditionally feminine interests and hobbies as shallow or stupid as if stereotypically male hobbies aren’t. How is makeup more of a waste than video games? Interests and hobbies associated with femininity oft…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:43 PM
9

HVM absolutely court. I have a few guys courting me now. Just keep working on your inner sense of value. Men will start showing up who pursue you and wine you and dine you and respect you and are consistent. I haven’t planned one date because HVM show personal interest and get ideas of what you like from your conversations. And then you still take your time because you’re not desperate to jump into a relationship and you have options that are real options and not time wasters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:59 AM
7

I have men who pop up in my DMs every now and then for YEARS. Because they’re otherwise respectful and we actually have mutual acquaintances, I don’t block them, but I rarely respond much now. A man will be like, “hey we should meet up soon”. Me: “okay let me know what and when”. The man: “okay I’ll let you know”. Months later... rinse repeat conversation. Last few times a guy pulls this I gave such terse responses they went away before it even got to their pseudo offer to “meet up”. Now I’d giv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:52 AM
27

Or worse it’s an unpaid internship with a “start up”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/20 05:41 AM
20

That first paragraph - I do the same! The look on their face when they realize you’re not going to move... 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 10:51 PM
16

That’s what I was thinking. These mods are ON IT!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 06:23 AM
4

I agree about expectations for women. I was referring to what motivates men - their own benefit seems to outweigh expectations. But yes “boys will be boys” does lower expectations and give them a pass, thus not affecting how much they benefit socially.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:46 AM
7

Nah. If you actually read the handbook then you’d see being a high value women is not treating men like scum or not having standards for your own behavior. Rather it means being your best self and not accepting low value behavior, which is dealt with by ignoring and blocking, not rewarding with any kind of attention. A high value person has empathy, is personable and kind, etc, but is not a people pleaser seeking validation. The line is so distorted that self respect in a woman gets smeared as h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:36 AM
10

Or they lack motivation when they don’t see a reward for themselves. Expectations matter less than their own benefit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:27 AM
19

That’s why OP notes there’s no guarantee. You have to stay HV and expect HV behavior from him even after marriage. He never stops courting you. But when you live with him before marriage, you typically send LV message and you lose ability to gauge his intentions. Marriage is a stronger symbol of commitment and value than moving in and playing house. Many men will live with the “for now” girlfriend and then ditch her when he comes across a woman he actually sees as a wife. They often know early o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:15 AM
19

I’ll get several post notifications but then nothing is there. Is that what it is? I assumed it was an app glitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/20 05:06 AM
46

I have a fairly high sex drive that doesn’t require emotional connection but my rational mind knows casual sex is a raw deal for women. Plus I do require a man to be physically sexy if there’s no other connection, and we all know how rare those men are. However men seem to be happy with a warm hole :X, whereas a woman requires a little more finesse and the risk/reward ratio isn’t typically in our favor (ie safety, pregnancy, etc, all for low odds of satisfaction). I think women are truly the rat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 06:56 PM
12

I don’t believe “cuffed” is FDS terminology. The OP simply uses African American vernacular, which I don’t speak either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:54 PM
20

Yes but he won’t give her much chance to act single. He will book her up with plans and contact her frequently in between so she has increasingly less time for other men. No one is saying you can’t become exclusive before getting engaged (if marriage is your ultimate desire), but you don’t get ahead of the man. He shows with ACTION that he wants you exclusively. If you’re vying for exclusivity early on then you got ahead of him and are now basically sending a “pick me” vibe. You stay in evaluati…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 08:40 PM
16

Upvoted for increasing my vocabulary.... “fungible” 😁
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/20 01:33 AM
14

This is exactly how many men will perceive it! I just made a long post in this thread about that. That’s why - DON’T BOTHER. And you don’t give him sex as a chore either. He should’ve spent the day wooing her and getting her in the mood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 07:57 PM
13

Pickmeishas don’t grasp that this is not what the average man wants. They project their own desires and think because they’d love to be pampered like this and have someone go all out that this is what their male partner should like. Few men* care about this stuff and will assume you’re doing it for yourself because you enjoy it (after all that’s typically how men operate and they too do projection - they will do stuff because they enjoy it, period). Perhaps he even assumed it was for the kids to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 07:53 PM
12

My Single Valentine’s Day: Slept in until 10am. Lounged in PJs with my coffee all morning. Answered a few work emails. Did a meditation and journaling course online as part of my leveling-up. Felt great afterwards. Grabbed a late lunch out and then got a mani-pedi and a massage. Continued feeling relaxed and cared for (by myself). Had my date for this weekend blow my phone up all evening to confirm everything (and make conversation in his effort to get to know me better).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 07:21 PM
26

She needs to stop confiding in the friend though. It’s good practice to not discuss any relationship stuff with people who have different standards. They’ll advise you poorly and confuse you. OP was guided by her own clear feelings, sense of worth and standards and that’s the best way to do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 05:25 PM
82

I agree. “Overreacting” would be scolding him or trying to teach him or pouting or making a scene. This reaction was perfect. OP, your boundaries weren’t respected and your emotions informed you of this, and you took heed and removed yourself because YOU are your priority. Protecting yourself and looking out for your needs is not overreacting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 05:22 PM
9

What generation is this normal for? Honest question. I’m an old millennial and this is so foreign to me.... I haven’t encountered such men, thankfully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/20 06:15 AM
8

I never pay. If he asks me to pay then that signals to me we’re friends (at best), so no more dates. As for relationships, I found the minute he lets me pay for anything, then that relationship just jumped the shark. Even old pickmeisha me dated unemployed men who wouldn’t let me even buy them coffee and who’d fill my car with gas if I had to drive to meet them. I made the mistake of reciprocating by cooking special meals which were never appreciated; that’s “pick me, I’d make a good wife” behav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 05:26 AM
10

I’ve met them but they’re the exception. I notice they’ve usually married relatively young and are family men (they have secure attachment style and are emotionally available and mature). That’s why they’re not found readily in any singles scene and aren’t workaholics with super ambitious careers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:53 AM
14

Yes. A reaction and any attention (even negative) is better than nothing to these types. It shows they affected you. No response is the best. This goes for online LVM too. Delete and block. Don’t retort or scold because they don’t deserve that energy. Shift focus to what feels good to you, not getting worked up over stuff that’s disrespectful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:37 AM
4

I didn’t understand this either. I kept rereading thinking I was misunderstanding something. I thought maybe they lived together and split bills....? Anyway, I wouldn’t get involved with a man who lives paycheck to paycheck because I don’t live that way. He should have money saved and investments (I do) and definitely not need to be given $20 to cover a bill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/20 04:34 AM
47

IMO all people have innate value and can be high value in their character and behavior. Everyone has this potential. However only an individual can decide to change and honor their innate value and the value of others and live up to it. A woman cannot change a man and should never burden herself with a responsibility that does not belong to her. Maybe a man cites a particular woman as his wake up call or inspiration, but a woman shouldn’t strive to be his inspiration. That’s “pick me” behavior t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 09:02 PM
28

You’re supposed to wear it whenever you think rape would be a possibility, I guess. It’s a flawed idea for many reasons, although the well-being of a rapist is not one of them. It’s my understanding that most women who are raped are violated by a person they know, not a boogeyman jumping out of the bushes. It may even be their husband, partner or relative. These men have access to the woman when her guard is down and they have a social advantage that will make people question if she is actually …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/20 08:14 PM
11

I think it’s a positive development and high time, but it’s not safe sex. Same with women on hormonal BC. Unless you’ve had blood tests and are committed and monogamous then use a condom too IMO. Two forms seems better to me anyway. As for trusting a man.... if you can’t trust him to take a pill then you probably can’t trust him enough to forgo a condom (disease) and to just take a pill yourself (heck why even be that physically vulnerable with someone you can’t trust? I digress), and you defini…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 06:04 PM
3

Definitely don’t beat yourself up. I think that as you continue shifting that focus and keeping the positive belief, you’ll find crushes aren’t such a thing. It’s a natural process. And I’m distinguishing a crush from attraction and interest and excitement over someone - it would be sad to not feel the latter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/20 05:42 PM
162

I have a different view. Not that I disagree that romantic relationships benefit men more... But paying for dates is symbolic. It has nothing to do with who puts in more energy and money into grooming, who earns more, equality, or even who benefits more. Because yeah women have higher standards set by society in every way, so it is the least a man can do to foot the bill. But that’s not the main reason still because it’s not about what makes sense on the surface. It’s symbolic. It’s the man disp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 11:23 PM
68

Yes he can afford a $1 rose from the streetcorner, a bottle of Cook’s sparkling wine (what is it - $5?), and plastic flutes from the dollar tree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 11:14 PM
31

You don’t have to act. You shouldn’t BE overly invested if you feel high value. It’s a natural thing when you shift your mental paradigm. You can and should definitely enjoy being around someone and be your lovely enthusiastic self. But you shouldn’t be done evaluating him too soon nor attached to an outcome with him. Another thing I’ve learned - men like to experience your warm emotions and enthusiasm when it’s about YOUR enjoyment and not you making over him or trying to make him feel good. HV…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 11:03 PM
19

Good post. Although another solution is to not get crushes (in the typical way people use that word). You can find a man attractive, enjoyable, admirable, but he shouldn’t be taking up much space in your mind when he’s not around. And he shouldn’t be assumed to be high value or “the one” based on his stats alone (ie “hot”). A crush is a sign of emotional investment that’s too much, too soon, IMO, and a scarcity mindset. The nervousness associated with it also reveals a feeling of inferiority and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 10:54 PM
3

Framing intolerance of disrespect as "insecurity" is a tactic most people are able to see through nowadays. Not all unfortunately. This is gold so you deserved that gold (from whoever gave it to you). Except the tactic does work on many. That’s why this simple explanation of it is so good - it cuts right to the heart of it being an invalidation tactic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 10:09 PM
10

Preach. High status doesn’t necessarily mean high value, but high value never means low status either. While we can’t get blindsided by status, we can’t make excuses for unattractive losers simply because we’ve been taught to put other people’s feelings above our own. No falling in love with potential or pity-dating anymore. Niceness is baseline - it’s not enough on its own. Our feelings are priority now. LVM and self-righteous pickmeishas want to brainwash women into thinking women are not visu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/20 05:56 PM
8

The good marriages I’ve seen often involve a woman that LVM don’t like. I’ve seen that almost every time. They are considered “demanding” and too strong personality, etc, by LVM. That’s why we can’t let LVM and pickmeishas brainwash us into “cool girl” behavior and the thinking that equality is doing all the emotional labor, housework, child rearing and 50/50 on money. That’s not equal. In the happy marriages, there’s real equality where the man does his fair and is happy for it. He does not see…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:58 AM
25

I dated a divorced man and when he talked about his ex and their marriage, I started to see why she left him. He was literally giving me information that showed exactly why she left him but in his mind he was a victim and she was 100% wrong and he couldn’t understand why she got so unhappy and left. He was literally telling me what he did to repel her and not seeing it himself at the same time. And yes I was being a pickmeisha by playing free therapist (learned my lesson there).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/20 12:45 AM
11

Yes what makes a man a HVM is how he treats you primarily. High status and high value aren’t the same thing. Of course a HVM is also someone with his life together and with the self esteem to take care of himself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/20 04:45 AM
3

If you didn’t have a contract for any of that then he’s outta luck. Tell him he has a week to clear his stuff out them lock him out and block him out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/20 04:45 AM
52

I don’t know if it’s the case in every US state or county but where I’m at, if they want to know that info then you have the option to speak in private with the judge and lawyers. Still not a great situation and I think it may be an option commonly offered and not a law. But every time I’ve seen someone exercise that option they got dismissed. Of course it could be they disclosed they wouldn’t be comfortable hearing the details of the case.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 08:41 PM
2

Do you have stats? I’m sure they do it more than women but I haven’t seen anything that supports “a lot”. People marry within their own class. It’s part of assortative mating. Of course women earn less money and have less power within their own class, but that’s as equal as society has allowed men and women to be thus far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/20 03:20 AM
13

That’s why us single women can’t make the mistake of doing it all from the get-go and must carefully observe men before we commit and vet very carefully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 05:31 AM
22

I’m only 5’7 and have had many men* deem me too tall. It doesn’t bother me because when it comes to romantic partners I think you can discriminate based on any criteria you want. Of course it may leave you single if you’re unreasonably picky but it’s still a personal decision and you owe nothing to anyone. I’m actually ok with short guys. I dated a 5’5 man who almost exclusively dated taller women because he wasn’t insecure. I’ll take a fit short guy over a tall fatty any day. But do I prefer ta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/20 04:29 AM
30

Yep. Rich men typically marry rich women, who aren’t typically in their 20s. People typically marry within their own socioeconomic class and they marry peers (average age difference is about 3 years). Actually I think that may be average hetero couples, not just married ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:50 AM
4

My grandma does the opposite. She’ll suggest much younger guys to me because they’re “handsome and hardworking”, haha. She’ll insist I’m so beautiful and they won’t care about my age. To my grandma, a woman should prioritize romance and finances in potential partners. If a man doesn’t romance you and can’t support a family then he’s disqualified. When she was young, she would have two dates booked in one day with different men, and she didn’t become exclusive with my grandpa until they were enga…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 02:02 AM
4

Oddly enough, most “Christian” religions are predominantly women*. Of course they are not the leaders because they aren’t allowed to be... but because women outnumber men as members, men behave as predicted when women outnumber them in a social situation; the men get very picky and delay or resist commitment. And because they don’t feel a need to compete they exhibit worse behavior and are less driven in general. So you have a lot of LVM behavior because the environment breeds that, on top of us…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/20 01:03 AM
6

Nah. They’ll be eager to show you off for many reasons that have nothing to do with genuine emotional commitment. They’ll do this for status points, not because they feel serious about you. For obvious reasons it’s still better than him “hiding” you. But don’t place a ton of significance on it. If it’s not extremely obvious commitment then it means little and usually benefits him more. Commitment means not talking or showing but DOING - taking actions that are difficult to reverse and don’t prim…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/20 09:16 PM
89

Drop the hinting. If he took your hint then you would’ve seen him again and that would have been ignoring your preferences. Is that the relationship you want? Always having to hint and manipulate situations like you’re his guilt tripping mother? Remember this is is his best foot forward, and he showed LVM behavior. He didn’t pass your filter the the minute he asked for separate checks. At that point, it’s over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 03:32 AM
90

I think if you work on cultivating your inner sense of high value then you’re naturally turned off by and immune to these tactics. I realized that HVW behavior is natural to me and it’s only twisted messages from society that prompted me to “give him a chance” and go against gut instincts and not be “too picky”. When I honor my needs, preferences and intuitions it’s like I have a highly calibrated inner compass that steers me away from LVM. Focusing more on YOURSELF and not the antics of LVM mak…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/20 02:04 AM
19

Same here. I’ve found men don’t appreciate any of this when dating. Whatever they claim, not being the pursuer turns them off. They must feel like they’re winning you or you register as LVW or “for now girl”. In every relationship, the negative turning point was me doing “nice things”. I’m not sure at what point this can be introduced but I’m thinking it’s after marriage. Every HVW I know in a happy marriage didn’t do anything for him prior to the marriage. No cooking, no cleaning, no gifts, no …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 11:08 PM
6

Yeah I could’ve written this. Well people guess 25 and I’m about a decade older. I get more attention from young guys than ever. I’m not interested in them because I prefer a peer. I feel like the wall is a male projection because they’re angry that women can more easily score sex at any age, including with much younger partners (if we wanted to).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 10:27 PM
49

This reminds me of an older widow I know. She looks back very fondly on her deceased husband, who I also knew. He said every morning he brought her coffee in bed because she wasn’t a morning person. She jokes she wouldn’t sit up until he was handing her the mug to take her first sip. Instead of complaining that she’s not constant sunshine and existing to please him, he went out of his way to brighten her up daily. And of course she did the same (as most women do but LVM take for granted).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/20 12:08 AM
2

The vulnerability is good though. You have to balance that with not being sold too quickly on a man. The latter comes from a sense of your own value, not being walled off emotionally. And so the “feels” are really about you opening up to you - not the man. It felt good to be you and it’s easy to attach that to “being with him makes me feel good” vs “being the authentic me makes me feel good”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 04:24 AM
3

That’s still LVM behavior then. It’s okay though because you’re improving your selection abilities. The more high value you feel about yourself the more the men you select will reflect that and the less drama there is when you’re two great people who simply don’t match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/20 04:19 AM
9

I had a guy fly from Europe to west coast USA to meet me. He wasn’t for me, but I learned when a guy is into you then it he will take necessary action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 05:12 AM
162

This is wonderful really. He simply wasn’t right for you but you’re one step closer to the right person. And yes you did everything fine. Two people can be high value and do nothing wrong and simply not be a match.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/20 03:54 AM
16

That’s so obviously his parents’ house (or at least not his)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 05:44 AM
15

THIS. There’s nothing natural or biological about any of this. They’ve been molded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 05:35 AM
11

Sadly some in the older generation had the “boys will be boys” attitude and taught girls differently from boys, not realizing that boys will be how you train (or don’t) train them. Girls were expected to be considerate, pleasant and clean and boys were allowed to be selfish, disruptive and grimy because “he’s ALL BOY, hahaha!”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 05:25 AM
106

🙌🏻 This forum doesn’t hate high value men at all. It doesn’t really “hate” anyone. It’s simply recognizing what makes for a healthy and functional romantic partner. I’m in favor of less focus on the antics of low value men and more focus on identifying high value men and feeling our own high value. Although I understand a need for venting some frustration. And I have compassion for the pickmeishas. They just need to wake up as we have.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/20 04:33 AM
8

Similar. Not looking but have a full life and know stuff will happen when it happens. Except I didn’t fully do FDS when younger. I had more subtle pickmeisha qualities - ie being the free therapist and rebound chick. But never paid for dates or did FWB to seem “cool”. And most significant is feeling that value internally. It’s the vibes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/20 07:07 AM
17

Working remotely is my next goal. I almost never need to physically be at the office. It is such a waste. Waste gas. Waste time. Clog up freeways. So many people could be off the roads if employers got with the times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 11:56 PM
21

I work about 24-30 hours/week and make a full time income. I don’t think I could ever go back to 40 hours. And I still pay for a housecleaner because it’s more cost efficient. What they do in 2 hours takes me like 6.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 11:54 PM
47

Will this bad women’s anatomy ever die?! 🤦🏻‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 03:37 PM
8

Yes high value is an internal state of feeling your innate worth. There are beautiful and charming and successful women who don’t feel this and are thus (sadly) treated low value by low value men. Pickmeishas come in every form too because it’s mentality. The outside doesn’t matter although typically when you feel your value you take good care of yourself and prioritize yourself and that shows up on the outside.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/20 04:46 AM
1

Good point. I’m also super open to being approached by men if they’re respectful and polite.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 09:07 PM
37

Men like all kinds of boobs. Some men don’t care about boobs at all. Most will want to see you naked no matter your boob size or their stated preference. Most will check you out leeringly if you wear anything remotely sexy or revealing (and their bar for that is much lower than our own). Small boobs doesn’t mean he noticed your eyes more. The main key is only LVM neg you though. If they tell you what they “normally find attractive” or their “ideal type” and it’s quite different from you - that’s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 04:23 AM
4

Agree. Emotions are also signals to inform us of our needs and wants. We actually should listen to our emotions and consider how the needs and desires are best met, not be a pickmeisha and try to win over some LVM to fill needs and desires he doesn’t and never will care about. You don’t try to get the man to do anything, instead you observe him and see if he’s willing to meet your needs and desires, and when he does good you then reward him emotionally. This will vet out LVM. Negative emotions a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 02:26 AM
10

Well... this is more of their fantasy. Their success rate is quite low. That’s why when a woman bites they’ll string her along until another woman bites (then drop her and/or cheat) and that can take yeeeeears. This is MGTOW fiction basically. They wouldn’t be so bitter if they actually succeeded in a player lifestyle. IMO the successful players mimic HVM behavior early on with a woman and then ghost once they get what they want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 01:37 AM
25

My sister has a guy who buys her a plane ticket every year and then backs out. At least she’s smart enough to not buy it herself. And when he backs out, she exchanges it for a ticket to visit another friend. He’s been doing this for five years!!!! They’re not in a relationship and she says she doesn’t expect to meet him anymore but doesn’t mind the yearly free plane ticket. No he’s not married nor catfishing... we’ve done the sleuthing. It’s extreme emotional unavailability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 01:32 AM
27

Ok then... he’s fully redeemed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 01:15 AM
19

Don’t correlate looks with personality. Ugly men want you to think they are kinder, smarter, etc, and that good looking men are shallow, stupid jerks. The reality is looks have no correlation to personality. A gorgeous man is just as likely to be kind and loving as a homely man. So yes, don’t lower your standards because LVM will take you for granted, even if his looks are way beneath yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 01:09 AM
25

This IS sweet. BUT if she is his high school sweetheart, then he definitely should go over the top because he looks like they’ve been out of high school for awhile now (unless they reconnected later.... yeah I’m being that person).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/20 12:52 AM
14

And if he’s tall, then you can pull the “creepy” card (they’re horrified to be called that). Mutter “what a creep” and look at any woman around you who will likely give a confirming look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 10:01 PM
18

The default is often 18-45 when you join many sites and I notice men often adjust the oldest age to whatever their age is (or younger even) and leave the youngest at 18.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 09:58 PM
12

Text a link to r/men_of_the_wall
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 09:55 PM
11

Wow this reminded me of an ex who was divorced and wanted to just come over for a nap because he said he didn’t sleep well alone. Literally he’d nap and I’d read a book or something. Definitely didn’t use me for sex (I’ve never attracted those kinds). Definitely did use me as a free therapist and rebound girl after his divorce.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/20 04:17 AM
13

“Pick me” isn’t necessarily “cool girl” behavior. It definitely includes that but also any behavior which says “pick me” because the woman has low self worth. It’s also being his mom, free therapist, maid, babysitter, etc. It’s doing more than 50% of the relationship work and still going dutch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/20 07:14 AM
16

Even some LVM would agree with much of this sub. I dated some pseudo HVM who kept that facade for a few months before they showed their true LV (my former pickmeisha habit was being rebound girl who provides free therapy). Even those guys wouldn’t hear of me paying for a date or expect sex right away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 09:07 PM
49

Yes this is essentially what I said to a guy who posted in here before he was promptly banned. He said something to the effect of “would you be ok with someone you’re dating seeing this forum and knowing you follow it?” I was like “Just because I read/post here doesn’t mean I agree with every opinion in here and I would never refer to any sub reddit as representing of my personal viewpoints”. Participating in a sub doesn’t mean you blindly agree with every post there. There are actually polite d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 08:43 PM
3

Work on feeling your high value. The men you attract reflect how you feel about yourself. FYI you’ll always attract creeps because all men go for the top attractive women. But if you’re HVW you’ll naturally kinda block them out as they fade into the background and higher quality men become the foreground. I saw a big change in the quality of men I attracted when I did this. It’s a continuous process. You keep leveling up and the way you regard yourself is mirrored in the men pursuing you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 06:49 AM
22

IMO true HVM don’t use women to that extent before they settle on “the one”. I’m saying this because soma pickmeishas think they can inspire men to reform. Nope. HVM who dabble with women they don’t deem “the one” tend to display gentlemanly behavior still and give “fair warnings” (how they convince themselves they’re not playing games). They’ll wine you and dine you while telling you they’re not ready for a relationship. Far cry from the neckbeards who want to go halfsies on Chipotle. Edit - wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/20 05:14 AM
56

Yep it’s really a man
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/20 12:31 AM
24

It’s not about your ability to do the thing (ie pay) but your ability to enjoy receiving. Both of you know you can pay if you wanted to. HVM is seeing if you can receive and enjoy and appreciate him giving because that’s what motivates him - seeing your pleasure. LVM doesn’t care about your pleasure and turns it into tit for tat (“I paid and she didn’t put out!”). IMO, HVM like giving even more when they know you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself. In his mind you’re allowing him to pay t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 07:36 PM
72

The point of delaying sex is simply to see if he’s a HVM and emotionally investing in you (and to not become attached yourself prior to that). It’s not a bargaining chip for marriage. Obviously women enjoy sex too and it’s not something you do “for him”. That’s actually opposite of the “strategy” here - nothing is “for him”, but on your terms when it benefits you most. This isn’t selfish but how men already operate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 05:39 PM
11

I agree it’s better to dodge the bullet and not fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy. But generally if a guy moves in with you without even being engaged it’s because you’re the “for now girl”. It’s about convenience for him. HVM typically try to wife up HVW and the woman is the one putting on the brakes. Doesn’t mean you should rush into marriage or marry at all, but you definitely should be the one picking and recognizing what’s actually best for you. Moving in together and playing house often s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/20 05:46 AM
43

Exactly. Came here to say the same thing. Easy to be radically honest after you got what you wanted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 11:58 PM
10

Men who want women to be positive all the time are saying they want a people pleaser. You can only exist for their benefit, only show up in a way that makes them feel good, etc. That’s definitely a raw deal. And most women aren’t picky enough.... However I think when it comes to relationships it’s best to have a mentality that focuses on what you DO want. For every negative you DON’T want, there is the positive opposite. Focusing on the positive opposite seems to alert you to it. It’s like if yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 08:19 PM
4

“I can understand how he sees it” But he makes no effort to understand how she sees it. He will not adjust himself at all and she is expected to adjust herself to accommodate how he feels. The woman doing all the emotional labour in the relationship yet again....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 02:57 AM
262

The kind of men who cause women to need a code word to escape safely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/20 02:48 AM
38

Women in the past put up with BS from men because they had less options socially - they had to be dependent on a man for survival. This is why (some) men don’t like women being financial equals. When we have freedom and ability to support ourselves, they know we have little incentive to put up with their BS. Sadly, long marriages weren’t necessarily happy ones... I think things will adjust in time. We’re in a weird spot in history. Doesn’t seem good for us, but I think it’s still better than in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 07:05 PM
5

Everyone has a masculine and feminine aspect internally because they’re metaphors and not social roles. “Masculine” is the active, doing, accomplishing, strategizing aspect. “Feminine” is the being, feeling, enjoying, accepting aspect. Repression of either makes people unhappy. Western culture tends to overemphasize the masculine. But there’s a paradox - integrating the feminine more doesn’t mean fighting the masculine. Because “fighting” is masculine energy. So you simply accept and be. When yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 04:42 AM
12

I had a guy sending me “good morning beautiful” texts about once a week for THREE YEARS and who never could find time to meet in person. I’d send a smiley emoji back and that’d be it. Probably should’ve ignored it, but I allowed distance to be an excuse and wasn’t invested enough to get mad. Every now and then he’d message me to actually have a conversation, and I suspect the breadcrumbs were to keep me hooked and open to talking whenever he was lonely. Once I called him out on it, he disappeare…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/20 03:18 AM
1

My gym is closed Wednesday but every other day I shall be there at 5:30am. Did the same last week. And yes I lay my stuff out the night before and have a sunrise alarm clock wake me up, haha.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/19 12:01 AM
73

It’s like they don’t have the same google we have
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 10:41 PM
8

I’m glad you posted this. I saw that thread and so many comments were 🤢. There’s a top comment from a woman telling him that he’s making a choice when he chooses the ex over his gf and that he needs to recognize it’s a choice. True. But that comment is from a pickmeisha who has been with a single dad who is her “live in boyfriend” for 6 years. She’s right about choices - now why isn’t she acknowledging that for herself?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 10:19 PM
19

This hits home. I played rebound girl too much. I learned my lesson on that. Recently single (especially divorced) is a no-go. And any comments about not trusting women - he just told you he mistrusts women which is part of the very definition of misogyny. I once mistook that for vulnerability and honesty.... 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:40 PM
69

It’s because people with low self-esteem can’t love you if they don’t love themselves. It’s massively cliché but true. “Hurt people hurt people”. “Misery love company”. Not all platitudes are true, but IME these are. Also victims require a victimizer. They’ll try to shoehorn you into that role to perpetuate their story. This is also why being a HVW benefits everyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/19 07:35 PM
12

That’s exactly what the part about being a young virgin and dating someone less attractive struck me as - satirizing men’s standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 06:04 AM
5

She’s 25? Get out and don’t let this dude waste anymore of your youth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 04:23 AM
12

I did this too and I realized it was a way of actually avoiding my own problems and taking action in my own life :X. Focus on others, advise others, ignore self.... When I get the urge to do it a lot (because I still definitely do), then I have to remind myself “what am I ignoring in my own life?”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 04:20 AM
2

Not the OP but I hate it because I’m not outgoing and don’t find myself interacting with people at all, which starts to feel isolated after awhile. I’ve never enjoyed eating at restaurants alone either or going to any night spot alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/19 02:13 AM
71

Adults who have kids and a house together and call each other “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” 🤣🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:46 PM
28

Him framing it as a “women vs men study” is what’s telling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 11:44 PM
18

I feel like we need to brainstorm on criteria for a “lover” - not this FWB crap. In the past a woman would take a lover to fulfill her romantic and sexual needs if she didn’t want the hassle of a relationship. The man playing the part of the lover would still have to woo her and please her. The affair would last for as long as he met her needs. It wasn’t just about sex but he also had to be charming and interesting and make her feel beautiful and special. Since I think a fair share of life is de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 10:38 PM
22

In addition to the advice to stop doing all that stuff, build yourself up internally. I know it's cliché, but start doing meditations to become aware of thought patterns and change your inner talk. Re-train your brain - when a concern about how he feels pops up, stop, let it go and ask yourself "what do I want and need and how can I act to honor that for myself?". Prioritize your own needs. In conversations, make it about you, not him. Instead of harping on what he doesn't do or does do that is …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 08:23 PM
22

It's the madonna-whore complex that most LVM possess. They think they want a high sex drive "cool" woman, but then she goes into whore category, meaning she isn't the woman he wants to bring home to mama. Deep down he feels she has no standards if she's that cool and is very eager to sleep with *him*, a LVM. So he will marry the madonna woman who he sees as mothering and pure and seemingly disinterested in sex so he has to win her over (which makes him feel like no other man but him was able to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 07:56 PM
24

I avoid discussing this stuff with men, but feel tempted to interject when they're "advising" a woman with nonsense that only furthers their own selfish interests. I really just want to warn the woman... Usually I don't because the women are always playing the "cool girl" as pickmeishas, twisting themselves into pretzels to empathize with men despite getting none in return.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 07:46 PM
22

Interesting how many admit to being recovering addicts... using video games to numb out instead of substances. Still addicts basically
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/19 02:20 AM
6

Your mentality here is evaluating yourself to see if your behavior is right. That’s backwards. You evaluate his behavior to see how it makes you feel. Did his question make you feel awkward and pressured to pay? If you’re HVW and something feels bad early on then you get turned off. Start honoring your own feelings more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 09:42 PM
18

You can’t change someone. Plus you’re not his mom and shouldn’t have to teach him about healthy eating and exercise habits. If you’re a HVW, you have to drop the scarcity mindset. Looking at fixer uppers typically comes from a place of feeling you can’t afford what you truly desire or that it doesn’t exist (what many men want women to think so they can be lazy).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 04:51 PM
10

🙌🏻👏🏻👍🏻 perfectly said
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/19 04:33 PM
68

The top commenter thinks women should be mommies to romantic male partners. Men can’t possibly have basic adult abilities unless a woman communicates them to him. Blame is now placed on women for not communicating - although we all know she’d be called a demanding nag if she did. Top commenter’s response shows the kind of mental gymnastics men do when women communicate their feelings and the man is held responsible for his own life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 08:50 PM
30

Yes - SPOILER - and to emphasize the double standard, he abandons her because she doesn’t meet his pure virgin ideal, yet he had an ongoing, consensual sexual affair with an older woman before marriage. He is forgiven immediately for it and has little guilt about it, despite his oh so lofty religious ideals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 03:29 AM
171

Knowing this internally doesn’t mean they displayed love bombing behavior. HVM know a HVW has to be wooed and that she’s not over eager to commit, and he respects that. So as much as you like a man and are warm and rewarding to his positive behavior, you stay in evaluation mode until he has displayed his HV over time. He will pick up on this and enjoy this process of proving himself to you. This was the natural process in the past - women had suitors who tried to win her hand and the best one wo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 02:03 AM
26

I’m rewatching Tess of the D’Urbervilles and it’s like no progress has been made since the 1800s. If you’re wondering how that’s relevant it’s very much a story showing double standards for men and women socially and sexually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 01:55 AM
30

It’s actually getting better in society, haha. It used to be worse. But it’s hard to deny women age better because we typically take better care of ourselves. And we have the freedom to develop identities beyond wife and mother, so not cranking kids out by 35 isn’t a big deal to many women. Having kids post 35 is increasingly common and a lot of risk hype gets put into perspective if you look at stats. They’re also finding that older fathers and their declining sperm quality can lead to health i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/19 01:42 AM
26

THIS. I know a few women who in their 90s remarried men also in their 90s. The men ended up dying after a few years from viagra, lol. So if lonely old men really want a partner, including a healthy sex life, then they don’t have to resort to porn; they can form relationships with women their own age. That’s not really what he wants though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 01:01 AM
54

This tactic is old. They used to shame women by calling them “frigid” when they didn’t want bad, anticlimactic sex with an unattractive man. And now they use it for any woman who doesn’t want to netflix and chill as a “first date”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/19 12:49 AM
7

Women can appreciate beauty too though. You can wear makeup to feel beautiful because you personally enjoy aesthetics. Of course a woman isn’t or shouldn’t be obligated to be beautiful but if she puts effort into her appearance it’s not necessarily because of the “patriarchy”. I disagree that that source of appreciation for beauty is the patriarchy; women can be artists and aesthetes too and can create beauty for its own sake. I think the issue is that beauty standards are very low for men. That…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/19 03:25 AM
3

Well you only lose out if you see yourself as competing. But he is competing for you with other men. He loses you. ;) I know several women age 35-45 who married 10-15 years younger and the man had to chase them and talk them into marrying a younger man. If the man is into you, then you know, and you don’t invest yourself into one until he demonstrates that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 07:31 AM
8

Yeah I’m naturally the opposite - reserved and not bubbly. That doesn’t attract either. I’ve found warmly receptive works best. Before they initiate, appear to enjoy yourself and any friends and/or your environment. Emotions are about your experience - not aimed at him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 07:22 AM
10

That thread is a riot. There’s another story going in the comments about a dude who dumped his fat gf of 7 years because he got buff and now has better options. And a response to this is when women break up with a less attractive man it’s due to social pressure not because she wasn’t attracted to him - women aren’t as visual or physical, you know. 🙄 The mental hoops they jump through to justify their shallowness while trying to convince themselves their own looks shouldn’t matter...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 07:04 AM
16

Nah that’s what they want you to think. Older women will relate otherwise. Women never cease to be sexually desirable, although quality single men who are peers may be harder to come by and men die earlier. Granted, the OP with all married friends (suggests he’s in his 30s) is only noticing cute “girls” everywhere that seem to deliberately avoid him (“ugh creepy old dude keeps staring”).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:51 AM
23

For them, any attention is better than none. I understand the urge to be sassy but these man-children actually like that attention. They either want to be mothered by you or to put you in “crazy bitch” mode, as either feeds their ego. Even if you could somehow teach them, you shouldn’t have to anyway. IMO best response is none and instead to focus on what feels good to you. Expend zero energy on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:43 AM
20

They don’t typically do the same. If you’re in a “bad mood”, you’ll be invalidated, called crazy or dramatic, hear snarky comments about your period, or perhaps condescendingly be told to calm down or smile. Basically women are expected to only express pleasant emotions AND to mother / provide therapy for men when they experience disruptive emotions. All emotional work is put upon the woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:33 AM
16

If they’re into you then they will “define the relationship”, with both behavior and words. And they’ll do this before you can even start to wonder. If you’re wondering, then too much time has passed IMO. As a woman, you’re generally the responder who grants the permission. He initiates interest and asks you out. He seeks to define you two as an exclusive couple. He proposes marriage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 06:07 AM
22

Bravo. You’re not his mom or his therapist. You shouldn’t be teaching, training nor healing. What you need to do is weed and sift.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/19 05:04 AM
15

Yes I think it was on the march of dimes website where I read that pregnancy under age 20 is actually higher risk than pregnancy after age 35. It’s a combo of emotional and physical maturity not being there yet for girls. It can take several years after menarche for the body to be physically mature. It’s increasingly found that biological immaturity is part of the reason for adverse pregnancy outcomes, not simply inadequate prenatal care due to age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 11:52 PM
31

It’s also an excuse for young men to be immature because they are held to lower standards - “boys will be boys”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 10:36 PM
28

Yeah best to ignore them. They’re not any concern for us. Ladies, focus on yourself and attract higher quality men. Low quality men don’t deserve any space in your mind.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 06:43 PM
58

It’s hilarious how it’s the opposite when it’s a man. I saw a thread where the man’s new girlfriend hadn’t texted him back since Sunday and it was now Tuesday. The man felt “ghosted” and was advised that she wasn’t into him and he should break it off. And of course theories abounded that she likely was seeing/sleeping with other men, of course*. And she apparently posted a photo of herself relaxing by a pool... if she was the man, then she’d be excused as busy and spending normal time with frien…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/19 06:39 PM
3

You might meet another entrepreneur though. I’m not surprised one of the founders for Google was married to the woman who started 23andme, for example. Google is obviously the bigger company... and his current wife is another CEO and also in tech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 11:19 PM
13

People typically marry within their socio-economic class. Online dating can skew this though. I suggest mostly dating men who will naturally show up in places someone of your income can afford. Edit - if you’re the same socio economic class then the man will typically earn more because men get paid more (for the same education, skills, etc).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 01:12 AM
5

Agreed. I see no reason to bash her. It’s her choice to keep the baby. I think it’s also understandable to try and create a family... but they gave it a shot and he’s definitely shown his true colors. Better for her to go it alone now. I also think the manchild in this situation deserves the criticism. A 28 year old man acting that way?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 01:01 AM
7

I upvoted OP just for this 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/19 12:54 AM
7

Yes she was the “for now” girl. As this sub points out a lot, average dude doesn’t get laid easily nor get much female attention, so he’ll keep a woman around “in the meantime” aka until he finds a woman he wants to marry. It’s tricky because we know to look at actions over words, and these look like actions, but they’re not ones which mean commitment. Commitment is pretty much a ring on the finger and a wedding date set. Stuff that isn’t commitment (nor even “feelings”): vacations together, mee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/19 11:35 PM
9

I definitely think it’s best to put most weight on ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS over words. I’ve even had good guys married to friends straight up tell me this - don’t listen to men’s BS, observe them. BUT, I’ve noticed many men like to sneak in a disclaimer when asked such a question so that later on they have an easy out: “I told you I didn’t want a relationship right now. I was honest.” Meanwhile they had been doing tons of “future talk” and coaxing you into playing house or something, like it means…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 06:19 AM
7

Because he won’t say girlfriend or wife because he only wants a FB or FWB. So it’s his “person”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 06:07 AM
11

Even more to the point - people actually rarely date outside their own socioeconomic class. Rich dudes actually aren’t typically dating broke or working class women. That’s exactly why we can ignore broke dudes telling us our achievements aren’t attractive and don’t matter - because they see as competition and want to discourage us so we’ll stay “small”. Our true equals recognize us as equals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/19 06:00 AM
20

Everything about this guys says “serial killer”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 10:24 PM
25

Reality - this woman’s online dating inbox is filled with 20-30 somethings eager to bang her. She, however, wants to date someone age appropriate that she can connect with and is willing to sacrifice some looks for it. And this guy thinks he’s too hot for her - haaaaa!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 05:37 AM
26

Women typically are way more sensitive to aesthetics so I call bull on this too. We care about how stuff looks in every aspect of life except our sexual partners? Suuuuurre. Women are shamed socially from asserting physical preferences in male partners because men have been in power and don’t want to be held to high beauty standards (like women are). It gets perpetuated that women are more about emotional connection so they’ll pair with “nice” homely men and then wonder why they have low sex dri…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 05:25 AM
9

Whoa, total lightbulb moment - this is brilliant insight. It’s 100% true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 05:08 AM
31

Good point. Another thing is that many women get too emotionally invested too early when sex is too early. They get ahead of the man who is not emotionally invested yet. It’s about pacing your own investment. And yes there are exceptions but trying to be the “cool girl” is usually kidding yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 06:09 PM
11

Men will do all kinds of mental gymnastics to assure themselves they never led anyone on. They may really believe it but it’s emotional dishonesty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 06:07 PM
12

I’m pickier about this than looks and I’m pretty picky about looks. I’ve met many men who are more than okay to let me shine but I had two issues which made me not want them for partners not physically attractive to me stingy Not saying that all men who “marvel” at me as a person and not just looks are in these categories. But if there’s no attraction and they aren’t making effort to romance me, then we’re just friends. Mental connection isn’t enough. With one man, because I leaned way, way back…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 05:55 PM
3

Don’t forget melasma! No one told me about melasma ever as a possible side effect of birth control. I had actually found one I thought was side effect free and was skipping my period every month and feeling good - then it discolored my skin :(. Thankfully it’s going away now. So no more hormonal birth control for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/19 03:55 PM
21

IMO use your emotional responses to guide yourself by alerting you to your values. Don’t use them to mother others. These men often want a “mother reaction”. Next best thing to positive attention is negative attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 09:02 PM
5

Men aren’t expected to chase love. They’re expected to demonstrate value as a partner and women are also doing that. The “strategy” here is being high value by honoring your own authentic needs and desires and not being the “cool girl” nor some submissive type. Both of those pander and high value women don’t pander. High value men enjoy giving and initiating. It’s a natural dance. But both people during this period are evaluating one another to see if they are a match and feelings grow in propor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 08:58 PM
9

Did he really buy a foreign wife? I watch 90 day fiancé and western women are capable of the same, so it’s definitely no indication you’ve aged like wine; it’s more about the foreigner being desperate enough to escape the poverty in their country and get a green card than the desirability of the westerner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 08:46 PM
12

It seems like it’s just what PUA (pick up artist strategy) was years ago. It’s ugly loser “nice guys” trying to mimic better looking jerks who have “success” getting laid by preying upon insecure women with daddy issues. So basically they’re just admitting that “nice” was a poor strategy for their goal and never was about genuine empathy or decency to other humans. Yeah, it’s good for people to show their true colors. Easy to avoid them that way. I haven’t had run-ins with nice guys or red pill …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/19 06:08 PM
36

Yeah and Kurt Russel isn’t exactly hot anymore either. They’re elderly people. Let people age and be happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/19 02:51 AM
11

I prefer to be gracious because man-children unconsciously want you to scold and mother them. Then they claim women are crazy and continue to perpetuate the behavior which gets such reactions. Don’t fall into that dynamic. I’d say something like: “I think it’s best if we cancel dinner because I am honestly not feeling any attraction. I feel we only have friend vibes. Probably why we always split the bill, as friends do. But I’m seeking something more romantic. I wish you the best.” The lighter a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 06:01 AM
7

I’ve noticed this too and it’s even more true when it’s a hot guy who’s actually a good guy. Loser men will perpetuate the myth that only homely men are “good guys” and that good looking men are jerks. But I always see the high quality men with women who are not super young or model beautiful but defined by more significant qualities including those ones the loser men try and claim don’t matter (ie personal achievements, intelligence, talent).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/19 05:47 AM
25

I think it’s positive they don’t like this sub.... And I think they make these stories up to try and prove how badass they are. These guys are selfish milksops. Although this scenario likely is fiction, the real reason a guy like this would do nothing is that he’d freeze like a deer and then go running in the other direction to save his own butt the second his senses returned. These guys are definitely not badasses refusing to help a fellow human in an emergency - they’re simply spineless coward…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/19 03:27 PM
9

So basically incels pretending it’s a choice...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/19 07:08 PM
6

This isn’t a forum about seduction. This is essentially a forum for women to vent, discuss and debunk myths about dating and relationships and men and determine what is actually healthier and more effective for us to meet our needs. Not all women here share the same exact views or desires, so I would not direct someone here as if this sub represents my views. It seems you’re not a woman, so I’m reporting you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/19 12:30 AM
14

Last sentence is key. If you do this successfully because he’s more interested in himself then he’s not a good match. An emotionally mature man will demonstrate interest in you. He will definitely make the effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 04:53 AM
9

Getting stuck on one person usually comes from a scarcity mindset and low self worth. Broaden your horizons. If you’re not hung up on him, then you’ll be more attractive because you’re not already sold on him. Men sniff out when you’re sold on them without any effort on their part, and it signals you feel low value and so they don’t make effort. Of course you may find him attractive and be interested, but you need to stay in evaluation mode, not be “after him”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 12:23 AM
14

As long as he’s making plans with you regularly (that aren’t booty calls) then he’s pursuing you. Respond to his actions and don’t invest more than what he’s been offering. So don’t text him first. Only respond. Be busy with other stuff so you don’t notice how much time passes between texts. That’s a sign you’re over-invested - noticing how long it takes for him to do something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 12:16 AM
210

I’d add “shows interest in you personally”.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/19 12:01 AM
6

Eagerness implies anxiety which usually comes from a scarcity mindset and/or low self value. Showing interest and curiosity and warmth are great, but it doesn’t mean you’re sold. It’s also better to respond with these rather than initiate because if you initiate too much it’s because he’s not doing it enough (which signals he’s not all that interested). Edit - to clarify, you don’t need to be cold or hide interest. You need an unspoken attitude that you’re not attached yet. Your attachment grows…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/19 08:07 PM
6

Be honest about the house thing with him. What you said here is ok. If he tries to tear down your feeling by acting like it’s unreasonable, remember NO JADE. No justifying, arguing, defending nor explaining. Feelings and preferences are subjective and so objective facts or reasons do not apply. They are what they are. You desire marriage before buying a home with someone and there’s no need to try and validate the desire - it’s validity is intrinsic. Accept that you also cannot convince him of a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/19 06:41 PM
23

I was going to repost this. Glad to see it here. Many lessons. A few being: Be honest with yourself about what you want and if a man tells you he’s looking for something else, have the self-esteem to walk. It’s the philosophy of “when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time” (Maya Angelou). The dating approach needs to be about weeding men out who aren’t willing to meet your needs and desires and who don’t want what you want. You also don’t over invest emotionally until you’ve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/19 06:27 PM
3

Sure some men look ok for their age but are rarely attractive to YOUNGER women. Women their own age will be into them, maybe. Contrary to the myth - this isn’t true for women! A woman who ages well will be surprised to see MUCH younger men going for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/19 03:35 PM
22

It’s also such a lie because women are sexually desirable their whole lives. My grandma is 85 and men still hit on her. They want to take her to lunch and bingo, haha. My 65 yr old mom has men sliding into her DMs weekly. My sister is 40 and never wants for admirers. I’m mid 30s and cute college aged guys flirt with me and ask me out. They’re too young for my taste, but I definitely have not expired. Men project their fears onto women. After 40 their testosterone drops and hair starts thinning a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 07:02 PM
4

Work out daily - strength training, HIIT and yoga Nature walks / hikes Eat healthy but enjoyable food, lots of water, no more than a glass of wine once a day max Meditation, journaling - keep the mind healthy, reduce stress. I rarely get more than 6 hours sleep but I do take naps. Increasing my sleep totally makes a difference though. Used to do at home teeth whitening kits but find charcoal toothpaste works better. Good skin care, which included doing a course of isotretinoin to get rid of acne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 05:23 AM
18

“He’s not overtly mean” If that’s the best you can say, move on. And don’t bother to give details. If you’re asked out late just keep it vague as to why you’re unavailable and state that you need advance notice anyway. Any attempt on his part to argue with you should be ignored. Send a vague emoticon as an answer then leave him hanging if he persists. Remember JADE when stating stuff like preferences and availability and feelings. It’s a useful tip to avoid getting embroiled in petty conversatio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 05:13 AM
17

I’ve noticed all self improvement books geared towards men are about money or sex (pick up artist stuff). Women’s are mostly about understanding men and improving relationships. Men don’t want to change. They want to shame or force women to accommodate them. This is why IMO there is a BIG double standard regarding emotional support in male-female relationships. The classic excuse for why men suck at empathy is they’re just so “logical” that their instinct is to try and “solve the problem” as opp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/19 12:28 AM
1

“Randomly too tight” - you were turned off. Understandable. And first time isn’t good for most and yes it gets better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/19 11:35 PM
13

I was reading this book about myths about the Middle Ages and it led me down a rabbit hole of online research where I learned that basically since the Middle Ages (in Western Europe), men and women married around the same age. They figured this by using church records for marriages. People love to tout how girls were married off at 16, as if the men were twice their age; nope, the “man” in such cases were more typically 18 year old boys. So historically, women have married peers, not much older …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/19 10:58 PM
13

They’re not hot either. I’ve been all over France and never spotted one hot man. It was sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/19 10:00 PM
7

What’s a moid? I read sidebar but didn’t see that term. Thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/19 04:37 AM
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